Portia de Rossi was asked about the best (relationship) advice she’d been given prior to her wedding with Ellen de Generes.  Recorded in a People Magazine’s September 1 08 exclusive about their nuptials, she said it came from Wayne Dyer:

"’ Just be kind to each other and be very respectful and considerate.’"

Whether for romantic/intimate relationships, or between friends (close or not), similar "rules" apply.  Kindness, respect, and consideration matter.  Cliché but true, "By doing unto others as we would have done unto ourselves, we can each, in our own special ways, help to make the world a better place, two (people) at a time.

Possible relationship-glitches (listed in random order) come from "happiness blockers" like:

1.  Over-attention to "me" not "we"

2.  Secrecy and manipulation

3.  Jealousy and envy

4.  Broken promises and elusiveness/evasiveness

5.  Lies and deception

6.  Game-playing and mixed messages

7.  Quickness to anger and judgment

8.  "Me" first

Even if someone else treats you badly, or you feel jaded or pessimistic, these are not good enough excuses for acting out/treating others unfairly.  Life is short and precious, and most of us are looking for the same basics—to love and be loved.  How we get there (if we are at all able to), might not be quite as simple or definable, unfortunately.

Possible relationship-glitch-fixers (listed in random order) include "happiness unblockers" like:

1.  Greater attention to an "us"

2.  Openness and consultation/frequent friendly "check-ins"

3.  (Personal) contentment and (genuine) goodwill to others

4.  Word-keeping and being upfront

5.  Honesty and directness

6.  Playing fair and being clear—keeping everyone’s well-being in mind

7.  Patience and flexibility

8.  "You" first

Earlier blog entries on related subjects include:

• Play Nice—Near and Far! (John Edwards too…) (August 13, 2008)

• Manipulation (August 9, 2008)

• No "Please," No "Thank-You," No "Happy" (May 30, 2008)

• Reciprocity (Feb 8, 2008)

• Confidence (Feb1, 2008)

• Give to Give (poem) (Sept 5, 2007)

• Too Good to Be True?  It Is! (August 7, 2007)

• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)

• The Courage to Speak Up—Use Poetry (July 10, 2007)

• A and B List Friends (July 8, 2007)

• Make Things Clear—Avoid Misunderstandings (April 17, 2007)

• Abuse Checklists (May 26, 2007)

• Rejection Protection (February 25, 2007)

• Friends Help Friends (December 7, 2006)

• Comparison-Making, Envy, Jealousy (June 23, 06)

These days, individuals can end up more isolated and self-involved than ever, with the shift from a "me-focus" to a "we-focus" proving difficult. Attention of any type, even if it’s harmful, tends to allure. This is when judgment gets clouded and mistakes are made. Age-old problems, like manipulation, take on fresh force.  No matter how technologically savvy we are—how many "friends" we have on Facebook—basic human-to-human "communication glitches" abound. These need to be dealt with in real-world time, and have real-world consequences. 

Manipulation comes from those whom we least suspect and expect  It creeps up and masquerades as kindness and generosity. Then, suddenly, there’s a wakeup call—a financial, emotional, or physical price to pay to the person who claims to be offering assistance/friendship "out of the goodness of their heart." Alas! The one who’d encouraged us to count on them really had their own agenda all along.  But, ultimately, even this manipulator loses too. The relationship needs to be severed and things can never be the same again. Trust and respect is gone, as well as a whole lot more. Time to move on, as this poetic reflection explains…

Dear Manipulator

You were so nice, so kind
I was so blind

You wanted to be there for me
Talk to me
Look out for me
Help me

Solve each and every problem you thought I had
All those things others never noticed

I don’t know where you came from
But suddenly you were there.

You were everywhere

I couldn’t do without you
But, in reality, you couldn’t do without me

I gave you purpose and cause
You thrived on applause
Being wanted, needed, and knowing

The more I tried to disentangle,
The more you tried to strangle

Disengaging was hard to do
Caused me more angst than you know

Disengaging was hard to do
But it enabled me to grow

When self-esteem is down and we don’t have adequate support networks, we are all the more vulnerable and susceptible to those who survive/thrive on manipulative behavior.  Manipulatolrs usually seek attention to help assuage their own wounds, longings, and lackings.  Exagerated gestures and finding ways to become indispensable may be a ploy to help the manipulator appear valuable to others, as well as important in the wider world.  But, tension mounts when the manipulated feels trapped or deceived.  Self-protection (hopefully) kicks in.  Breaking free takes courages.  It also leads to loss. But loss leads to learning.  Know better for next time!

Earlier blog entries that discuss related topics include:

Reciprocity, Feb 8, 2008

Give to Give, (poem), Sept 5, 2007

Keep Your Word, July 25, 2007

A and B List Friends, July 8, 2007

Friends Help Friends, December 7, 2006

I have been touched, today, by all the remarkable tributes to Tim Russert, NBC Bureau Chief and Moderator of Meet the Press.  Most Sunday mornings, his voice has been "background entertainment" while I’ve done household chores.  He was a fixture whom it was hard to imagine wouldn’t grace television news and debate well into old age. 

Tim’s sudden heart attack yesterday was yet another reminder to all of us that life is precious and we can’t have complete control, especially over its endings.  When someone as unique and admired as Tim is gone from our world in moments, without warning or preparation, we are stunned and ache.  From President Bush to regular viewers, everyone seems to have a reflection to offer, a deep fondness for this role model and outstandingly successful professional who remained a very down-to-earth family man and personal friend to so many.  My sincere condolences to all those dear to him.  He will be sorely missed.

