As winter turned into almost-spring, I removed the artificial parts of the floral arrangements from outside my home.  All wrapped up, they’d be ready to use again next year.  The mini-Boxwood at the center had been protected through the winter and looked healthy and green, ready to contrast against Pussy Willow and Forsythia branches inserted around them.  The new additions cost $20 total for two planters.  It’s important to shop around for branches like these.  Prices do vary and better to calculate in advance.  Only get as many as you need and avoid wastage by buying ones that are already the right height, no pruning required.  I was lucky to find exactly what I was looking for at the florists on Avenue Road and Davenport (Toronto) and went from store to store, back and forth, to maximize on value and quality.

For context, please look back at the two other posts in this series:
• Staying Green: Fake, Recyclable, and Decorative Winter Florals, Year 2
(January 11, 2009)
• Fake, Recyclable, and Decorative Winter Florals (March 14, 2008)

The Saugeen Shores (Bruce Peninsula)

Straight after Labor Day, the Bruce Peninsula is very peaceful.  Also, it’s still warm enough to enjoy the beach—that’s if you don’t have a bicycle or dog. Reminders are everywhere:  Port Elgin, Southampton, Sauble Park.

At Sauble Park, this is the longest parking lot I’ve ever seen on a shoreline. Do all the cars that fill it, in season, do less damage than bicycles and dogs, out-of-season?

As summertime approaches, better not to make the drive with dog(s) or bicycle(s) unless you’re sure they’ll be welcome at the destination you’re visiting.  If traveling in Ontario, please realize that options may be limited if cycling and dogs are essential to your enjoyment for a day-trip or vacation.

Earlier blogs posts about Ontario/Toronto travel destinations (and limitations) include:

• Art Gallery of Ontario’s Short-Falls. Blaming Recession is Easy, Reaching Back to Local Artists Isn’t. “Massive Party” Might Not Help Solve Massive Problem (March 20, 2009)
• Green P Parking Peril: Have Your Car Vandalized in Downtown Toronto Then Pay to Exit the Lot! Bloor/Yorkville and Museum Goers Beware, City of Toronto Parking Authority Wants Your Money, Regardless! (February 28, 2009)
• What to See and/or Do in 2009. Photos, Memories, Ideas, and Surprises from 2008. PART 3 (January 31, 2009)
• Reacquainting with Toronto (September 17, 2008)
• Drinking Problems in Ontario, Canada: Ironies, Causes, and Comparisons (July 31, 2008)
• Summertime Can Divide Canadians (July 7, 2008)

For more fun (and positive) perspectives on Ontario/Toronto travel and Canada in general, please check out Lucy Izon’s Canada Cool website, or follow her links and commentaries on Twitter.

Stuffed peppers don’t have to be baked.  Dinner guests on their way, I turned crunchy orange ones into attractvie finger-food, while making good use of leftover egg and artichoke salad.  Cut into halves and topped with baby orange tomatoes, garnished with basil leaves, these "pepper boats" brightened up a winter table.  I am sure they would ehnance sunlight on a summer one too! For those on wheat-free or low carb diets, these are a fun alternative to sandwiches.

Other DocSusan recipe creations on this blog can be found in the following posts:

This week, the Hebrew version of my book, Therapeutic Art Directives and Resources.  Activities and Initiatives for Individuals and Groups (with commentaries by mentor/friend, Cathy Malchiodi) was delivered to me.  A nice surprise and a lot fun to see it in another font!  This edition was published in 2006, and I knew it was out there, but hadn’t yet received an author copy.  In Hebrew, the text reads from right to left, and the book, itself, has a more compact format. However, the cover is identical to the English version. The Hebrew edition publishers are Ach Publishing, Ltd. 

For the Korean version, the look (and feel) has been changed: the black and yellow/greens are now white and yellow/oranges. 

For more about the Korean version, please see earlier blog posts:  Found in Translation—Korean (July 23, 2007) and All Good Things Come to Those Who Wait! From Ordinary to Exotic:  Breathing New Life Into an Old Book with Korean Font and Formatting (March 2, 2009). 

Check out the Magnolia Bakery on New York’s Upper West Side.  What’s old is new again.  Not  everyone is on a diet!  Fun to watch the baking process…

My favorite foods include nuts, soya/tofu, berries, and leafy greens!  I know that may seem strange to some.  But, as they say, "chacun à son goût!"  (everyone has their own taste).

When these basics were cut from my diet a few months ago (for medical reasons), I found it very hard to adjust. Now, as I start to feel better, the benefits of self-discipline have been confirmed.  And, with the resulting weight loss, I’ve been happy to indulge with special treats, like cheesecake for breakfast…

Thinking a little more about soy, perhaps it was a fortunate coincidence that this got removed from my diet.  I think I might actually have had soy poisoning!  All those soy lattés…  Googling around, I’ve now found a number of articles that support that theory.  For others interested in finding out more about soy and its potential health hazards, here are some interesting links:  

• Shirley’s Wellness Café
• HealingDaily.com
• About.com
• ReliableAnswers.com
• CNN

Earlier blog posts about my soya milk latté habit include:   Take-Out: Best Soya Latte and Burgers in Toronto (August 15, 2008) and An Unscientific Study of COFFEE Drinking—and What Others Are Saying and Doing (July 19, 2007).

Last Friday, a Globe and Mail headline announced "Art Gallery of Ontario Workers Face Layoffs."  There’s a substantial revenue short-fall and too few visitors and memberships.  The flagging economy gets ample blame.  But, obviously, that’s not the only reason…  November 14, 2008, my blog post, The AGO Reopens and ARTISTS Do MATTER was optimistic. But, soon after, impressions shifted.  Personal follow-up demonstrated how things aren’t always as projected: to be more skeptical about what’s put out when there’s lights, cameras, action. The design and layout of the gallery have been altered, but layers of "ice" still visible. Financial assistance and p.r. bestowed by outsiders aren’t always enough, especially if not able to be sustained in a challenging economy.  When consumers are forced to limit choices, feeling welcome, wanted, or involved is all the more significant, influencing  decisions as to where personal resources might be allocated for memberships and donations.  What didn’t count previously does now.  

Eagerness to trust and believe, perhaps, had caused me to take Director Matthew Teitelbaum’s message that "artists matter" too literally, at the AGO’s pre-opening day party.  Afterwards, I contacted him, as he’d advised, to be added to his "artists’ list."  It was my understanding, at the time, that there’d be (regular, local) artist-friendly happenings and mailings, and an openness to suggestions/meeting. Maybe, it was a mistake to put energy into follow-up when the thought-to-be-approachable (and open) weren’t really. A brief meeting with a tardy and distracted Dr. David Moos (Curator of Contemporary Art), who appeared comfortably so, didn’t justify weathering the cold and paying for down-town parking. But, hoping this was just an "off day" for him, and because of the work gone into my preparation, I followed up with a traditional "Thank you for the meeting note," daring to continue a truncated presentation. No response. I tried again. No response. I tried one more time. Still no response…

Probability:  If it’s happening to you, it could be happening to others.  The "Three Rs" still matter:  Respect, Reciprocity, Replies.  (A future blog post will look at this topic further.)

Principle:  Everyone matters, and those you think might matter least (now), could matter more (later).

The AGO’s annual "Massive Party" event April 2, 09, to collect more funds for the gallery, is $125 per participant. Not to be forgotten:  raising spirits and fostering good will, can also help boost funds (and visitor/membership appeal), no party (or extra expense) necessary.

