Whatever you do that involves others requires a shift from "me" to "we" thinking.  Simple in theory, harder in practice.

Keeping everyone happy—and challenges to that—are usually based on three fundamentals, in most instances. Here is a brief  "how to" overview of fundamentals that seem to matter:

Consider:
1. How and why you’ve come together. Are goals similar?
2. What the rules might be—what’s  right and wrong, ethically, morally, circumstantially.
3. Where clarifications are necessary (if rules are bent), so misunderstandings don’t happen, and one party isn’t misled.

Be:
1. Fair and honest
2. Open and respectful
3. Flexible and considerate

…as best you can.  Most people know when they are taking advantage of someone else, and the person being taken advantage of knows too!  Don’t keep (the idea of) a relationship going at any cost in the hope that it’ll get better—because you’re the one who’ll be paying afterwards.

Upsets come from:
1. Being out of synch/selfishness—one person putting their own needs first (saying and doing differently or vice versa).
2. Expectations of both parties not being expressed or agreed upon (in advance or as they shift).  Avoidance isn’t a solution, just a way to upset someone else.  
3. Distractions being allowed to take over (one person changing their priorities, but not telling the other, and not putting in equal effort).

Long distance relationships have higher stakes and extra obstacles:
1. Trust, openness and communication matter even more.
2. Out of site should not be out of mind. (Excuses are easy!)
3. Practical, financial, and emotional realities are all stretched, tested, and differ.

Bottom lines:
1. It’s not all about you!  Never was!
2. Everyone has limited time and energy. Please don’t waste another’s!
3. Consequences happen.  We might not realize at the time how we affect someone else, but a lot of damage can come about from what might be considered "trivial."  As much as you might not be hurting, someone else could be in agony…

Cliché but apt: "Put the shoe on the other foot!"  We all have hopes and dreams, and it takes courage to make oneself vulnerable—even though life is short, and there are only so many opportunities for happiness.  If you know that you are jeopardizing someone else’s well-being by not being upfront and playing things out because it suits you, think again…

Alas!  If things are "too good to be true," they too often can be…  No matter how one conducts oneself in other circumstnaces (or is seen to be to the oustide world), it’s daily enounters, and opporunities for genuine intimacy that reveal who they really are and can be (or not).
 
The most powerful, wealthy, or good-looking among us have the greatest responsibilities and weaknesses, since they may have more possibilites to get away with things. Because of who they are or what they have (regardless of where it comes from) and their bigger-picture "do good" deeds, they can raise the loudest alarm bells!  Entitlement may be an outcome, but not a justification…  

Though news of the the "John Edwards Sex Scandal" is only just breaking, and details and coverage aren’t all clear, this is just another example of what we see not always being what we get.  Or, what we imagine could be possible (and wonder why not) actually being so.  Role models are hard to find, and "everyday people" imitate and get away with much more (than before) just because they can.  Sad, but true, this is something that’s become almost unremarkable socially.

Those who may be seen to have "less going for them" are invariably more reliable—and better at "playing nice!" On-line daters, take heed when making selections!  What impresses and allures on screen, might not in real life!

These days, individuals can end up more isolated and self-involved than ever, with the shift from a "me-focus" to a "we-focus" proving difficult. Attention of any type, even if it’s harmful, tends to allure. This is when judgment gets clouded and mistakes are made. Age-old problems, like manipulation, take on fresh force.  No matter how technologically savvy we are—how many "friends" we have on Facebook—basic human-to-human "communication glitches" abound. These need to be dealt with in real-world time, and have real-world consequences. 