At times like this, it’s hard not to think of more private individuals too, and their endings—those who haven’t enjoyed public success or recognition in their lives, those without family and friends who’ve supported and encouraged them. When their time comes, will it be recognized how their lives were meaningful or how much they could be missed?   How might things have played out differently for them, given a chance, voice, or simple luck?

It’s clear that we all leave our mark on the world in different ways, others’ impressions shaped by how we’re remembered or forgotten.  The following poem is dedicated to those who pass in greater silence and anonymity.  Maybe there was more to say about them, but there was no one to say it? Maybe their lives could have been happier and more fulfilled, but there was no one to spur them on? What might they have said if they could have written their own eulogies?  Perhaps this is one possibility?

AFTERWARDS

I was on top of the world
Or so you thought

Had achieved milestones,
Or so you thought

You didn’t know me well
You didn’t want to

You didn’t take me seriously
Though I asked you to…many times

You thought that I had more bounce-back than I did
You thought that I was stronger than I was

You thought that the day would never come
The day when I would succumb

I never did give up
Until now

I never did know how
Until now

I never wanted to
Hung on in the hope that things could change

More active
Less reflective
No, that didn’t work

More reflective
Less active
That didn’t work either

Needed, yes I was
If it was all about you

Admired, yes I was
If I lost myself in what I did

It was all up to me.

At the end of December (07), I was on a another transatlantic flight.  I’d just visited a family member who was sick and ended up sitting next to someone who was returning from her mother’s funeral. Personal experience with funeral trips, as well as long-distance illness concerns, compelled me to pull out my notebook and record these poetic reflections.

Planes

Planes are for vacations
celebrations

They’re also for illnesses
and deaths

They carry passengers in all kinds of states
At all kinds of rates

No everyone’s planned to be there
Not everyone’s without a care

Life doesn’t just happen on the ground
Feelings gush all around

Tear stained faces
Of heavy sorrow reveal ample traces

Planes for pleasure
And planes for purpose

Planes for good memories
And planes for bad

Planes for happy
And planes for sad

Distance and time
Time and distance

From one reality to another
Time and distance

From one reality to another
Planes transport us

To places we want to know
And to places we’d wish never to go

Some journeys are not ours to decide
But, from them, impossible to hide

Some journeys may seem worse than they are
All that thinking while traveling far

Neither here no there
There nor here

Landscape changing
Mental rearranging

Flight out
Don’t know what to expect

Flight back
Time to reflect

Planes are for all kinds of reasons
Of life, reveal the many seasons.

In 2007, I seemed to take a number of plane flights back to back.  Flying Toronto - Munich, in November, I put pen to paper, and wrote this poem.  It’s always interesting to have a little notebook in bag when traveling, all kinds of interesting reflections to record…

 

At the Florence Biennale, sitting at my exhibit most days, I had a lot of time to reflect on what was happening there.  I either doodled my thoughts in a sketch book or wrote them up as poetry.  Here’s a poetry sample:

 

Please take a moment to be in touch with a friend who doesn’t have a Valentine, and let that person know how much they mean to you/you care about them.  A simple phone call or e-mail may be just enough!  If you’re happy—and fortunate to have attention from a "special other"—try to be extra sensitive to whose circumstances are different.  Though Valentine’s Day (February 14), gives many a cause to celebrate (and for commercialism), more folks than seems fair feel uncomfortable as it looms. This poem tells a little more:

VALENTINE’S DAY

Loved?
I’m not sure about that

What is love anyway
If you haven’t felt it?

What is love anyway
If another person hasn’t meant it?

What is love anyway
If you’re all alone?

If it’s you who makes the calls
If it’s you who cares about everyone else

What is love?

Please tell me
Because I don’t think I know

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

 

Add to Valentine’s Day, Ontario’s first annual Family Day, four days later, February 18, 2008.  Apart from proving an inconvenience for some in the business world, this second "relationship-rejoicing" day may add to singles feeling more out-of-place (a significant percentage of the local population).  According to February’s Village Post, its very name is "puritanical," and just begs for satire!

Reciprocity can be tricky sometimes. There are those who give in order to receive, those who give in order to mutually benefit, and those who like to take but not give back.  Those who give to give, no strings attached, are exceptional.

In real life, we see this with dinners, gifts, phone calls, and so much else.  Certain individuals always seem to offer a whole lot more for a whole lot less.

In cyberspace, gaining "reciprocal links"—like having "friends" on Facebook—has become a supposed indicator of success, popularity, and networking ability.  In recent weeks, I’ve noticed an increase in offers to exchange links, so as to raise Google rankings. But, what might "virtual-reciprocity" imply to the non tech-savvy? Because we exchange a link and list another web address on our site, does it mean that we endorse it too? If we decline a request to exchange a link, what is the message that we’re giving back?  That we don’t like or approve of it?  Will someone list us without us having to list them?

Because, for now, I don’t have distinct link lists, I try to include as many links as possible in blog entries and website text.  Requesters who’ve taken time to review my sites usually understand—and see a place where they might be inserted.

A Florence Biennale artist who has just requested a reciprocal link exchange is Ann Haessel. A fiber artist from Alberta, Canada, you might like to check out her site.  Unfortunately, I did not get a chance to see her work at the Biennale.