You might not be aware, it’s World Kidney Day, and March is "National Kidney Month" in the US.  Please visit the website Kidney.org for more information. The Kidney Foundation is on Facebook too! (You can become a fan.)  There are free kidney screenings all over the US today. Many of us take our kidneys fore granted, and don’t drink enough (water, that is)—me included. It wasn’t until I ended up in Emergency last October (for completely unrelated reasons) that I discovered this… Stone disease is on the rise, and you can help prevent it by drinking more (water), and with a change of diet and supplements.  If not, the alternatives aren’t fun, and might take you by surprise! 

Today, I started my first Facebook Group, Susan Central.  March 8, an auspicious day, hopefully!  Not being a Facebook expert, it’s been another learning curve and adventure!

Susan Central Invitation

By chance, I seem to have been meeting a lot of interesting Susans lately, on- and off-line—nice people, and the reason I decided to start a "Susan group."  Whether you are a Susan, have a Susan in your life, or want to get to know one, please consider joining  "Susan Central."  This group will be a fun way to see where, and to whom, a simple name might lead.  Let’s embrace coincidence and serendipity and keep things positive!  Many thanks for your participation.
In anticipation,
Susan
p.s  Please feel free to forward this invitation to others.  The more the merrier!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=56222883703
http://profile.to/docsusan
http://www.docsusan.com/
http://docsusan.blogsome.com/

For more about Facebook, please see another recent blog post: Getting to Understand and Appreciate Facebook: in Toronto Tonight, Live and in Person, Not Cyberspace (Facebook Garage 5) February 24, 2009.

Thursday night’s Portrait Society Show opening was a happy and successful happening.  The speeches were short and purposeful, and the curation and way the artwork was displayed very effective.  A steady crowd flowed through, and the ambiance remained warm and animated (like the musical accompaniment), from start to finish.  Kudos to Veronica Tsyglan, Mistress of Ceremonies, guiding light, and Chairwoman.  She thanked all involved and announced the 2010 show theme:  Canadian olympic athletes, past and present.

For more details about this event, please see the earlier blog post:  March 5, 09, Art Events in Toronto, Invitation Reminder: Portrait Society of Canada’s Annual Juried Show, Opening Reception Tomorrow Night. Please Join Us! (March 4, 2009)

The Portrait Society of Canada’s annual show includes the work of 42 member-artists.  One piece was chosen from each. I was at the host gallery (John B. Aird) on the weekend, for delivery, and got a preview.  What a wonderfully varied exhibition!  No two paintings are the same in any way:  size, media, scale, theme…  There truly is something for every taste and interest, and some of the pieces are for sale.  For those who love portrait painting, and are curious to meet the artists behind the paintings, this is a great opportunity. For those who are unfamiliar with portrait painting, this is also a great opportunity—to learn more about it, and get involved with fundraising efforts for a contemporary Canadian portrait gallery in Toronto.

Possible schedule conflicts:  Toronto Art Expo and the The Artist’s Project (Toronto) open the same night (March 5). Having participated in both of these shows last year (The Artist’s Project as part of Artropolis in Chicago), I am happy with my decision to not be involved with them this year.

Artists are repeatedly approached to submit applications and pay big bucks to display their work. Once their money is down, there can be multiple organizational disappointments (not of their creation). Unfortunately, usually, those who gain the most (financially, especially) are those who own and/or manage shows and/or run competitions, or offer to represent artists and/or sell their artwork, in person, on location, or on-line.

Artists, please beware!  General public, please be aware!  What really happens behind the scenes matters, and not just at the time, subsequently. Another blog post will be coming shortly, about scams and advantage-taking of artists, particularly those who are just emerging.  In the meantime, please look back to earlier art show blog posts.  These include:  

• Art Shows: Business Priorities Versus Exhibitor Satisfaction (July 23, 2008)
• Change of Date, Change of Fate: Toronto Art Expo 08 Snowed Under (March 16, 2008)

Numerous unreturned e-mails and phone messages later, the organizer of Toronto Art Expo still hasn’t provided me with receipts from last year.

To see examples of my portraiture (recent and past) please check out the Figurative Gallery on the DocSusan site.

My user-friendly book, Therapeutic Art Directives and Resources.  Activities and Initiatives for Individuals and Groups (with commentaries by mentor/friend, Cathy Malchiodi) was published in Korean last year.  I just received copies!  It’s amazing the difference a change of font can make.  Also, the care and attention to detail the foreign publishers have given to every page is obvious.  This week I’ll be meeting up with the once-little girl who did the cover art.  She’s now 22 years-old!  For an earlier blog post about this book’s translation, please see:  Found in Translation—Korean (July 23, 2007).

Across from the Royal Ontario Museum, there’s a Green P Parking Lot at 9 Bedford Street. It’s one of the few places you can be guaranteed a spot when there’s no on-street parking, It’s also handy if you don’t want to walk very far because of the cold.  I don’t park there often.  Last night was one of those rare occasions—perhaps the last occasion.

There’s underground spaces and above ground spaces.  Above ground was full, so I parked in the underground.  "Clever!" I thought:  close to the door, which led to the stairway to Bloor Street.  The talk I attended at the ROM was given by Lauren Fix, the "Car Coach," TV expert, and author (of Lauren Fix’s Guide to Loving Your Car).

Lauren really brightened up an otherwise very ho-hum event. The Connecting Singles Program, for which she spoke, you’d think would do well because of the venue.  But, it doesn’t.  Price, stigma, or ambiance, something’s not working in it’s favor!  However, the good news is that they are open to feedback, and looking to make improvements!  A program that’s been running for 22 years, even though it’s in a museum, still merits a make-over!

Crossing back to the parking lot, I was excited to have had the opportunity for a one-to-one chat with Lauren, and meet the person behind the performance.  Sometimes, when an event isn’t working for you, you have to seize the moment and see what can… I considered that the evening hadn’t been a complete waste of time because of the simple ideas this very practical, engaging, and approachable speaker had shared about car owning and loving.

A smile on my face, I returned to the parking lot and my lovely car, and started the engine—all automatic movements.  Then I looked up, in order to reverse.  A beam of light shone down on a shattered windscreen. Investigation by lot security confirmed that it must have been a pellet gun or like, for the assault, my car alarm preventing break-in.

Apparently, there’s been a wave of random acts of vandalism and theft in this particular lot lately.  So, the incident wasn’t surprising.  What was surprising was being asked to pay to exit the lot.  I did this without fuss, while waiting for security to arrive.  After all, lot attendees were only doing their job, so why take things out on them?  It’s those who operate the lot, and set the protocols (but aren’t present) who need suggest appropriate flexibility (and social conscience), especially if they’re aware of the extra risk using their facilities might entail.

Before there were digital alternatives, it was easy to accumulate stacks of paper (filed or unfiled).  This year’s spring clean-up, I’ve been able to be a little more ruthless than usual, but probably not ruthless enough… I know I’m not the only one!