Manipulation comes from those whom we least suspect and expect  It creeps up and masquerades as kindness and generosity. Then, suddenly, there’s a wakeup call—a financial, emotional, or physical price to pay to the person who claims to be offering assistance/friendship "out of the goodness of their heart." Alas! The one who’d encouraged us to count on them really had their own agenda all along.  But, ultimately, even this manipulator loses too. The relationship needs to be severed and things can never be the same again. Trust and respect is gone, as well as a whole lot more. Time to move on, as this poetic reflection explains…

Dear Manipulator

You were so nice, so kind
I was so blind

Disengaging was hard to do
But it enabled me to grow

When self-esteem is down and we don’t have adequate support networks, we are all the more vulnerable and susceptible to those who survive/thrive on manipulative behavior.  Manipulatolrs usually seek attention to help assuage their own wounds, longings, and lackings.  Exagerated gestures and finding ways to become indispensable may be a ploy to help the manipulator appear valuable to others, as well as important in the wider world.  But, tension mounts when the manipulated feels trapped or deceived.  Self-protection (hopefully) kicks in.  Breaking free takes courages.  It also leads to loss. But loss leads to learning.  Know better for next time!

Earlier blog entries that discuss related topics include:

Reciprocity, Feb 8, 2008

Give to Give, (poem), Sept 5, 2007

Keep Your Word, July 25, 2007

A and B List Friends, July 8, 2007

Friends Help Friends, December 7, 2006

With my constantly changing routines and busy travel schedule, I usually find it hard to commit to extra-curricula classes.  Also, I am not a "gym person".  But, this past week, a neighborhood offering met my needs and interests admirably.  Roots’ flagship store in Rosedale has free one-class passes for their yoga studio.  Stimulated by the first class, I decided to take advantage of a "summer special"—unlimited classes for a week for $20. Though classes are reduced in number for the season, there were enough to meet my needs, and four out of five were enjoyable—especially the pilates. The studio is low-key, no mirrors or fancy accessories, and appears to have a regular clientele (all female).  Positioned at the back of the building (away from Yonge Street) the view of tree-tops through the window is well-planned and soothing.  And, eventually, you stop noticing the rattles of the subway line down below.  Definitely a positive experience!

Have you heard of WAYN (Where Are You Now?)? An interesting concept! I hadn’t until I got repeated e-mails from them a few months ago. Apparently, an acquaintance had added me as a "friend" and I needed to confirm that we do, indeeed, know each other. The first notification said I had three messages waiting for me. Then, a matter of hours later, I got another notification stating that I needed to "confirm friendship" and that I had 11 messages waiting for me. (I didn’t respond.) And, just as WAYN stopped e-mailing, another unknown (to me) Canadian/Ontario social networking site began, Two Ones.  Another "acquaintance," apparently, wanted me join him there. Only two notifications this time. (Again, I didn’t respond.) How many on-line social/networking groups can one join, and be active with on an on-going basis—especially if invitees who already know each other (and are seldom in contact) off-line?  More to the point, how much time is it possible to spend on-line?  What’s happened to old-fashioned ways of going out and making "real live friends"—spending actual time with people you’ve known for a while , or would like to meet in person.  As many others have done, for professional reasons, and due to "friends’" urging, I joined Facebook, Myspace, and Linked In.  However, I have only been moderately active with one of them—Facebook.  This is the site that where the majority of people I know (or one might believe I know) seem to be active, for one reason or another… 

Little wonder there needs to be public service announcements advising against drinking and driving (while operating water vehicles).  The LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario) occupies prime real estate in popular lakeside locations.  In Killarney and Port Carling, their properties are waterfront.  Look at Port Carling’s pick-up dock (in the photo posted above).  On a recent road trip through Northern Ontario, no matter the basics communities seemed to lack, government liquor stores appeared prominent and dominant.  Maclean’s Canada Day double issue, with a feature offering the "startling facts" about Canadians vs Americans" gave interesting statistcs. Apparently, 27% of Canadians conusme alcholhoic drinks "at least ‘a few times a week’" compared to 19% of Americans.  Also, 1.3% of Canadians’ household expenditure goes on alcohol compared to 1% of Americans’.

Apple raises the bar on customer service and satisfaction, encouraging repeat business and spontaneous purchases. Win-win for everyone!