Other entries on this blog also offer perspectives on RECIPROCITY.  These include: 

Give to Give, (poem), Sept 5, 2007 

Keep Your Word, July 25, 2007

A and B List Friends, July 8, 2007

Friends Help Friends, December 7, 2006 

The "January blues" are legendary. Then comes February, and moods sink lower. Is there anything that can be done to help? Some are too familiar with the pain (not just in January or February, but year round) and don’t need to have it explained (like in the poem below). Others are able to escape it— supports, special advantages, or attitude making things easier.  Living in warmer friendlier climates (or taking a sun break) can also be helpful.  But this isn’t always possible.  In cities such as Toronto, known more for aloofness and coldness than ambiance and joie de vivre, extra efforts need to be made.  It’s important to be aware of those around us, and check-in on them—include, invite, encourage, or reciprocate.  At least, try and offer a smile or "hello," even to someone you don’t know.

FEBRUARY FUNK

Looking good on the outside
Doesn’t dull the pain within

Do you know that pain?

Under the nose
In the throat
Around the eyes

An upset that you feel
Even if others don’t see

Do you know that pain?

Maybe you don’t
Likely you won’t

Do you know the sadness of
Loneliness
Hopelessness
Helplessness
Despair?

Seeing that others, clearly, don’t care

A "Please"
"Thank you"
"Sorry"
"Well done"
Might pick up someone else’s day

Few brave enough to show the way

Don’t ask "Why?"
Ask, "Why not?"

CONFIDENCE

Confidence is driven by others
Not just ourselves

We know, ourselves, what we do, feel, think
What’s right, wrong, uncomfortable, or easy

Others affirm, deny, encourage, avoid
Enable and disable

Contribute to who we are and can be

It’s who surrounds us
And who doesn’t

It’s what they say
And what they don’t

How they respond
Or not

No matter our strengths and weaknesses
Failures and successes
Feedback and allegiance matter
 
Others indicate the worthwhile, and the not so
Include and exclude
 
What we’re left with is up to us.

I’m thrilled to be contacted by those who enjoy my poetry. Earlier this month, Susan Kusel, of the Wizards Wireless Blog, wrote to ask permission to include excerpts from my Kilimanjaro series on her "Poetry Friday." Her brother, Russ, was due to climb Kilimanjaro, and she wanted to provide him with inspiration. How wonderful! Last week, after Russ returned from his successful ascent, Susan posted her own poem to honor his journey. Comments back to both blog posts, by readers, and Russ, himself, were, affirming, touching, and thought-provoking. Siblinghood at its best!

Heath Ledger’s unfortunate death has generated much discussion about its nature—whether it was accidental or not. From the LA Times to Time (and beyond), it’s become a major news story!  Close family and friends of the deceased insisted right away on "accidental causes." Noone likes to think about, admit to, or acknowledge the "S"(uicide) possiblity, at anytime.

Media have provided a lot of extra/invasive hype, with many presumptive questions.  Naturally, suggestions of foul play abound, with analyses of the actor’s distresses.  Whatever the truth might actually be, we’ll never really know. Sadly, the one person who could have told us isn’t around anymore.  Apparently, he was found alone, face-down and naked on his bed, by service providers (his housekeeper and his masseuse).  Close family were thousands of miles away, and the face that Ledger gave to the world in his many outstanding film performances was, obviously, not the face he wore privately (of late).

Ledger was famous. That’s why we get to hear, see, and read about him, and his final days and hours.  But, there are many other individuals, just like this movie star, dying every day—and in our own midst. Their burnout, despair, frustration, and loneliness cannot be remedied effectively.  Accidents and non-accidents happen, closer to home and all the time…

No matter the nice things said and done after a "loved one" is gone, nothing can make up for what was not said and done when he or she was alive (manifesting that all wasn’t right). The "take-home message" is to be more mindful of those around us continually—and sensitive to our interactions with them.  We truly never know how we might affect someone else, and what the consequences might be.  What’s not a big deal for you, might be for someone else. Everything adds up.  And, sometimes, just one more disappointing encoounter may be that one more too many…

This following simple poem, "Depression Alert," is an important one to remember. I included it (below) in tribute to Ledger. His untimely death provides an opportunity to share sentiments that might not have gained exposure otherwise.  Think of those with whom your life intersects. Perhaps they need a little more attention, consideration, and follow-up than you’ve been able to give them till now.  We may all be "busy," but…

DEPRESSION ALERT!

The places you don’t go
Clothes you don’t wear
People you don’t see

Others’ imaginings…

A life of ease
Please don’t tease

The pain
Nothing you can explain

Torment deep within
Understanding thin

Not who they think you are
Distance very far

Spoken up and not heard
Silent and more congenial

Another funeral.

Poems 15 and 16 provide closure to my Tanzanian travels—reveal their legacy and an after-trip evaluation of sorts.  (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)  Next, I’ll share the lessons of Kilimanjaro, which, I believe, helped prepare me for the Florence Biennale experience!

15.  From JRO to YYZ

It wasn’t paradise
But it was very nice

To feel, do, see without a care
In the moment
Just to be there

Coming home, not as fun
Things have changed
Inspiration won

No more half-measures
New ideas as treasures

Different perspective
More reflective

Attitude of mind
No longer to be left behind

Taking chances out of reach before
Fresh possibilities
Wide open door

Wanting more
Needing less

Pushing harder
Evaporating stress

What matters
Finding happiness

Goals simplified
Reality intensified.

16.  Trip Evaluation

Missed what was in front  
When looking behind

Missed what was within
When looking without

Regrouping, regathering
Soaping up and lathering

Coming home’s been a process
Messages mixed
Needing to be fixed

Coming home’s been a rebirth

Opportunities to do not as before
Paving the way for a whole lot more

Magic in the moment
Risk ahead of reason

Adventure needs to live
So much to give

Magic in the moment
Life is short

If we don’t do it soon
Chance is we never will

Staying with the feeling of the climb
Not wanting to run out of time

Need to make it to the top again
No matter when

No more struggle
No more muddle

Some know how
Others know now

Never want to say
I knew then

Power of doing
No more brewing

Living each new day
In a special way

Recognizing what’s good
The important understood.