Some Spring-Clean Strategies

1. If you haven’t looked at, or used, something in a couple of years, likely you’re not going to again.  Get rid of it!
2. Save the extremely sentimental stuff, or one of everything, but more than that isn’t necessary.  Less is more!
3. Out goes the negative:  rejections, sad letters, photographs of unhappy memories.  Looking forward, it’s preferable not to have reminders of what wasn’t or can’t be!
4. With every year that goes by, it can get easier to part with what we no longer use.  Take advantage of that!  Don’t hoard for the sake of it.
5. Don’t pressure yourself to do it all at once.  Bit by bit, day by day, systematically, work your way from cupboard to cupboard, drawer to drawer.  Don’t just tip everything out on the floor, all together.  Being tidy, and working in stages means you can leave off at anytime without feeling you’re in a total mess.
6. Have background music or TV to help you along.  Sometimes chatting on the phone (multi-tasking) can help too.
7. Be prepared with garbage and recycling bags that nothing lies around.  Then, go to    the trash as soon as possible so you don’t change your mind about what you are discarding.
8. Recycle!  Likely there’ll be many folders and files that can be emptied of content, instead of thrown out with them…  Then there’s all the paperclips and elastics.  White sticky labels will cover what was there before.  And, if it old names and labels show through, don’t worry.  It’s trendy to be “green.”
9. Pets can be welcome spectators (though they might sleep on the job). Human buddies might give you a helping hand, if they can.
10. Don’t give up!  Take a break, then start again in a day or two.  

Cleaning up makes us feel lighter and brighter—helps remove weight and worries.  Even if we make a concerted effort to clean up/throw out annually, and don’t think there could be that much to do, there always is.  Celebrate what you’ve been able to do.  Don’t dwell on what seems impossible!

This evening’s Facebook Garage started with presenters sharing some Facebook facts:

Basic Statistics
• 150 million users, worldwide (as of January 09).
• The average user has 120 friends.
• 70% of users are outside the US.
• More than 50% of users are beyond college age.
• 3 billion minutes every day are spent on FB.  
• FB is the 6th largest "web property" in the world.
• FB’s intention:  to help make the world more open and and connected (a better place).
• 6000 developers are involved with platform-building.

Facebook and Canadians
• Canadians use social networks more than any country in the world and spend the most minutes on FB (300 a month, per user).
• 50% of Canadians are on FB and half of these people are on every day.
• Over 70% of Torontonians are on FB.

Three Uniquely Facebook Features
One click log-in, and then:
1. Identity: FB is the first site where people gave their real world identity
2. Friends:  FB connects peoples’ real world friends (friends that users already have, not random friendships). Most users bring friends with them…and then there’s "social filtering."  Whatever your friends have contributed will come to you, and you’ll be more interested in it because of who is involved.
3. Distribution: FB information is shared between friends. All links go back and around, and conversations start…

Facebook is Evolving 
• FB’s 2006 (old) look recently got a makeover.  
• "Facebook Connect" has been introduced. "Facebook Connect" goes beyond FB into the wider Web. 6,000 sites have adopted "Facebook Connect," so far, and the number of registered users to those Websites has been seen to increase 20 - 100% in one day with it.

Hot Topics
• Check out "Facebook Connect" (http://developers.facebook.com/fbconnect.php)
• Facebook is hiring!

Alas, Canadian winters are seldom mild for sustained periods.  February is when most of us start to get really tired of living in a cold weather climate:  need survival strategies.

Snow storms have me wanting to get cozy, using whatever ingredients happen to be in the kitchen to create interesting sustenance.  Here’s an unusual recipe conjured up under such circumstances.

Probiotic Banana Cherry Oat Muffins
These may not be for everyone, perhaps just those who like healthier fare, or have wheat sensitivities.

• 3 cups of oat flour
• 1 cup flax meal
• 4 eggs
• 2 cups probiotic yogurt
• 2 quarter of an ounce packets of cherries
• 3 large bananas
• 4 tablespoons of baking powder
• 1.5 sticks of butter
• 2 teaspoons of salt
• 1 cup brown sugar

Preparation

Mix all ingredients together, adding the eggs last, and bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.

Yield:   2 dozen large muffins, or a combination of mini-muffins and regular muffins.  Bake the mini-muffins on a lower shelf and the larger muffins on a higher shelf, and they’ll take the same amount of time.

For a special treat, top with creamcheese icing, or glaze, made from creamcheese, icing sugar, and Amaretto.  Freeze to set.

For more of DocSusan’s spontaneous recipe creations, please see earlier posts:

• Jazzing Up Traditional Recipes: Mixed Root Vegetable Latkes with Pineapple/Pear/Raspberry Compote and Crème Fraîche (January 24, 2009)
• New Year’s Scones: 30 Minutes to Homemade, From Idea to Tabletop (January 3, 2009)
• Comfort Food, Comfort Mood:   Self-Care and Cooking for One that’s Nutritious, Delicious, and Easy (December 15, 2008)
• Homemade Dog Food: Synchronicity, Health, Quality (November 22, 2008)
• The Cooking Gene—No Exact Recipes, Wholesome Cuisine 2: Cookies and Scones (September 25, 2008)
• The Cooking Gene—No Exact Recipes, Wholesome Cuisine 1: Soups (September 22, 2008) 

This morning, birds were singing:  a rare treat in Toronto in the wintertime.  This afternoon, walking the dogs, it was getting colder again.  But, my thoughts stayed cheerful:  memories milder weather can bring had already been stirred.  I was thinking about the garden and its coming back to life, once the snow melts completely and finally… 

I planted two miniature pear trees 11 years ago.  However, it was only last year that I tasted their fruit for the first time. The crop looked abundant in the late spring.  Then, by summer’s end, only three samples were left. This year I’m going to have to beat the squirrels to it, and pick whatever is produced before it ripens. There’s nothing like homegrown fare, if you get the opportunity to enjoy it…

Family Day, a holiday that’s unique to Ontario, Canada, and in its second year, proves challenging to some who live solo. Local decision-makers might not have realized and/or taken into account all the variables and ramifications. This province-wide holiday comes just two days after Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day might have felt awkward for individuals without a “special someone” in their life with whom to celebrate. The next day, they recuperate:  move on from worries about having been unable to identify.  Then, another blow: a similar holiday in rapid succession that seems to have even less relevance to their status, experience, and/or interests.

That the number of singles (never married, divorced, widowed, or separated) is growing, in Canada and elsewhere, is not just a fact.  It’s a reality! Unfortunately, most events scheduled in and around Toronto (as listed in the Toronto Star for Family Day) don’t appear to take this into consideration.  A lot of Torontonians can’t but help feel left out.  However, it’s embarrassing for them to complain out loud. So, what can they do, and how might legislators show greater sensitivity in future years?  Should a “Solo Day” be inserted into the calendar too?

Even if  “Family Day” alienates with a name that’s not every-citizen-inclusive, it’s still important to make the most of the opportunity for a day off, and find alternative purpose for festivity. Better not to lament over what the day might be supposed to represent if you are without family and/or have unhappy familial associations. More advisable to try and make the effort to do something worthwhile, memorable, productive, or relaxing, how ever possible.

Here are some suggestions (in random order) to assist solos who might feel disconnected and/or blue on, or due to, Family Day.  Though each person might have different priorities (needs, limitations, capacities, and capabilities), staying optimistic and being open to doing, thinking, and believing differently is important:

1.   Focus on other personal positives and accomplishments.
2.   Stay active (and distracted) with work projects and/or hobbies.
3.   Avoid situations and venues that cause discomfort.
4.   Hang out with others in similar circumstances.
5.   Volunteer and help those less fortunate.
6.   Welcome invitations that are feel-good opportunities, for self or others.
7.   Relax and rest at home if going out doesn’t seem like it will be fun.
8.   Enjoy pets and focus on spending quality time with them.
9.   Catch up with administrivia (bills) and housekeeping (clean up).
10. Smile! (even if you don’t want to)—perhaps the simplest way to start feeling better.
11. Self-Indulge:  read a good book, go for a run, have a glass of wine or massage…
12. Host a get-together or pot-luck: invite other solos and/or families.