With their Procare and One to One assistance, you can get Apple technical support (for 15 mins) and/or personal instruction (for one hour) weekly.  Annual fees are very reasonable, and trainers savvy, friendly, and versatile.  Also, depending on location, canine assistants have been known to enjoy participating too!  

Lev and Sage are always eager to learn, and happy to observe from their travel bag.

Lev (as editor in chief of this blog) is pensive. 

Sage (as editor in chief of the DocSusan website) takes his job seriously (sometimes).

p.s.  Please note that the Eaton Centre Apple Store will be "undergoing renovations" mid-August for 10 weeks, so their space and services will be reduced during that time.

Tis the season when artists get solicited to apply to art shows.  And, when you’re juried in (supposedly chosen by noteworthy judges, due to your artwork being of a particular standard) it’s easy to feel chuffed.  In fact, the excitement might help you overlook how much you then have to pay to register (on average, between $1000 and $3000) exclusive of accommodation, transportation, importation tarifs, printing, and other costs.  

Having participated in three international shows, back to back (December 2007 - April 2008), Florence Biennale, Toronto Art Expo, The Artist Project (Chicago), I’ve had ample chance to discover the expectations and disappointments such experiences can generate.  While the organizers make money (mostly from the artists), artists can feel short-changed and become frustrated for a variety of reasons:

1.  Feedback isn’t seen to be responded to, or remedied, when things go wrong, or aren’t as suggested.
2.  Conditions (for setup and takedown) can be as exhausting as they might be chaotic.  There are a lot of logistics, but not every protocol is logical.
3.  Booth location might be unfair (yielding unequal opportunities)—attached to seniority of participants, favoritism, or the luck of the draw.
4.  Advertising and ticket sales (on the show’s part) might be insufficient.
5.  Inconsistencies (who gets away with showing/selling reproductions) or expands beyond their allotted physical space could be overlooked.
6.  Excess charges for sundries, like lighting, electricity, flooring and furniture, usually supplied by third parties (that aren’t as good quality as advertised) can mount up, unnecessarily.
7.  Out-of-towners travel expenses receive little, if no, subsidy.
8.  Shipping (from out-of-town) is problematic, organizers neither subsidizing charges nor helping resolve practical/procedural complications.

Of course, the above is just a partial list.  The photos included below (taken at The Artist Project, 08) reveal additional glitches. All photos were taken during show hours, and this is just a small selection:

1. Busy aisle (but booth 4123A was almost the only booth not in an aisle).  Caution:  Object to being isolated. Neighbors matter!

2. Display and cleaning closet alongside each other. Caution:  What’s next to you is important.

3. Empty café opposite the booth.  Caution:  A café might appear like an attraction, but only if people go to it…

4. Garbage bin infront of display frequently. Caution:  Nice to have amenities close by, but not that close…

5. Endless cleaning stuff passing in front.  Caution:  In an out-of-the-way booth, distractions like these don’t make things any better!

6. Open closet and show guests, side-by-side.  Caution:  Not every booth can be ideally placed, if organizers are maximizing on floor space (and revenue).

7.  Traffic flow to the aisle marked "exit" (misses the booth completely).  Caution:  Organizers might argue that this is not a "problem," but when they bypass the booth, themselves, distributing "feedback forms" it’s a little ironic.

8.  Raised wall joints that make hanging difficult.  Caution:  After-the-fact, you might be told that these could have been attended to.  But, by whom and how at a time when any "special request" makes it seem like you’re a "fuss-pot"?

Typically, show organizers, no matter the stature of their show, appear unconcerned about responding to individual artist feedback post show, or prepared to compensate for problems.  Instead, it seems, their focus is on group solicitations for follow-up shows (expanding revenue options). There are plenty of fresh artists eager to exhibit their work who’d be thrilled to have it accepted (regardless of organizational issues and expense)!