 

 
Poem 14 was written on the journey home.  (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)

14.  2 Degrees C in Toronto—Light Snow Falling

It’s a long way back from Africa
Dreams fade to realities
Magical moments diluted in airports

Travel companions shift gear
Though you’d like to hold them near

What’s been put on hold has time to unfold

2 degrees Celsius in Toronto, light snow falling
Announcement on landing

Welcome back to a world where simple pleasures easily lose focus
Ready to journey away again

Planning for what, where, when
Already.

 

Poem 13 describes final game sightings, heralding the trip’s conclusion.  (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)

13.  Day 9

Penultimate game drive
Not as alive

Sightings less prolific
Nothing scientific

Simply, the end of the trip is nigh
Almost time to say goodbye

From more to less populous parks
Expectations and excitement, less sparks

Nature full of wonder
At the right place
In the right moment

We’ve felt it
We’ve been there
We long for it
We’ll remember it

Big beast of a jeep
Adrenaline rush
Hush!

Two cheetahs to the right
Lolling under a tree
New feeling of glee

When it’s over it’s over
Or so you think

"Hakuna Matata!"
Staying cool helps

"Caribou!"
A welcome that lasts

A family of giraffes to the left
Mother, father, three calves

Gracefully and elegantly close our trip
Of magic a real sip.

 

Poems 11 and 12 describe personalities we met along the way—highlight less typical cultural exchanges and adaptations.  (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)

11.  Safari—Day 7

Bats by night
Bows by day

Our last tented camp
Another sleep entertained rest
Malarone dreams, the best

Wildlife squawking and screeching
Tent solid
No breaching

Electricity and water rationed
Camp hostess impassioned

Lovely Argentinean married to German
Children speak Swahili

A goddess in beads and white linen
Male travelers’ heads spinen

With the Hadzabe tribe they get to strut their stuff
Shoot arrows—just enough

Another cultural exchange

Bracelets and necklaces at a price
Reciprocity nice

Journey back
Dust hard to swallow.

12.  Safari—Day 8

Masai village resort
A transitional place
Others set the pace

Texan in charge
Enables aspiring talent to live large

Neither country nor city folk
A different life they know

A cultural exchange, quick training
Everyone gaining…or not

Masai musicians and acrobats at dinner
Later they guard our rooms
With spears, not brooms

What are they thinking?
What are we thinking?

Merging the ancient with the modern
The affluent with the down-trodden

Begging inevitable
Who are the culpable?

A future that’s hard to surge
Paths diverge

For me, not a happy feeling
We lie in our cozy beds at night
Their experience, more of a fight.

 
Poem 9 explains how campers’ fatigue had set in.  Poem 10 describes a more active way of taking in the landscape and meeting its people—cycling.  (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)

9.  Safari—Day 6

Chips, spaghetti, canned veg and mince
Usually food that would make me wince

Last tented lunch
Ready to munch

At this point
Anything tastes good
Stomach understood.

10.  Safari—Day 7

African biking
Like its hiking

Dust, gravel, and rocks
Patience and caution
With the posterior so much contortion

The morning wind makes the awkward feel easy
A ride that’s surprisingly breezy

But, then comes the midday sun
For now, nature has won

After lunch under a shady tree
Enough for me

Banana stop
Chapatti stop
Along the way, lost en route, the momentum to stay

Village children draw near
No fear
Our food they’ll hold dear

And so our uneaten lunch we pack into a box
Gently, sweetly, the little ones share
Then comes the fox
Out of his lare

Village bully grabs what he can
That wasn’t our plan

The afternoon sun scorches
Our support vehicle hot as torches

A puncture needs to be fixed
Another adventure
Nothing nixed

Another day in Africa
Luxuriating in the moment
Not thinking about what might be elsewhere
Details swirl, but no heavy care.

 

Poems 6, 7, and 8 describe experiences in the Ngorongoro Crater area, where wildlife was more sparse and a slight safari-fatigue was manifesting.  (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)

6.  Safari—Day 4

Into the crater we go
Flat topped Acacias
Then burnt brush
Followed by a nothingness

Hush, hush

An arid plain
Wind blowing
Few animals showing

A solitary ostrich struts her stuff
Finally a photo op.
No fears

Two old lions peruse
One ready to snooze
The other leaves to wander
Has us gazing yonder

A couple of bull elephants take a drink
"They’re old," our guide tells us
That this is a retirement area, it makes us think

Today, the energy’s not there
Day four, our expectations higher, for more to see
But that’s not reality

The Serengetti had us in another place
A faster pace
Multiple herds
More than just a trace.

7.  Monkey Picnic

Monkey picnic
Very slick

Jeeps move in
Monkeys too

Closed the roof too late
Monkey in
Monkey out
No time to hesitate
Monkey see
Monkey do

Cookies from the front seat gone
Greedy monkey eats every one

Other monkeys surround
No contest
He knows how to play the round

And soon the pack is gone

Working each hand
He makes a stand

A snarl as the camera nears
Really upped my fears

Bold male
Cannot fail

Young mother near
But away they steer

Tiny babies suckle
One of nature’s wonders
We chuckle.

8.  Afternoon Drive

Look and you shall see
If it’s meant to be

Pressure on to find a Rhino
Or, to let it go

An on the way, so much more found
By chance
Hyenas, Flamingos, Wildebeest abound

From a distance,Rhino finally spotted
Photos taken of profile

Though not close
Of excitement provides a dose.