Hats off to families (and friends) who are able to reach out to solos and include and/or make a fuss of them, on Family Day especially!  

Earlier related bog posts include:

Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romance, it’s about friendship too—caring, sharing and expressing thanks.  

In a Today Show segment, (January 3rd 08), Shannon Ethridge, author of The Sexually Confident Wife, told how healthy relationships fuel our lives.  Lesley Rotchford, Deputy Editor of Cosmopolitan told how a new year can offer the push you need to move on. The following poem highlights the importance of (good) friends…

Friends Need Friends

Friends are there
When you need them to care

Friends do
No need to ask

Friends are strangers
And strangers are friends

Those about whom we know less
May give more

Those whom we least expect
Hang in and on, don’t reject
Feelings protect

Farewell to friends who aren’t really
Farewell to friends who thought they were, nearly

Friends are there
When you need them to care

We treasure them dearly

True friends know who they are
As well as who they can be

Less is more
And more may be less

Small stuff no big deal
Loyalty real.

Take time to treasure friends old, new, and in between—and show them you do!   Never too late to be (back) in touch with those (once) held dear…  Facebook and other social networking sites are helping a lot of us do this!

Earlier FRIENDSHIP-related blog posts include:

• Relationship Watch: Don’t Know What to Do? Do Something! Doing (and Thinking) Differently in 2009 (January 18, 2009)
• New Year’s Resolutions for 2009: Forgiveness Tops Many a List (December 30, 2008)
• Reflections on “The Season of Giving”: Who Cares? Doers, Takers, Nosey-Pokes, Nothingers (December 28, 2008)
• Veterans Day and SHARING (November 11, 2008)
• Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• No “PLEASE,” No “THANK-YOU,” No HAPPY (May 30, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (Februrary 1,2008)
• DEPRESSION ALERT! and Heath Ledger’s Unfortunate Death (January 24, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• The COURAGE to Speak Up—Use POETRY (July 10, 2007)
• “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• COMPARISON-MAKING, ENVY, JEALOUSY (June 23, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)
• FRIENDS Help Friends (December 7, 2006)

Bravo! The 2009 "Best In Show" Westminster Kennel Club trophy was awarded to "Ch Clussexx Three D Grinchy Glee," aka "Stump,"  a Sussex Spaniel.

Yes!  It’s thrilling that this handsome and calm old boy is the 133rd “Best in Show.”  What a great outcome (and encouragement) for everyone who loves, cherishes and lives with old and/or ailing dogs!

In 2004, Stump had a mystery illness that lasted 19 days and from which he nearly died.  Fortunately, he wasn’t given up on and able to rally, miraculously.  Four years later he’s still going strong, napping and lounging always acceptable—and now, especially.

Perhaps, it helps that Stump sleeps with a previous Westminster Kennel Club winner, JR (a white Bichon Frise).  In fact, JR accompanied Stump to NYC for this year’s competition (as moral support). Is it time for an important message to be put out there?  Please be more sensitive to and embrace older dogs.  They have a lot to offer.  Puppies are fun, but dogs in their golden years are extra special, and there are many out there to take care of and/or adopt.

Stump, already "retired," did no specific training for the competition.  He just rose to the occasion, literally, and seemed a "natural."  As a finale, he surprised and excited the crowd by standing on his hind legs after receiving the award.  Then, at the press conference, directly following his victory, he was a little tired.  But, anyone would have been—(wo)man or dog.  What a whirlwind experience he had had, and the night was still young.  His social calendar for the next 24 hours would be packed!

Best in Show judge, Sari Brewster Tietjen, said that Stump represents so much for a breed that’s hard to find.  She was clearly delighted to have been able to choose him.

Scott Sommer, Stump’s co-owner/handler suggested that Stump’s travel and event schedule during his year as champ would be significantly less than Uno’s (last year’s winner).  Stump would definitely try to do what he could, but within reason.  After all, age, geography, and logistics are significant factors to consider.

Amercan Kennel Club Details:

• Ch Clussexx Three D Grinchy Glee
• Breed: Spaniel (Sussex)
• Sex: Dog
• AKC: SN 61688903
• Date of Birth: December 01, 1998
• Breeder: Douglas Horn & Douglas Johnson & Dee Duffy
• Sire: Ch Three D Genghis Khan
• Dam: Ch Clussexx Sprinkled With Dew
• Owner: Cecilia Ruggles & Beth Dowd & Scott Sommer

December - January, Sage got a penis infection (the preliminary diagnosis we were given).  I’m not sure that I noticed he was unwell right away… This new health challenge may have followed his grooming or coming off antibiotics.  It’s hard to be certain.  But, when I track back, it’s clear that Lev knew something was happening before I did, and alerted me. For more about the "second-dog advantage," please check out an earlier blog piece, Home for the Holidays! Sick Puppy Alert: When Two Dogs are Better than One (December 25, 2008).

This time around, the two dogs adopted some cute positions together (hence the photos). Then, suddenly, they didn’t look cute anymore. Please see beneath Lev’s paw in the image below.

While I am open to homeopathy and alternatives, I still value conventional medicine, especially when time is of the essence.  In certain cases, antibiotics and other meds may need to be prescribed without delay, proper attention being given to potential side-effects. Also, a regular vet may not, always, be able to provide all the answers.  So, if the opportunity presents, don’t be afraid to ask a specialist (human) physician, like a urologist, (as I did).  Acess what’s feasible for another species…then proceed with caution.

Speaking with the urologist confirmed to me that dogs (male and female) can get yeast infections too, especially following treatment with antibiotics (not discussed on several investigatory vet visits). In addition,  Probiotic yogurt, which I’d thought to administer, just in case, might not have been a cure-all.  At the height of Sage’s discomfort, a combination of yeast infection and anti-inflammatory creams (in very small quantities) seemed to help a lot more than the advice to just lubricate…

Since Sage’s condition, ultimately diagnosed as paraphimosis, has been so concerning and prolonged, an information meeting with Dr. Craig Miller at VEC was recommended to discuss possible surgical options.  This occured yesterday. The main solutions he suggested weren’t too pleasant:  extenstion, reduction, or amputation!  Then, after paying another $173.25 (for a 15-minute consult, without examination), we weren’t inclined to ask for an estimate for how much such surgical procedures might cost…  Alternatively, there’s on-going "behavior management," which seems to be working for now: preventing licking (after lubrication and reinsertion) by keeping the area protected.

For more on-line details about canine paraphimosis, treatment options, and causes, PetPlace.com is a good place to start looking.

Earlier blog posts about Lev and Sage and canine health and safety concerns include:

•  “The Sneeze”: Lev Makin (Blog Editor in Chief) Post Oral Surgery—Older Dog, Longer Recovery and Greater Concern (January 14, 2009)
• Lessons from 2008: Canine Confidence and Coincidence Cure (January 1, 2009)
• Home for the Holidays! Sick Puppy Alert: When Two Dogs are Better than One (December 25, 2008)
• Homemade Dog Food: Synchronicity, Health, Quality (November 22, 2008)
• 48-Hours of Caring for Sick and Elderly. Sage Makin, Little Wonder-Dog’s Recovery in Images (November 10, 2008)
• Sick Pets and Veterinary Waiting Rooms (November 6, 2008)
• Older Dogs’ Health Watch (July 10, 2008)
• Veterinary Emergencies (April 2, 2008)
• Holistic Dental Hygiene: For Dogs and Their Humans (March 4, 2008)
• Always a Puppy, Never a Dog (August 23, 2007)
• Dog WEIGHT LOSS and WELL-BEING (June 2, 2007)
• Animal Rescue: DOG-Neglect/SELF-Neglect (May 5, 2007)
• Rescue Dog, “Joey” (May 5, 2007)
• DOG FOOD that’s Safe and Delicious (March 20, 2007)
• DOG-Sitter Caution (January 21, 2007)

Others might not like to admit to creativity lulls or feelings of let-down.  But, as my blog evinces, throughout, I think it’s important to be real and not sugar-coat.  Information sharings can be helpful all round:  affirm we are not alone and others have been there too (and got through).  If we don’t acknowledge all our mood-shades (blacks, as well as whites and grays), appearances risk being deceptive.  Life is seldom as perfect as it might be thought for anyone, and authenticity matters.