With all the thunderstorms of late, there’s also been a lot of rainbows.  Hopefully, that means (a lot of) good luck is on its way.  Check out this rainbow on a usually drab section of Yonge Street (close to Yonge/St Clair).  An ordinary evening can become special in an instant, if we’re open to acknowledging it…

Older dogs are like well-worn gloves. They fit perfectly, but shouldn’t be taken forgranted.   We don’t know when they’ll fall apart, or how. But, if we are careful with them, they can enjoy long happy and healthy lives.  

As shown throughout the DocSusan blog and website, Lev and Sage are my best friends, room-mates, editors, studio assistants, exercise coaches, and a whole lot more.  Most days, all is well with them. They know my quirks and I know theirs. But, as they’ve gotten older, I’ve become a little more cautious and concerned at the least sign of illness. Because of their size and age, I realize that things can happen very quickly, and signs and symptoms must be taken seriously and acted on without delay. On April 2nd 08, I posted a blog entry about this, Veterinary Emergencies. Three months later, I’m already reporting fresh developments…

From the end of May through June, Sage had had a strange sneeze. First it was every few days. Then it was a couple of times a day, and only coming from his left nostril. His eating and walking seemed normal, and he was sleeping well at night (not snoring, as others with congestion might). However, I was still anxious. Round one of trips to the vet led us to Children’s Benadryl.  Doctor Rachel Wolfson, a dedicated young vet at Rosedale Animal Hospital was very attentive.  As well as presribing this allergy medication, she also took bloodwork. We stayed in touch as Sage’s condition, despite clear bloodwork (and the Benadryl) didn’t seem to change. Doctor Cindy Kneebone at East York Animal Hospital added homeopathy to the mix, as well as giving Sage a head Xray, where nothing unusual was found. For three weeks after this, we carefully monitored developments. Then, finally, no improvement, and with more obvious discomfort shown by Sage—not being able to walk more than a few steps without sneezing—we sought specialist help.

Doctor Doug Mason at Toronto’s Veterinary Emergency Clinic gave us a same day appointment, and performed investigative surgery. After a Catscan and numerous other tests, an abscess (and related build-up) were removed from behind one of Sage’s teeth (which had to come out). A complete course of antibiotics and pain killers followed. Now, we are looking more closely at Sage’s entire mouth and gums, to determine if other teeth need to be extracted or not. Doctor Sharon French, a veterinary dental specialist who consults with Toronto Zoo (and is also at Toronto’s Veterinary Emergency Clinic) is now involved with Sage’s case, and has prescribed Maxiguard Oral Cleansing Gel.  So far, so good. We like her, and her approach!

Apparently, gum disease is not an uncommon problem with older small dogs, like Sage.  Unfortunately, undetected, it can be life-threatening.  I realize, because of the expediency and caring of a diverse group of of vets, and my constant vigilance and concern, Sage’s life has been saved.  I caution other pet owners not to overlook any of their pets’ symptoms, however fussy they may believe other people think they are. Our pets mean so much to us!

Unfortunately, veterinary interventions come at a price, and we are thankful to have pet insurance.  Pet Care is covering a chunk (but with limitations)!  Future blog articles will look at typical pet healthcare costs.  It is sad to know how many dogs are put to sleep, owners (understandably) unable to keep up with the price of treatment, or prepared to administer (complicated) medications.

p.s.  End of August update: Our claim through PetCare (all parts of it, including those not related to dental/mouth conditions) was denied.  There will be a lot more in future blog entries about this—a closer look at veterinary practice, procedures, and accountablity, as well as insurance company savvy.

Long solo drives (like Chicago-Toronto) require easy snacking and easy listening.  When there’s no one sitting next to you to pass treats, change a CD, or take over the driving, it’s important to know how to be self-reliant.  Experience has taught me to eat right and light.  Pringles’ small Grab and Go containers (2.8oz/80g) are about as easy a solution as possible for a quick tasty bite that doesn’t make the steering wheel sticky.  They’re also easy to get out of the pack—wedge between the legs and don’t crumb. The Sour Cream and Onion have just enough seasoning, without leaving a strong after-taste.  For entertainment, the Ipod works great—that is if you’ve programed a play-list.  No CDs to change or screen to look at. Just plug in and go!