 

Poem 5 describes the most potent people experience—with the Masai. (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)

5.  Masai

Masai Masai everywhere

Truck in ditch
Makes them rich

One jeep pulls over to help another
Then smother smother

Children on backs of other children
The breast fed
The underfed
The snottied nose
The rings on toes

Picture, picture
Bracelet, bracelet

Haraka, haraka
Quickly, quickly

Little girls pushing sales
Make interesting tales.

Three or free
Hard to understand

From our end
Nothing planned
Clearly a routine
Can’t be mean

Dust fills the air
Nearly there

Tow chain breaks
Up go the stakes

3 jeeps hooked together
Now drizzly weather

2 pet dogs play
While in the company of the Masai we stay

Fantasies of passing the night in their huts
Could think of worse ruts

Small change spent
Time for the sinking sand to relent

Spontaneous visit done
A lot of fun
Everyone won.

 

Poems 3 and 4 are the second two Serengeti poems. (Please don’t forget to check out the other Tanzania Safari Poetry blog posts before and after this one.)

3.  Safari—Day 3/1

Warm breeze
Flapping tails
Zebras relaxing
Nothing taxing

A third game drive
The bush comes alive

Golden glow of changing light
Snow far out of site

Clear pale blue sky
Faint dustings of clouds

Another day in the life of the bush
Hush, hush

Jeep chatter
It really doesn’t matter

Nature all around
Not a sound

Waiting for something to be
Scouring for something to sight

A fight
A kill
Whatever will

Procreation
Defecation
Sensation
Elation

Ours or theirs?

Worries and cares
This hour we have none
Except with nature
To be at one.

4.  Safari, Day 3/2

From vegetation
To arid plain

From pale blue skies
To billowing clouds

From brush
to rocks

Hush in the jeep
The talkative one’s asleep

Too much excitement for one morn’
Lion cubs newly born and suckling
Lionesses devouring prey
Nothing very far away

Buffalo resting under trees
Buffalo drinking, not thinking
Diet coke can floating down stream
Garbage in a wilderness shattering a dream

Driving fast to leave the park
The vista becomes more stark

A tree here and there
Impala without a care
It’s shade they share

Alone or en groupe
They’re quite a troop

Then nothing for a while
Till jamming of breaks
Up go the stakes

Cheetah under tree

National Geographic yellow jeep
Wide angled lens pops out
Not a peep.

 

Many Kilimanjaro climbs are followed by a safari, and ours was no exception.  Also, poetic reflections kept on coming, and will be included in the blog posts immediately following.  You might also like to look back at my other poetic safari experiences from 2006:  general observations, as well as those specific to experiences in Botswana and Zambia. 

The 16 poems from the Tanzania trip have slightly different emphases and perspectives. Though there are many aha moments, the magic of first-time marveling isn’t quite as pronounced.  Also, having just climbed Kilimanjaro, any experience, no matter how special, is hard to juxtapose.

All 16 poems will be posted chronologically (over 9 blog pieces, which includes this one).  The first four poems were written in the Serengeti, which, for me, was the most potent wildlife experience. 

Poems 1 and 2 are the first two Serengeti poems.

1.  Safari, Day 2

The chorus starts well before dawn
Songs and signals
The volume rises

And still it’s dark outside
Beyond our tents so many animals hide

It’s their space
Not ours
We’re visitors here

Zipped in for the night
Nothing should we fear

Escort with bow an arrow led the way
And, in our tents, we’re supposed to stay

Window canvas open, mesh protecting
A dark clear sky is all we see
Starry, starry, starry night.

2.  Safari Recap—Day 1 - 2

Antelope, gazelles, jackals
Warthogs, lions with cubs
Hyenas and leopard
Elephants, giraffes, zebra
Wildebeest
Hippos, swallows, vultures…

To name but some that we saw
A thirst for more

And, disappointed we weren’t
Next day, a whole day drive
The feeling of being so alive

Watching in wonder and awe
Just as you thought you’d seen the best
Then came more

Dead zebra and hypo
Natural deaths

Dead jackal
Road kill

Wounded and bloodied zebra
Lion kissed but missed

Another lion charging for prey
Not fast enough
All ran away

At the watering hole they knew what to do
Flap their tails, grunt, and cry
None of them were going to die

Solitary bull giraffes
Gave us interesting views
But, a herd of elephants, our very best news

Monkeys preened
Baboons watched over lionesses and their cubs

Tourist-contained jeeps gathered in hubs

Hippos—a hundred or more
Wallowing in their pooh
The biggest outdoor loo

Crocodiles and birds provided picturesque backdrops
So many stops!
A Hamerkop’s giant nest
Oxpacka birds’ symbiosis with giraffes

So many herds
So many terds.

 
The two poems that follow look at transitioning back to reality—our own world of others and the Tanzanian roadscape that we found ourselves traveling through (Kilimanjaro, behind and above the clouds and the meaning it may imbue, personally and locally).

8.  Explaining to Others

Explaining to others
Is hard to do

The pain, the gain
The fight, the plight

The keeping going
The inner knowing

The turning of day into night
And night into day

Snow, ice, wind
Burned our faces
Wounds as traces

We know we were there
Our bodies too

But, pinch me now
To put into words
That others can understand

Peek experiences
Intended to be shared

Special moments are private
But things done together
No matter the weather
Give other rewards

A chance of a lifetime experience
Something to hold dear
Especially when others with you have been near.