I am still on a hiatus from painting.  By the close of 2008, I’d participated in three big shows and series (07 - 08), directly after art school graduation (06). Also, as is familiar to most other "emerging artists," the cumulative run-around from a variety of solicitors (galleries, dealers, agents, businesses, and organizations) who’d proved less reputable and reliable than hoped and assumed, was straining.  End result:  a loss in momentum— the need to take time for the "Three Rs," Rethink, Relax, Reboot.

My slow-down really began when I was too sick (medically/physically) to paint. Until I’m properly well, it’s not wise to resume. That said, it’s not something I’m rushing to do…  A dear artist friend recently shared details of her own time-out.  Her example and perspective were inspirational. A wonderfully talented individual, I was in awe of her insight and understanding (journey and recovery) and lack of competitiveness. 

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, but we need to be kind to ourselves (and have others be kind to us), and not push.  At least that’s the advice I tend to share in other contexts…

My studio isn’t empty.  The last painting that I finished (in October 08) jumps out on entry.  It’s a 60 x 40 inch oil on canvas abstract that became a horse:  a beautiful, calming soothing creature who looks like she’s confident and peaceful.  This piece was different in style than what’s been typical for me, over the past few years.

Thinking back to when I painted this last piece, I realize I sensed that something was going on. (The art therapist in me kicked in.) What I was trying to paint wasn’t coming out as I’d planned.  But, when does it ever, really?  I gave in and let happen whatever wanted to manifest on the canvas. 

This Horse piece followed on from a Duck, a Bird, and a Deer/Fox.  All four paintings will appear in the DocSusan artwork galleries, eventually… with stories about them.  In the meantime, please be patient—with me, yourself, and othewise.  Though we seem to live in a "quick-fix society," real life doesnt work that way.  All good things are worth the wait!

Earlier blog posts on artistic challenges include:

▪ Torrit Grey and Regenerating Creativity (October 11, 2008)
▪ Art Shows: Business Priorities Versus Exhibitor Satisfaction (July 23, 2008)
▪ #20. PRECIOUSNESS/VALUE (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 30, 2007)
▪ #19. SHARING (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 29, 2007)
▪ #18. LIMITATIONS (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 28, 2007)
▪ #17. MESSAGE(S) (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 27, 2007)
▪ #16. (SPECIAL) GIFT(S) (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 26, 2007)
▪ #15. ARTIST PLUS (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 25, 2007)
▪ #14. TIME (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 24, 2007)
▪ #13. THE PUZZLE (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 23, 2007)
▪ #12. SERENDIPITY (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 22, 2007)
▪ #11. ORGANIZATION (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 21, 2007
▪ #10. PRICES (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 18, 2007)
▪ #9. SUPPORT, PATRONAGE, GRANTS (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) 
(November 16, 2007)
▪ #8. “JK ROWLING SYNDROME” (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 14, 2007)
▪ #7. PAINTER’S FATIGUE (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!") (November 12, 2007)
▪ #6. NOTICING THE DETAILS (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 10, 2007)
▪ #5. STRATEGIC/CONSCIOUS PAINTING (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) 
(November 8, 2007)
▪ #4. CREATIVE PRESSURE/RELEASE (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 4, 2007)
▪ #3. SACRIFICE (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (November 1, 2007)
▪ #2. STAMINA (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (October 28, 2007)
▪ #1. ENDURANCE (Reflection While Painting “Buon Appetito!”) (October 24, 2007)
▪ Candid Artistic Ramblings: Reflections While Painting “Buon Appetito!”—Preparing for the Florence Biennale (October 19, 2007)
▪ INSTINCT, EXPRESSION, and CREATIVITY—in WRITING, PAINTING, and MUSIC (July 31, 2007)
▪  PAINTING and PERSEVERANCE (July 27, 2007)
▪  Entering PAINTING COMPETITIONS Can Be Disheartening (July 16, 2007)
▪  Stages of My PAINTING PROCESS (July 5, 2007)
▪  PAINTERS and WRITERS: Survival Tips, Cautions, and Experiences (March 30, 2007)
▪  PAINTING: Getting to the heART of why we do it (January 5, 2007)

There’s a beautiful walled garden, in Reynolds Park, Woolton (a Liverpool suburb).  Yesterday, perhaps because there weren’t any flowers in bloom, we were struck by the number of benches there.  Benches given in memory of those who’d enjoyed the garden previously.  Soon, it seemed, there might not be room left for any more.  Sad, satisfying, sweet, and significant…

Earlier “in memoriam” blog posts include:

• IN MEMORY of Tim Russert, and Others Less Easily Remembered (June 14, 2008)
• DEPRESSION ALERT! and Heath Ledger’s Unfortunate Death (January 24, 2008)

An interesting coincidence:  BBC News Morning News has just advised it’s Blue Monday today, the gloomiest day of the year. However, the benches in Reynolds Park look anything but!

The Today Show, January 2nd, discussed Relationships, and their significance for 2009.  2008 having been a difficult year for most of us, psychiatrist, Gail Saltz, in a "New Year, New You" segment, stressed how important is is to be able to focus on the positive, for oneself, and with others.  Her main points (and advice) included:

1. The number one source of happiness is relationships, not material stuff.  
2. When you think negative thoughts you’ll think more negative thoughts.
3. Jot down the small things that made you happy today to help shift you towards a more positive attitude.
4. The more spiritual you can be, the better you’ll cope.
5. Give to others (think outside of yourself).
6. Just changing perspective can make things easier for you.

Most human beings thrive on love, affection, and connection but are afraid to ask for it, especially if they’re alone or isolated (by chance or choice).  Not matter how much someone protests that they don’t need help or consideration, they usually do.  Awkwardness and pride get in the way.  Real friends ignore protestations and act anyway:

TO DO

1.  Don’t know what to say to those experiencing loss? You don’t have to. Call/visit anyway. Better that than to do nothing at all.  "Being there" is the greatest gift and doesn’t cost.

2.  Don’t know if those who are sick need help?  Don’t ask, just do.  When we’re weak it’s not always possible to speak.  Everything’s an extra effort, and no one likes complainers.  Those surrounded by loving and kind others (close relatives, or strangers) make speedier recoveries.  Phone calls, food packages, rides to the hospital, and get-well cards all count.  There are a variety of ways to "be there" even if you’re far away, emotionally or geographically.

3. Celebrate others year-round, not just occasion-round.  Don’t overlook those who don’t reach typical milestones (births, marriages, engagements, anniversaries).  Birthdays, new jobs, new homes, and "just because" acknowledgments are important too.  It’s not only the attention received at extra special times that counts, it’s the attention that’s shown day-to-day.  Everyone likes to feel worthwhile, no matter how little fuss they make!