Summertime in Canada, (particularly Ontario), at first glance, seems to divide the population into two:  those who have cottages and those who don’t.  Those who have cottages enjoy miles of private shorelines.  Those who don’t can find it hard to gain access to a lot of areas—no parking allowed without resident permit and scant public facilities.  Even when a beach is public, regulations can be prohibitive—with limited hours, no pets, parking and entry charges, and more. A  Sunday afternoon trip to West Kirby, last month, prompted me to think about summertime phenomena and marvel at the old-world charm and simplicity of the setting—few obvious restrictions and daytrip fun for all without fees or memberships.  Please look below to glimpse (on-going) pleasures of British yesteryear:  families, dogs, adult kids, fisherman, and sailors welcome.

Keep your eyes open—and camera handy—wherever you are, even close to home.  Nature will surprise, delight and astonish if you give her time and consideration.

Some things are easy to pass by. Others make us stop and pay attention:

• Tree stumps by a dried up river bed:  Connecticut, US, November 07

• Frost coated fallen apples:  Liverpool, UK, December 07

Earlier this week, I was excited to be part of a quartet that attended Dirty Dancing, at the Royal Alex Theatre in Toronto.  We took advantage of a mid-week special (four tickets for the price of three), making a spontaneous same-day purchase.  Sometimes, the best night’s entertainment happens when you don’t have long-term plans for it, but break routine.

Not only were the sets and costumes superb, but the cast was consistent and well-chosen.  This wasn’t the kind of show that had you wondering when the interval was going to happen. And beyond the actual performance, we were also struck by deeper story-lines, like that of a nuclear family with two adult-children.  

Siblings often have distinct personalities (and outcomes), and the daughters, Frances and Lisa, were excellent examples of this.  Sometimes, one child can be seen to do no wrong, and the other child, no right.  One has "higher goals" and she is misunderstood. The other ’s behavior is less commendable, but she’s more likely to get away with it (though not grow from her mistakes).  Also, parents often seem to forget their own pasts when making suppositions and demonstrating differential treatment.  Not knowing (or attempting to learn) all the facts, and making judgments for the wrong reasons can be problematic, unless non-family members have a chance to intervene.

Though much of the music was familiar, and there was a strong urge to want to go home and get dancing lessons, this staging of Dirty Dancing, it was clear, offered more than the immediately obvious.  Seeing the movie years ago, I’d been more focused on visual and auditory effects.  This time around (perhaps helped by the stellar performances of the leads) it was refreshing to be able to consider deeper messages and meanings. Lively afer-show discussion ensued!

Yet another accolade for Liverpool this month!  The Tate’s Klimt exhibit is a hit.  Last Monday, as an artist walking through, I became tearful in some places, identifying in different ways with practice, process, product, and response.  It was only on entering the gift store that I was disappointed.  A poster of the spectacular painting, "The Three Ages of Life," in my mind, had desecrated the original work.  It was up there for sale with only two stages of life—mother and child.  The old lady (old age) had been removed. 

As I start to make reproductions of my own artwork, I am extremely sensitive to what the artist might have thought about this crop.  A third of his vision had been removed without his consent or knowledge, and the greater meaning behind the piece damaged completely. Speaking to the manager of the gift store, I got an explanation.  It was all about commerce—financial returns.  She stressed how everyone cuts up Klimt, showing me images in a book of how fashion designers had made prints from excerpts of his work. This "nothing unusual" piece of merchandise (the two-thirds print) would sell better (allegedly have more mass market appeal) and bring income to the Tate.  It sounded like the message she was trying to give was that because the money would be coming back to the Tate (was not for "commercial benefit") that it was acceptable. As our conversation continued, the manager went on to tell me that postcards displaying the whole piece had already sold out, and there would be more later, once other images sold to make space again.