9.  On the Road

Dust and dirt
Fumes and noise

Back to a reality of sorts

The adventure continues

Skinny goats and cows
Bones protruding

Roadside huts and store fronts
Locals milling
Even for a shilling

Coca Cola clearly the drink of choice
Celtel the monopoly for text and voice

The two biggest advertisers influence
But, where’s the opulence?

You decide

Rich dyes and prints
Each unique
Make wonderful clothes

Women with basket trays of bananas on head
Make a colorful scene
As do their children
School uniforms pristine

About the rest
It’s hard to know yet

Smiles on faces
Police checkpoints enforced

An order amid chaos
Slowly, slowly—pole, pole

Donkeys travel the same road as cars
But many locals walking and talking
Active and out there

Not the most progressive place in the world
But, does that matter?

Western eyes quick to judge
Western minds quick to nudge

Leave these people be
If they’re in harmony

The vibrancy of the plants say it all
Potted for purchase on the curbside
Jacarandas high above
A haze of blue and mauve

Bougainvillea
Dashes of pink
Makes you think.

 
The following two poems look at impact:  after-climb thoughts and reflections.

6.  Day 8—After Climb

Up there
Down here

Down here
Up there

Losing the fear

What once seemed difficult
Might not longer be

What once was out of reach
Attainable in reality

2 days on
The climb is but a dream

2 days on
Thoughts of home flow in

The wanting to stay in this space
Not that

The wanting more time away
Just to play

The wanting to shift
From an environment that doesn’t gel
Where the air is stale
And people pale

The wanting to be in the now, not just today
Feel alive in every way

Vital, intense, passionate, active
The Kili climb reminded me…

Who I was and how I can be.

7.  Day 8—Camaraderie

With some you can
And others you can’t

With some you will
And others you won’t

There’s no knowing who, where, what, when
Except by how you feel
And what you’re enabled to do

The right group
At the right time
In the right moment

Being confident of others around
Made everything feel sound

Knowing we were on the same team
Made hurdles a dream

Familiar and not
About each other we learned a lot

But, oh so much more to know

Seeds of friendship to grow
Or, just right for the circumstance

A special connection, no matter what
A great beginning
Kindred spirits as they are
Not fancied up in a jar

Bonds that’ll mature
Or, bonds that’ll slow?

Magic and mystery surround
Coincidence and luck abound

Staying open is what counts

Continuing onward, upward, forward
No markings on the trail ahead
Spontaneity instead.

 
The first of the next two poems describes approaching the final ascent.  The second records having made it to the top.

4.  Day 5

Nearly there
In the world without a care
Except getting there

What an accomplishment to make it
Real and raw
No way to fake it

What a dream to be above the clouds
See the winding paths we have traveled

Step by step
Minute by minute
Ache by ache
We’re closer to our goal

This time tomorrow
Pole by pole
To the top of Kili we’ll stroll

Winded, worn, and wary
There’ll be nothing scary

What a climb
What a rhyme
Just in time

To complete something others don’t dare to try
Cautiously
Carefully
And with a sigh

What an opportunity
A privilege
A gift

From doing nothing else there can be such a lift

In the moment
Or telling what was
No need for any because

And, what comes next
Who knows?

Applying lessons learned along the Machame Way
To a very different N. American every day.

5.  Day 6, Kili Ascent:  Success

Strong in body
Strong in mind

Strong in mind
Strong in body

To do things out of the ordinary
In ways that are extraordinary

To watch others trying them too

Those who can
Those who can’t

Those who could
Those who would

Those who did.

 
The two poems that follow here are mid-climb, on a long Day 4.

2.  Kilimanjaro, Day 4/1

Equal when challenged
Challenged when equal

The day is long
The body becomes strong

And so too the mind

Others’ responses you can’t always gage
Except with Kilimanjaro as stage

Those who like to talk
And those who don’t

Those who give signals in other ways
A posture, a glance, a shrug
Even a little tug

Camaraderie versus competition
Encouragement versus criticism
Affection versus rejection

A group spirit endures
To everyone, a round of applause.

3.  Kilimanjaro, Day 4/2

Candy wrappers show the way
Who would have thought?
Toilet paper marks the spot
Who would have known?
Cell phone signals around most bends
Who would have guessed?

All true—no jest

Then there’s nature…

Volcanic scree
Treacle scented flowers
Cactus palms that look like people
Caves and rocks
Clouds moving in and out
And through the mist, a burst of blue
The bluest blue you’ve ever seen
In reality, or on screen

A movie this climb is not
It’s so much more

Altitude sickness
Drug reactions
Freezing cold
And outdoor toilets
Offer experiences never had before

The challenge
The fear
The relief
The satisfaction

Each has its place and time

Nearly there
Nearly there
Pole, pole
Slowly, slowly

The final ascent is but 24 hours away
Oh what a day—though it’ll be night through early morn’

Each trail we’ve taken to get to this point
Has tested every joint

The long, the short, the in between

And now the even longer
For the even stronger

The will is there
And so is the way

Pole, pole
Slowly, slowly
The best plan
Woman or man

Contrary to the N. American way
Something to remember
A take-home gift with which to play.

 

Climbing Kilimanjaro was truly a life-changing experience—one I’ve been savoring almost daily since returning.  Some of the details are fading and the final hours of the ascent are a little sketchy.  Only talking with those who were there with me helps, and explaining to others properly is difficult sometimes.  However, from Day 3 of the climb, my wordscapes (poetic ramblings) started up, and I’m very glad to have them to look back at now.  These are where I record details and  feelings in the moment (or shortly afterwards). Even those who weren’t with us on the climb, I’ve found, have the opportunity to get a better sense of what transpired by giving this poetic journal a quick look.   