4.  Transition from "me-" to "we-" thinking.  Self-absorption is a disease of the 21st century.  Don’t fall victim to it!  Most relationships seem to happen (and last) on a needs basis, but they don’t have to.  Just because you’ve married/had kids and your friend hasn’t, don’t desert him.  Just because you’re a girl seeking a guy, don’t be jealous/angry when a girl pal meets a guy before you do.  Sticking around for someone else, and/or being happy for them, even if your circumstances aren’t as favorable are point-scorers.  Walking or fading away, and silences damage once-good bonds and histories beyond repair, and the collateral damage (depression, hurt, and beyond), whether it’s recognized or not, after-the-fact, can be devastating.  

TO THINK ABOUT

1.  Savoir-faire matters (know-how, or knowing what to do)  Health, connections, happiness, and good fortune are all gifts.  Some of us have more opportunity for, and access to, them than others.  Even if we are not in control of the bigger picture, we may have the ability to influence smaller happenings:  help make difficult situations easier for those with whom our life intersects.  Knowledge is power, and denying what you know, when you could do something to help make things easier (for someone else), is unfortunate.  Good Intentions, even if they backfire, reflect well.  For those who are responsible and upfront (show good intent), no games/guises equals no regrets!

2. Sad, but true, circumstances change in moments.  Life can be humbling, emotionally as well as physically and materially/financially.  Some can’t relate to negative circumstances.  Others know little else.  Cliché as it might seem, seeing the cup half-full and putting yourself in another’s shoes are important.

Earlier related blog posts include:

• New Year’s Resolutions for 2009: Forgiveness Tops Many a List (December 30, 2008)
• Reflections on “The Season of Giving”: Who Cares? Doers, Takers, Nosey-Pokes, Nothingers (December 28, 2008)
• Veterans Day and SHARING (November 11, 2008)
• Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• No “PLEASE,” No “THANK-YOU,” No HAPPY (May 30, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (Februrary 1,2008)
• DEPRESSION ALERT! and Heath Ledger’s Unfortunate Death (January 24, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• The COURAGE to Speak Up—Use POETRY (July 10, 2007)
• “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• COMPARISON-MAKING, ENVY, JEALOUSY (June 23, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)
• FRIENDS Help Friends (December 7, 2006)

Every moment with my dogs is special.  And, as they age, I realize, all the more, what a gift it is that they’ve had reasonably healthy lives, so far.   When they do get sick, which seems to be more frequently of late, it’s very distressing…  Old age and health challenges come to us all, no matter our species or status.  It’s all in how they’re handled:  our own attitude as well as that of those who stick around and how they help see us through.  Earlier blog posts about this include:  Hat-Tricks and Hospital Waiting Rooms (November 5, 2008), Sick Pets and Veterinary Waiting Rooms (November 6, 2008) Home for the Holidays! Sick Puppy Alert: When Two Dogs are Better than One. (December 25, 2008).

Not to outdo Sage and myself, Lev had emergency surgery yesterday.  I’d noticed “the sneeze” for a couple of weeks.  It was intermittent and not like Sage’s—more like a human’s (she’s a bigger dog). It came in series, usually earlier in the day or later at night.  Her playing, eating, barking, walking/running, and bossing were unchanged, but her eyelids, especially over the last few days, started to look swollen (patches of flesh evident between her hairs)…

Sage and I had taken attention away from Lev, over recent months, with our own surgeries, and she had been our “rock.”  This gave me a niggling fear that Lev might not be indestructible herself.  Sometimes you just know…  Once Sage and I were more alert and able to resume semi-normal activities, I observed Lev more closely, taking her straight to the operating theater.  Something wasn’t quite right! “The Sneeze” was the signal…

Please be aware that vets who aren’t certified in animal dentistry can’t always be sure where sneezing can come from.  But, that said, and after-the-fact, even as a lay person, I’ve come to find this hard to comprehend…  In Sage’s case, Dr. Mason jumped to do an elaborate (and expensive) battery of general tests that could have been avoided.  If he’d followed Dr. Kneebone’s referral note’s suggestion to do dental XRays, we could have been saved a lot of grief.  After all, Dr. Kneebone’s deduction came as a result of numerous visits to her office, and homeopathic remedies (again, all at a price—financially and emotionally).  In retrospect, I fear that the “dance” may have continued, had I not screamed for conventional emergency help…  

After an unnecessarily drawn out and frustrating experience like the one Sage endured, you do not forget easily.  We paid Dr. Mason (heftily), but Pet Care did not reimburse us.  This had something do with the way in which Dr. Mason filled out the insurance claim form. It also had something to do with Pet Care’s policies and practices. (There will be more about this in a future blog post.)  We canceled our pet insurance and we won’t go back to Dr. Mason…

This time around, because of the Sage-experience, I bypassed "referring vets" (and related expenses) and went straight to Dr. Sharon French.  She is as kind as she is professional and considerate.  She understands how vet bills can mount up, unnecessarily, delaying appropriate and expedient treatment, and only did the essential.  Once Lev had had the dental Xrays, confirmation was given of what was wrong.  And, when the surgery began, it was even clearer what needed to be done.  Six abscessed teeth were extracted!

 

Yesterday afternoon, I made another batch of home-made dog food in anticipation of Lev’s homecoming.  She wasn’t ready till nine last night, and a very sad and sore little girl…  Sage is still wearing his lampshade.  (His post-surgery health issue will be discussed in a later blog post.)  He  came with me to get her, wagging his tail, a mile a minute, after a very mellow day.  He greeted her lampshade to lampshade, but she wasn’t interested.

Lev’s nose bled and her tail was down. I held her in my arms and she couldn’t look at me.  Just whimpered.  The drive home, I had her on my lap, lifeless.  Only when we turned into our street did her head pop up and she started to cry.  I lifted her from the car and she walked into the house.  Remarkably, she made it to her favorite spot, climbing tentatively onto the kitchen table, from where she didn’t move.  And, as for the homemade dog food, she wasn’t even interested in that…. With difficulty, I let her be.  

Taking her to bed with me, I held and stroked her through the night.  Her breathing was congested and the snoring kept me up.  Finally, she managed to pee this morning.  And, when I shed a tear, she licked my face.  Sage has backed off in the attention-seeking department.  He’s stable, for now.  Lev needs all our love, and she’s going to get it!

Other blog posts about Lev and Sage, and the canine-human bond and health matters, include:

• Lessons from 2008: Canine Confidence and Coincidence Cure (January 1, 2009)
• Home for the Holidays! Sick Puppy Alert: When Two Dogs are Better than One. (December 25, 2008)
• Homemade Dog Food: Synchronicity, Health, Quality (November 22, 2008)
• 48-Hours of Caring for Sick and Elderly. Sage Makin, Little Wonder-Dog’s Recovery in Images (November 10, 2008)
• One to One at Apple: Customer Satisfaction and Doggies Included (July 26, 2008)
• Older Dogs’ Health Watch (July 10, 2008)
• Artists Need Moral Support—and Caninekind Offers the Best (May 5, 2008)
• Veterinary Emergencies (April 2, 2008)
• Every Art Studio Needs a Watch-Dog (April 10, 2008)
• Sunbathing DOGS (March 12, 2008)

Under the weather and housebound can have pluses!  At the end of 2008, I gave myself permission to indulge and rediscover old (but not sufficiently explored hobbies, like cooking and sewing. Usually, with a rigorous work schedule there’d be no time…

Lev and Sage agreed to assist me with projects—new designs for their dog clothes and matching beds:

Getting going with sewing, I found out that Toronto is quite a hub for those looking to learn more about this craft.  There’s a bunch of facilities and teachers to suit all interests and budgets!  Here’s what I came across, more or less accidentally, not far from home:

• The Sewing Studio
• Sew Be It, Studio Workshop
• The Workroom
• Creative Sewing School (Barbara Hobbs, 416 483 6102, Avenue and Lawrence)

Denise, from the Sewing Studio, provided motivation with easy assignments, like the beds above!