The postcard image that had sold out has been inserted at the start of this blog entry.  The two thirds image from the poster was also available at the store on a mini greeting card, and is inserted below.

 
The day after my visit to the Klimt exhibit (last Monday), the friends I’d been with there called to let me know that others were upset by the Klimt crop. The Guardian had just published a letter by a Maureen Everhsed which they’d headed "Age old problem."

I have been touched, today, by all the remarkable tributes to Tim Russert, NBC Bureau Chief and Moderator of Meet the Press.  Most Sunday mornings, his voice has been "background entertainment" while I’ve done household chores.  He was a fixture whom it was hard to imagine wouldn’t grace television news and debate well into old age. 

Tim’s sudden heart attack yesterday was yet another reminder to all of us that life is precious and we can’t have complete control, especially over its endings.  When someone as unique and admired as Tim is gone from our world in moments, without warning or preparation, we are stunned and ache.  From President Bush to regular viewers, everyone seems to have a reflection to offer, a deep fondness for this role model and outstandingly successful professional who remained a very down-to-earth family man and personal friend to so many.  My sincere condolences to all those dear to him.  He will be sorely missed.

At times like this, it’s hard not to think of more private individuals too, and their endings—those who haven’t enjoyed public success or recognition in their lives, those without family and friends who’ve supported and encouraged them. When their time comes, will it be recognized how their lives were meaningful or how much they could be missed?   How might things have played out differently for them, given a chance, voice, or simple luck?

It’s clear that we all leave our mark on the world in different ways, others’ impressions shaped by how we’re remembered or forgotten.  The following poem is dedicated to those who pass in greater silence and anonymity.  Maybe there was more to say about them, but there was no one to say it? Maybe their lives could have been happier and more fulfilled, but there was no one to spur them on? What might they have said if they could have written their own eulogies?  Perhaps this is one possibility?

AFTERWARDS

It was all up to me.

It’s like Liverpool hit the fast-forward button all of a sudden!  As somebody who hasn’t lived there for more than a quarter of century, its a lot easier for me to see this.  First came the Albert Dock complex, then the Capital of Culture, and now Liverpool One. 

Though there’s still hard hats, cranes, and construction everywhere, on a beautiful sunny day, this week, I was thrilled to see my hometown revived and bustling.

Please check out some of the posters inserted below that tell a little more about this new landmark.

Later, I will create a link to a page of images, showing Liverpool One’s construction in greater detail.  Best of all, go visit Liverpool.  You will be surprised, delighted, and entertained.  The shopping isn’t bad either…

When more carefully manicured cities, like Toronto, feel bereft of ambiance and energy in comparison, it’s clear something is working right in Liverpool.  The graphic design for its construction posters (inserted above), also helps with mood.  I couldn’t think of a city where the heart symbol fits better. You can say a lot else about Liverpudlians, but you can’t deny their friendliness, directness, humor, spirit and heart.  HeArTs off to them!  

Christopher Hart (no heart-typo) made this interesting comment in a Times Culture supplement after Paul McCartney’s recent Liverpool concert, "It’s a battered and bleeding heavyweight of a city, struggling to haul itsel off the canvas.  But it has an astonishing charisma—and I can still hear the sound of 35,000 voices ringing in my ears, singing about "times of trouble" and "all the lonely people" and "take a sad song and make it better."

A comment on the Liverpool 08 home page by Alexel Sayle states, "I’ve been all over the world looking for excitement, and it turns out that the most thrilling town I’ve ever visited is the one I was born in."  Right now, many non-resident Liverpudlians will find it hard not to agree!

With extended trips to Chicago in April and May, I have a growing list of recommendations for visitors. Even without much time to get out and about, because of "show schedules," I’ve been very impressed by what this city has to offer, and the well-known friendliness and kindness of locals.
 