All poems will be entered chronologically.  The first Kilimanjaro poem is included below, and eight more will be divided between the next four blog posts.

1.  Kilimanjaro, Day 3

No I can’t
Yes I can

No I won’t
Yes I will

Climbing the mountain
Or going to the bathroom
Hesitation
Then elation

Every sensation counts
Tension mounts

Nothing to worry about
Except getting there

About the rest of life
Not a care

The body is what matters
All its pitter-patters

From drug reactions
Tingles and jingles
To rumblings and mumblings

Food and drink
Give us a lot to talk about
As do other folk along for the climb

The mood is high
Pain we want to deny

The humor is good
Most jokes understood

Personalities emerge
Memories surge

Our reality is the now we are in

Nights are cold
Sleep interrupted

Dreams in pieces
Time to think or not

Just the packing
Unpacking
Sorting
And rearranging
Gives us enough to do

Onward and up
We hope to go
Nausea, headaches and all
A thought to appall

The mind is willing
Challenged
The body too

Can we, will we?
Yes please!
Thrill me.

Last night, the newly launched Yonge/St. Clair Good Neighbours’ Fund held its first community celebration/fundraiser at Grano, which from all reports in was a great success.  The event was on behalf of my Florence Biennale exhibit.

Here are some quotes included in the Good Neighbours’ Fund brochure: 

"St. Clair to ArtWalk and the new Wychwood Barns project, to the recent success with Luminato, we have a great deal to be proud of here in Toronto. I am proud to be part of a small effort to make up for the misguided cancellation of the Public Diplomacy Program which used to help fund artists to show their works abroad.   We are truly blessed to have such a talented artist in Susan Makin living and working in our Riding of St. Paul’s.” 
CAROLYN BENNETT
Member of Parliament
St. Paul’s, Toronto

"I have always felt that all arts (and crafts) benefit by rubbing elbows with one another, so I am happy to see food and the visual arts doing just that at The Good Neighbours’ Fund Celebration.  Congratulations on your launch!  Having had significant support from my own community over my life, I am a firm believer in initiatives like this one.  There’s no better place to discover and
support talent than close to home. Very best of luck to you!"
LAURA CALDER
French Food at Home
Food Network, Canada

(Earlier related blog entries include:  Toronto Preview—Florence Biennale Exhibit, Yonge/St. Clair Innovation—The Good Neighbours’ Fund, and Why Canadian Talent Moves Away from Canada.)

Instead of giving a thank-you speech, I read the poem that follows—written especially for the event.  For those who weren’t able to make it to the event, and those who’d like to know more about it, I thought this was the best place to share what I said:

From Boston, to Toronto, to Florence—and Back?

Painting happily in Boston
An invitation arrived

You’ve been chosen by an International Committee of Judges
The President of the Biennale wrote

Which country will you represent?  he needed to know

Canada, of course!  No hesitation

I was ready to come "home"

26 years ago, I settled here
And, to me, this place has become very dear

But, in order to succeed, as many do
A forée across the border broadened my scope
Prompted opportunities
Enabled fresh hope

Thus my work began
To make Canada proud, or so I thought
To become an "emerging Canadian artist," or so I wished

Alas, barely started, I nearly stopped
The painting was my passion, but not the expense
The painting was my vocation, but not the run-around

After close to ten months of rejections
A thousand e-mails and phone calls unanswered
I’m still here to tell the tale
and say THANK YOU

I don’t give up easily
And nor do you!

From one little lead
There got planted a valuable seed
When all else fails, neighbors can be there to help you out
Hear you shout
Stand by your side
Protect another Canadian hyde

An idea for a celebration/fundraiser came into being
Thank you Dr. Carolyn Bennett, MP for St. Paul’s

That idea for a celebration connected to a venue
Thank you Roberto Martella, proprietor of Grano

Next, a committee formed
Thank you David, Danny, Graham, Peter, Ryan and Saverio
My men in shining armour, who’ve enabled this happening

Thank you also to all the business keepers, friends, and acquaintances
who understood the plight

I aplologize if anyone is missed
Please don’t be that little word that rhymes—P-I-S-S-E-D

From those who donated prizes
to those who provided rereshments
to those who volunteered time and energy before and on this night
to those who displayed and forwarded posters and invitations
put up with me…and more

An Academy Awards Speech this is not, but to remember there’s a lot

Off to Florence my precious collection will go
And in six weeks, I will join them

For now, that’s all we know

Looking to the future, no one really can predict what’s ahead

Long live the Good Neighbors’ Fund
For whatever assistance it can provide
Nurture the dreams of other talented Canadians
that they stay in Canada
Not feel forced in other countries to reside.

 

 
Yesterday (Sunday) afternoon, it was a treat to attend Toronto’s 18th annual Word on the Street celebration.  Not only was it a picture perfect autumn day, but it was also exciting to pick up on the energy at Queen’s Park Circle—experience so many Torontians’ thirst for reading, learning, and communicating being quenched. 

 

I went home feeling refreshed and revived—an interesting contrast to the evening before when Nuit Blanche festivities had skimmed the same location.

 

Apart from the booths and readings, a variety of performers engaged the crowd, informally, a key ingredient I thought missing the evening before (or perhaps they’d been active in zones I hadn’t managed to cover).