Also, for supplies and equipment, I discovered a variety of options:

• For equipment and accessories, there’s the Sewing Centre (416 487 4438, 2144 Yonge Street).  Great customer service and lessons from Joe Murphy!

• For fabrics, Designer Fabrics on Queen is recommended by the trade, with the best prices, and most interesting offerings, off sale.

• For the best one-stop shop and discounts (with membership) Fabricland seems to dominate—though shopping there might be a fun experience.

• The Dollerama on Queen (close to Designer Fabrics) has some interesting accessories and tools.

As fate would have it, my little dog, Sage, (Editor in Chief of the DocSusan website) fell ill around the same time as I did. His fight for survival and bounce-back over the last few months was inspiring, when making sure I was well enough to take him to veterinary appointments became an interesting dance.  On the many days of bed rest between hospital procedures, we cuddled and snuggled and helped each other through.

Please check out my poetry about hospital waiting rooms and veterinary waiting rooms.  It shares experiences that most people will go through at one time or another—for which there is usually no preparation or easy way to cope.  Then there’s the waiting for the surgery to be over, and anticipation…

I am sincerely grateful to those who have been there for both Sage and myself through our challenging days, especially Lev (Editor in Chief of this blog)!  A happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year to everyone. Look forward, not back!  Better times ahead…

Forgiveness
A state of mind
More about you than me

Forgiveness
Nothing to do with stuff you may say I’ve done
That about which others, more savvy, might not have thought

Silences alienate
Anger bursts annihilate

Reason, too often not there
Do you really care?

You, not me

You, the one holding the grudge
You, the one whom it’s impossible to nudge

How upset you are is not what things are really about
Or your pout

Forgiveness
A state of mind
Distinguishes the difficult from the kind

Let another live, calmly, their life
Evaporate strife

Realize no one is perfect

We all make mistakes
And we all need breaks

Distance and time
Willingness and compensation
Altruism and imagination

Sometimes matters repair
Sometimes they induce heavier care

"Forgiveness," an 11-letter word
From word to action…

Kind gestures finally seem to matter more than material gifts, in part because of the economy, in part because there’s no substitute for healthful human connection.  This holiday season, I baked cookies for friends, neighbors, and neighborhood businesses.  These were genuinely appreciated.  Home-made—no matter how basic, like chocolate chip cookies—shows you care, and that you’ve put precious time aside to do so, beyond the actual gift-giving act or purchase.  During the planning and creation process, it just feels good to know that there can be simpler ways to make others happy.  The more impersonal and alienating/lonely the world becomes, the harder we have to try…

Who cares, and who doesn’t?  You might be surprised and disappointed to find out, especially at peak moments. 

Peak moments are special circumstances (like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other celebrations).  Peak moments can also be times of difficulty:  sickness, loss, disappointment—not health, gain, and happiness.

As we exit the "season of giving" it’s good timing to reflect on our own behavior, as well as others’.  "Do unto others as we would wish to have done unto us" is a familiar cliché," one that may seem increasingly hard to have ring true.  Until something happens to us, ourselves, we might not get that jolt—the jolt that is humbling.  As we stumble, we want another to help catch our fall.  But, there’s not always anyone there—anyone we can count on that is.

Four main personality types appear obvious:  Doers, Talkers, Nosey-Pokes, and Nothingers:

• Doers do, no need to talk about it, in advance or afterwards. They surprise and delight, excuses not necessary.  Doers might owe us nothing.  We can owe them everything.

• Talkers talk, but seldom come through—do or give to anyone else except themselves.

• Nosey-Pokes like to know what’s happening.  "Talking" and "doing" are not really their concerns.  Information check-ins help keep them in the loop—provide scoop/fuel for gossip, but little more.

• Nothingers don’t do, talk, or nose.  They simply aren’t interested in any way—unless it’s about them.

Friends you thought were friends might prove they’re not.  Strangers fill in the blanks, and beyond.  Expectations lead to disappointments.  Disappointments lead to expectations.  At peak moments, we’re likely to realize all of this, and more…

Good caring others may be found once we stop pursuing and/or grieving for those who aren’t.

Earlier related blog posts include:

• Veterans Day and SHARING (November 11, 2008)
• Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (Februrary 1,2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• The COURAGE to Speak Up—Use POETRY (July 10, 2007)
• “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• COMPARISON-MAKING, ENVY, JEALOUSY (June 23, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• FRIENDS Help Friends (December 7, 2006)

Thanksgiving already a memory, the Christmas holidays are almost upon us.  No matter the holiday, house guests are usually involved.  How they behave (or don’t) can help make or break a happy home.

Some guests are house-trained.  Others are not, but can be coaxed.  Here’s a checklist of some essentials:

1.  Bring a gift (no matter how small, or homemade). Tokens of a appriectiation count.
2. "Thank you" matters.  Call or write within a couple of days.
3.  Strip/change the bed and gather up linens and towels for laundry, and/or replace with fresh ones before leaving (if not using your own).
4.  Clean the bathroom that you have been using (especially if it’s one that’s been for your exclusive use).
5.  Eat, drink, and enjoy without taking advantage.  If you know your needs are greater/different than what the host(s) can provide, come prepared or assist with filling the fridge, as necessary.
6.  Tidy up after yourself.  Even if you’re messy at home, try harder not to be elsewhere.  
7.  Know the "rules of the house."  If shoes are supposed to be taken off inside, they are supposed to be taken off inside.  If lights don’t need to be on in every room, lights don’t need to be on in every room…
8.  Be helpful.  Better than asking what you can do to help, take initiative, and do what’s needed to help.  If it’s garbage day, make sure that’s not overlooked.  If the host has a headache and might need a cup of tea, make one.

If you are not invited to stay again, perhaps check the list given above to help determine why.

Other blog posts about consideration and/or social etiquette include:

 • Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• Reliability, Vulnerability, Fear (October 8, 2008)
• Mixed Messages and Contradictions (September 29, 2008)
• PLAY NICE—Near and Far! (John Edwards too… (August 13, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (February 1, 2008)
• DEPRESSION ALERT! and Heath Ledger’s Unfortunate Death (January 24, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
•  “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)

p.s. Reader feedback on this post has been interesting.  One suggestion has been to add a "point number 9"—"If the host gets upset with you for any reason, react calmly and don’t engage their frustration."  Let’s also wonder why a host might get upset, and if certain hosts can be too hard to please!

ANATOMY OF A VACATION

Day one
Adventure just begun
Mind shifting, spirits lifting

Day two
Experience still new
Transitioning through

Day three
Rhythms change
More oriented, less strange

Days four and five
Starting to feel alive

Enjoyment finding

Day six, getting your fix
Wanting more

Savoring the moment while it lasts

Then there’s day seven
Almost homeward bound

Just started to relax and it’s time to pack
To reality, get back

Fresher you feel
Another few days would have been ideal.

Some face disappointments better than others, especially when they’re not alone.  Last week, Anne Curry spoke graciously about the Today Show team’s decision to discontinue their climb up Kilimanjaro.  Disappointing as it was, she appeared heartened by the experience.  Taking into account the well-being of everyone in the group of five had clearly been bonding, rewarding, and energizing.  Out of negativity can come positivity, especially if peers help cope with, share, and determine consequences.  Having to act, think, and feel by oneself (no support, discussion, or empathy) is a lot more challenging.