You can’t have a bad meal, as the following easy-dining eateries demonstrated (in no particular order):

• Fulton’s On the River (fish)
• Ben Pau (Asian)
• Tizi Melloul (Mediterranean)
• The Brick House (fun)
• Shaw’s Crab House (fish)
• Lou Malnatis (pizza)
• McCormick & Schmick’s (fish)

And, for take-out, Fox and Obel (gourmet foods), close to Navy Pier, is hard to beat.

Spectacular architecture is everywhere. Don’t miss the legendary architectural boat tour that has the best views. You might even notice a city kayaker alongside.

Then, for a spot of exercise, check out the incredible East Bank Club (Oprah’s gym). A friend kindly invited me to a yoga class there.  The studio it was held in overlooked the river as the sun went down, making the experience all the more pleasurable.

And, for animal-lovers, missing pets or thinking of adoption, a visit to The Anti-Cruelty Society (157 Grand Avenue) is encouraging.  It occupies a whole city block and has a "transparency policy," domestic animals in-care viewable through all windows. 

Alternatively, a quick walk through Lincoln Park Zoo, in easy-reach of downtown, offers a more exotic break.

Nature and entertainment aren’t forgotten outside of parks, either—even on ("Magnificent") Michigan Ave.  Check out the Saturday afternoon street-performers. And then there’s all those shops…

But, if you are in town for "business," like I was, there’s other priorities, and staying at the Holiday Inn Merchandise Mart Plaza helped—consistently a comfortable, caring, and convenient environment.

Though I haven’t tried it yet, a Segway Tour is on my list of "must-dos" for next time.  I’d also like an evening out on Rush, which seems like a lot of fun…

With all Chicago’s summer festivals, as well as museums, galleries, parks, and lakefront, I really look forward to more visits to this super-friendly city, that’s clearly a shining example to others in so many ways.

Many tourists seem to be impressed with Toronto’s cleanliness. However, unfortunately, its warmth, joie de vivre, welcome, and energy aren’t quite as remarkable.  Locals point out obstacles too, like in Peter Kultenbrouwer’s May 10, 08 National Post article about Yonge-Dundas Square, "A public square that isn’t public."

"That’s nice!", "Well done!"  "Good for you!" "Great job!" "Keep up the good work!" Kudos is always appreciated, with a little encouragement going a long way.  However, it’s not always forthcoming—especially at times when needed most, and from those we’d like to have issue it.  And then there’s that magical two-word phrase, frequently forgotten, "Thank you!"  

Whether you’ve cooked for dinner guests, made matches between acquaintances, or looked after a friend’s cat, it’s always nice to be acknowledged and appreciated.  But, the more you give out, too often, the less this happens.  Feeling overlooked and taken for granted, continually, can take its toll—make us behave in ways we might not instinctively.  Enter the era of the "cautious" and "jaded."  Sadly, the notion of "once bitten, twice shy", can ring louder than ever.  

Self-absorption, becoming a predominant character trait in western society, today, it’s not surprising that "Please" is missing from many people’s requests.  And, without a "Please," it’s unlikely there’ll be a "Thank you."  Positive change happens one person at a time—personal displays of good manners and respect helping more than might be realized.  Seeing how giving the gift of a "Please," Thank you," or "Well done" can boost someone else’s spirits, can be a great first step in feeling better about yourself too!

Sometimes, a charter is the only way to go, like it or not. Flying during the Christmas rush (unless we have a choice not to) might not be a good idea, as this poem tells…  

The Charter Flight

Screaming, screaming kids
Anxious chatter
Little air
Heavy care

Or, under stress
Easier to expect less.

In case you’re wondering which airline this poem was written on, it was Air Transat.

At the end of December (07), I was on a another transatlantic flight.  I’d just visited a family member who was sick and ended up sitting next to someone who was returning from her mother’s funeral. Personal experience with funeral trips, as well as long-distance illness concerns, compelled me to pull out my notebook and record these poetic reflections.

