Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs)
Long Distance Relationships are more common than ever today, Internet dating being a norm rather than exception. But, meeting someone on-line (in town, or out of it) demands additional care and caution, while being careful not to obliterate spontaneity, romance, and excitement.
LDRs necessitate extra skills, resources (emotional and financial), and commitment. They can also push connections to new places prematurely, but unavoidably. Later, things, usually, calm down and routines form.
Additional and unfamiliar efforts can be taxing, but also fun. Thinking of the "destination," as well as the "journey," enhances purpose—"happy endings" making everything worthwhile. If you’ve not risked, you might not have tried. Lost dreams can get reinvented, and what hasn’t happened locally may elsewhere.
Both parties need to work hard in their own unique, as well as more expected, ways to help keep things afloat—have the other person trust, feel secure, excited, and adored—consistently. This helps build confidence in, as well as beyond, the relationship. Communication and equal effort are key, but without behaviors that are obsessive, compulsive, or unreasonable (or that can be perceived as such) especially if individuals don’t know each other well, initially.
It might seem like the fast-forward button has been hit. But, sometimes, that’s the only way. Better to find out sooner than later if there’s "quirks in the works." Who calls, who doesn’t, who writes, who doesn’t, all become significant in one way or another: show degree of interest/caring, potential for sacrifice, and willingness to make trade-offs, until routines fall into place.
How much is shared and how much is allowed to remain a mystery also effect outcome. Planning (short and long-range), and a willingness to do so together, is important. Looking forward to the next face-to-face encounter matters, and preparing for that, as well as time apart. Rigidity may need to yield to out-of-the-ordinary behaviors, especially since life can be short. And, of course, there’s little space for "shy."
Travel to the other’s space if you can. Get their perspective on the world, not just your own. Many people like their personal "safe places" and prefer not to explore another’s. But, it’s all part of the getting-to-know you process. Taking chances, not prejudging, and visits in both directions.
Not everyone is up for doing things "out of the box." But, those who can, may find the rewards worth it. What’s a better alternative? To sit home alone, no special other to focus on? Long-distance doesn’t last forever. Ultimately, things work out or they don’t. Somebody moves, and/or somebody doesn’t. Long distance provides opportunities that in-town ho-hum might not. It involves risk and chance and a stretching of the imagination, as well as a loss of control and certainty.
Long-distance can have advantages that at-home relationships don’t. There’s more time and ways to talk, question, and check-in. It can also record a story. Words, thoughts, and feelings get a chance to be aired and translated from afar, as well as face-to-face. Most important, the essential transition from "me-" to "we-" thinking gets activated early, if things are healthy. Reciprocity shines! Though individuals may bask in separate worlds, they also recognize the power and glow that opportunities to "give and take," with someone else, can prompt.
As Aimee Mann sings, "One is the loneliest number." But, never get into a relationship just for the sake of it… Go for gain, not pain!
THIS BLOG’S EARLIER RELATIONSHIP-RELATED POSTS INCLUDE:
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T Respect Revisited (May 7, 2009)
• Strategies to Help Minimize "UID," or Under-Identification Discomfort: Surviving Solo on Family Day in Ontairo (February 16, 2009)
• Second-Hand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, "Frienemies," and Used-to-be-Friend" Types (November 16, 2008)
• Reliability, Vulnerabllity, Fear (October 8, 2008)
• GUILT(Y) Verdict for OJ Simpson, and/or Others… (October 7, 2008)
• Mixed Messages and Contradictions (September 29, 2008)
• Relationships that Work, No Communication-Glitches: Mazal Tov to Ellen and Portia on Their August 16, 08 Wedding (August 29, 2008)
• Airport News Stands: Jennifer Aniston, "Straggler Single": Uncommon Attention, Common Problems. (Poetry about ating and Related Blog Entry Links Included) (August 22, 2008)
• PLAY NICE—Near and Far! (John Edwards too…) (August 13, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• Single Because, Just Single, or (Im)Perfectly Single: Unscientific Findings (April 13, 2008)
• In Anticipation of VALENTINE’S DAY, Singles Included (February 13, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (February 1, 2008)
• RELATIONSHIP “Uppers” and “Downers” (January 29, 2008)
• Dating Games and Disappointments, On- and Off-Line: Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker Helps Identify Obstacles to Relationship-Making (January 25, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• SINGLES Who Don’t Want to STAY SINGLE and "SINGLES’ BUSINESSES" (July 31, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• Handle with CARE—IDENTIFY, EXPOSE, and GET HELP for Those Who Can Do Harm (like at Virginia Tech) (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• Notes on a Scandal: Single and Living Vicariously (February 7, 2007)
• Single Woman Syndrome (SWS) (January 30, 2007)
• BAD DATE indicators (January 22, 2007)
• SINGLE and Not Settling (December 29, 2006)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)
• Dating Know-How—For Serious Daters (December 4, 2006)