With respect to the Today Show’s Kilimanjaro ascent, it is not unusual that the group might not have made it to the top.  Regardless of poor weather conditions, and the extra responsibilities covering a story gave, statistics show that only 50% of those who set out do finish the climb.

If facing disappointment alone, what might help?

1.  Follow-up—having something else to which it’s possible to look forward
2.  Being prepared in advance—knowing (available) options, possibilities, and alternatives
3.  Aftercare—the ability to focus on other interests and distractions
4.  Knowing the odds—realistic expectations and keeping things in perspective
5.  Strangers making (helpful) approaches out-of -the-blue
6.  Family and friends not adding to letdowns
7.  Time—for healing, reflection, and reconnection
8.  Surprises—being open to coincidences and outcomes that might help lead to fresh opportunities

Earlier blog entries about other life-challenges (and stress-reaction-generators and -protectors), include:

• Veterans Day and SHARING (November 11, 2008)
• Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• Solo Travel (October 22, 2008)
• Reliability, Vulnerability, Fear (October 8, 2008)
• Airport News Stands: Jennifer Aniston, “Straggler Single”: Uncommon Attention, Common Problems. (Poetry about Dating and Related Blog Entry Links Included) (August 22, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• No “PLEASE,” No “THANK-YOU,” No HAPPY (May 30, 2008)
• 24/7 (April 19, 2008)
• In Anticipation of VALENTINE’S DAY, Singles Included (February 13, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• February FUNK (February 3, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (Februrary 1,2008)
• Dating Games and Disappointments, On- and Off-Line: Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker Helps Identify Obstacles to Relationship-Making (January 25, 2008)
• DEPRESSION ALERT! and Heath Ledger’s Unfortunate Death (January 24, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• The COURAGE to Speak Up—Use POETRY (July 10, 2007)
• “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• COMPARISON-MAKING, ENVY, JEALOUSY (June 23, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• SLEEP Issues (May 20, 2007)
• “MOTHER’S Day” for the Disconnected (May 16, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• FAMILIARITY (March 12, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• No-Partum Depression (NPD)—Not “Celebrity Gossip” Worthy (February 18, 2007)
• Notes on a Scandal: SINGLE and Living Vicariously (February 12, 2007)
• SINGLE Woman Syndrome (SWS) (January 30, 2007)
• Bad DATE Indicators (January 22, 2007)
• SINGLES’ Health: Eating Alone (January 14, 2007)
• SINGLE and Not Settling (December 29, 2006)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)
• FRIENDS Help Friends (December 7, 2006)
• Loss (November 19, 2006)

Earlier blog entries about the Today Show’s Kilimanjaro climb:

• Will "Today Show’s” Anne Curry Reach the Summit? No Live Camera Footage on Day Two of Reporting from Kilimanjaro, Just Inspiration and Conservation
(November 18, 2008)
• Tricks And Secrets For Making It To The Top: The Truth About Ascending Kilimanjaro By Someone Who’s Done It. “Today Show’s Anne Curry Struggling”—Dramatic Headline Tops Google Searches Yesterday (November 18, 2008)
• Anne Curry Climbs Kilimanjaro: Today Show Goes to the Ends of the Earth to Examine Life-Sustaining Sources of Water and Threats to Them. Preparing to Climb Kilimanjaro? Check DocSusan’s Blog (November 17, 2008)

Anne Curry spoke by phone (live) from Kilimanjaro, today. Yes, breathing might be difficult, but wireless connections do work almost all the way to the top.  Many guides have cell phones, and chat and text frequently, while taking breaks!

How is Anne really doing?  Something viewers, and the other presenters, are clearly wondering.  Her voice definitely sounds like she’s experiencing altitude sickness.  Also, she must be fatigued from the climb, and the thinner air makes it difficult to speak normally.  Despite this, it’s obvious her spirits are high, as she confirmed.  What an accomplishment—not only to participate on the ascent, but to work as hard as she has done by bringing us such insightful, unique, and careful reporting, regardless of obstacles!*

The MSNBC crew are now at 15,700 feet, where, we’re told, they will have several days to adjust and relax.  Rest, perseverance, and teamwork, will, hopefully, see them through!  In my experience, the last 4,000 feet come more easily, thanks to the added benefits of Diamox, hand-warmers, adrenaline, warm clothes and water, and lots of faith.  Also, very important to know, Tanzanian guides and porters are incredible!

Be assured, each climber will be assisted and/or encouraged every step of the way from here on in—and checked with a pulse oximeter, frequently!  Also, please know that when I made it to the top on my own climb, I wasn’t able to take any photos or video footage.  The agony—and ecstasy—were simply too great!

All the best to Anne and her team. Even if the Today Show climbers don’t make it all the way, they’ve still given us a wonderful gift.  * The focus on water conservation—the real purpose of the trip—has been inspiring!  Most people who climb Kilimanjaro return home with life-changing/saving ideas, that hopefully will translate into actions, big or small.  I made a personal list, shared in a blog piece entitled, Lessons from Kilimanjaro (January 11, 2008). 

For further information on climbing Kilimanjaro, and firsthand accounting, please check out other earlier blog entries, listed in yesterday’s (November 17, 08) blog piece:  Anne Curry Climbs Kilimanjaro: “Today Show” Goes to the Ends of the Earth to Examine Life-Sustaining Sources of Water and Threats to Them.

For further details on how to become more "green," please check out NBC Universal’s Green Your Routine links.

There are many interesting aspects to the Today Show’s Anne Curry climb up Mount Kilimanjaro, beyond the notion that she might not make it to the top.  But, if Google rankings indicate popularity, David Bauder’s Associated Press article (which suggests that possibility) appears to be dominating search pages.

Readers and writers who haven’t had the privilege of ascending this great peak might not realize the daunting task this very talented and (usually) incredibly fearless journalist was given (at short notice).  They also might not know that mountain sickness (like weather condition changes) can come in waves.  Some days and hours are better than others. Those who have initial difficulties might do well later. Those who do well earlier might do poorly later.  Luck, predictability, certainty, and confidence aren’t quite the same above the clouds as below them.  

As I’ve revealed in recollections of my own climb, from last year, training doesn’t always matter as much as three other factors: Here are some personal tricks/secrets I discovered along the way, in an excerpt from from my December 2, 2007 Blog Entry:  Climbing KILIMANJARO—Making it to the Top

I wasn’t the fittest person in the group, I also hadn’t done enough (almost any) training.  So, how did I make it to the top (be in the 50% who do, and the only woman among peers)?  I think three factors helped:

For the last hour I wept my way up, partly out of pain, partly out of emotion—maybe more out of emotion. I couldn’t turn off my tears or howls. The tears froze and the howls got absorbed by the wind.  The feelings were intensely private.  But, as discussed later with climbing peers, appropriately universal.  These guys had had their own emotional releases too!  Reaching the top, we all embraced.  It was a magical moment in a glacial wonderland where we were too cold and tired to take photos or stick around.

Preparing to Climb Kilimanjaro?  For more details about the Kilimanjaro climbing experience, as well as links to ealier blog entries, please see my posting from yesterday (November 17, 08):  Anne Curry Climbs Kilimanjaro: “Today Show” Goes to the Ends of the Earth to Examine Life-Sustaining Sources of Water and Threats to Them.