Give to give
Not to receive

Give to give, because you want to
Not because you have to

Give to give
Not for what you hope to get in return

Give to give
Not to manipulate or demonstrate
or make out that you’re nicer than you are

Giving is good
But a few things should be understood…
Expectations lead to disappointments
And disappointments lead to a whole lot else

Give to give
to open doors
Not to close them

Giving for getting is only upsetting
Giving for attention, a bad intention

No one should owe you
And not everyone has to know you

Make dinner
Invite visitors
Buy gifts
Baby-sit

Do whatever it takes
Makes you and/or others happy

But, be aware of the stakes

Give to give, not to receive
or for what it’s hoped others may perceive

Sometimes we give more than we get
Other times we get more than we give

There’s givers and takers
And those who are neither

Offer only what you can
No need to be better than

Regret  leads to upset
Better left unexpressed

Making others feel guilty for what you’ve given
undoes any good done
Is worse than not giving at all

Giving is an art at which some excel
Some don’t

Knowing about giving
And growing through giving
Makes life worth living
For all of us…

There are many perspectives on "giving," and this poem offers but a few.  As with most everything, it’s important to take responsibility and make the extra effort to do the right thing, individually as well as together.  By coincidence, Former President, Bill Clinton, was interviewed on the Today Show, today, about his new book, GIVING:  How Each of Us Can Change the World.

Peek in my studio to see beginnings, middles, and endings.  This poem, however, is about more than my artwork—even if it might have caused the thoughts behind the words…

 
Beginnings are good
There’s hope, adventure, anticipation—all that interesting stuff

A new puppy
A new school year
A new pair of shoes
A new relationship

Middles stir indifference, doubt, delay—things we wish to avoid
They drag or they race—dreams held onto or dreams lost

A mid-term exam
A report half-written
An unfinished book
An intermission

And then there’s endings
The ones that come too soon, and the ones that come too late

Vacation over
Plate empty
Verdict given
Timed out

Priorities are different for everyone
And, it’s all in how we handle the lot we’re dealt

There’s so much that we can do, and there’s so much we can’t
Attitude makes a difference, so does effort

Some of us cope better than others
Some of us try harder than others
Some of us understand
And, some of us don’t

If you’ve been there, you’ll know what I’m saying
And if you haven’t, you may have a better idea of what’s ahead

We’re all so different
But we’re all so the same
Life being, too often, a challenging game

There’s winners and losers
No one having a real say about which side they’re on

Then there’s the times when no one wins or loses
Everyone ties

Beginnings, middles, and endings come to us all—eventually
And, like it or not

Some spend longer in each phase
Some are luckier in one phase than another
Some learn from experience
Some never will.

I’d been feeling very tired lately—more so than usual.  What had I been doing differently?  Drinking coffee. 

I’d let the occasional small soya latte turn into a daily large—something I’d allowed to have happen before, with similar results.  For a few weeks, I’d feel great.  Then, suddenly, exhaustion overwhelmed.  It’d be hard to sleep and hard to get up. 

Right now, I’m a week coffee-free, and more awake. Nevertheless, I miss the habit—and have been pondering why…

It’s not so much about the coffee, itself.  All the rituals surrounding a "coffee-tude" are even harder to give up.

Usually, whatever one person is feeling or talking about, others are too.  The morning after writing my "coffee poem," (pasted in below), I had the TV on as background, while painting.  A rerun of Rachel Ray’s Valentine’s Day show caught my attention.  Her guest, Dr. Timothy Brantley, the author of a book called, The Cure:  Heal Your Body. Save Your Life, was giving a more scientific explanation of "coffee habit consequences."
 
It was clear that what was happening to me wasn’t in my imagination, and the treatment plan I’d put myself on (to abstain, for now) was the right one.  Just a week in, I feel a lot less groggy!
 
Like with anything else, it’s important to remember that tolerances and responses can vary—and moderation is always good.  What works (or doesn’t) for me, might be different for you.  Also, don’t forget, a lot of coffee shops have become cozy daily hang-outs for many—kind of like pubs used to be in Britain.  They’re not popular just because of their coffee…

Coffee is "in"
A shop or two on every corner
More numerous than banks

Cardboard cup
Comforting to have in hand
Everyone does it
 
In the car
Walking the dogs
At a meeting

Arrive with coffee
A better greeting

A coffee drinker, I was not
Till I wanted to be like everyone else

Warming my palms on a cup of liquid I don’t really love
Putting out money, daily, for a beverage I don’t really need

Is it the coffee, itself, or something more, that beckons?

p.s.  Recently, Mark Mlkoff made his own unique unscientific study of coffee.  He visited 171 Starbucks in Manhattan in one day, and created a video about the experience, posted at 171starbucks.com.  On his Today Show interview (July 22, 07), he and Lester Holt both admitted that neither one of them are coffee drinkers!

p.p.s.  Of course there’s always another new study that will shed light on the benefits of coffee drinking.  Jim Lane (at Duke University), in fact, has devoted 25 years to researching caffeine.  His latest study is about caffeine and memory.  For information on other studies, I’m providing links that will help you check out coffee’s effect on the liver, the heart, and the eyes.  There are even research findings on abstaining from coffee!  But, remember, what works for one person might not for another.  Studies aside, moderation (in everything) is usually the safest.  However, as most of us know, this isn’t always possible with coffee…  Being aware of personal health challenges, and trying to remedy them, is an individual responsibility and choice.

p.p.p.s.  Coffee drinking is getting more media attention, currently, than I’d imagined when writing my "Coffee Poem."  August 8, 07, The Today Show’s nutritionist, Joy Bauer’s segment "Buzz or Bunk?  Five Coffee Myths" caught my attention because it also gave details of "folks who should avoid caffeine altogether"—those who have caffeine sensitivities (conditions that can be exacerbated by it), sleep issues, gastrointesinal problems, elevated blood pressure, bad PMS.  For everyone else (if there’s anyone left!), she suggested three cups a day!