Planes

Planes are for vacations
celebrations

Planes are for all kinds of reasons
Of life, reveal the many seasons.

In 2007, I seemed to take a number of plane flights back to back.  Flying Toronto - Munich, in November, I put pen to paper, and wrote this poem.  It’s always interesting to have a little notebook in bag when traveling, all kinds of interesting reflections to record…

 

It was great to be back in Boston last weekend, albeit just for an overnight visit.  This city stirs so much positive energy for me.  Good friends and an environment that’s quaint, cultured, and progressive seems to entice locals as well as travelers.  Spring blossoms and time with special friends, of course, were bonuses!  

The last time I was in Boston was Labor Day weekend, and much has changed since then.  Soon-to-be landmarks are now open—or almost:

• The Liberty Hotel, on Charles Street, with its bars and restaurants.

Check out the unique refurbished jail cells, with "light shows."  Then, go downstairs for a meal at Scampo. The food is well-prepared and presented. It’s just the acoustics that need a little work.  You may lose your voice tying to have a conversation with dining companions!

• The Mandarin Hotel, on Boylston Street

• The New Apple Store, on Boylston Street scheduled to open today (May 14, 08).

Although I (like many others) have found the Macbook Air to have a few unexpected kinks, I am still a big fan of everything Apple, and this is a super location.

Saturday lunch was at Stephanie’s. But, unfortunately memories were better than actualities.  Somewhat disorganized and dirty, and not quite as delicious, I wondered what was happening there. Sunday breakfast was at the Panficio Cafe. Clean, efficient, and very delicious, this is definitely a must-try.

Boston has something for everyone, and it certainly loves its parades.  I came across two of them, by chance.  On Saturday, "Youth Pride" on Boston Common.  On Sunday, "Duckling Day Parade," along Charles Street and on to Boston Public Garden.

A quick Google search to find other artists’ impressions of Toronto Art Expo (08) led me to the Artists Toronto blog.  After agreeing with some of the commentaries posted there about the event, I thought I’d look into membership.  Sharon Barr welcomed my "application."  What happened next was curious.  10 days later, she sent me a friendly-solicitation for ideas to help grow their site.  Suggestions wanted included the donation of e-mail lists and industry connections as well as initiative to devise a group show.  26 days later, I received an anonymous  "jury" rejection from a personal e-mail address that had the name "Jones" in it. A quick Facebook search enabled me to deduce that It was Stan Jones who’d provided the "glad tidings." It simply stated:  "It is the consensus of our committee that the images you have submitted for approval do not meet the subjective objectives of our committee."  I wasn’t sure what that actually meant, or what they could really be looking for.  All I was aware of were inconsistencies.  Note the time line for communications.  Application, solicitation, rejection.  Also note that they don’t have a 2-week application response turn-around, as posted.  One would expect elitism/run-arounds in the wider art world, but not from a parochial group that touts itself, in correspondence, as a "viable grassroots undertaking." By the way, you’ll find the Artists Toronto blog piece about Toronto Art Expo under the header "The Big Spring Art Shows."  The date given for it, right now, is March 8, 2009.  Of course, we know it must be 2008—and will likely be corrected, eventually.

p.s. Since posting this blog entry, I have received clarification from Mr. Jones about the AT "committee."  Apparently, it has five members (including him).  He states, "’Subjective objectives’ reflect the consensus of our jury in what we feel is a degree of artistic merit that we’re collectively comfortable with.  But it is only our opinion."  Unfortunately, still no explanation of the application, solicitation, rejection procedure.  Only a remark about  familiarity with "entrepreneurial drive."  If they do really intend their site to be "the main connection between Toronto artists and the art loving community" (as announced on their home page), they’ve demonstrated an interesting modus operandi with a target audience.
Perhaps it’s personal artist-artist-friendly experiences in the US, Europe, and beyond that make me all the more sensitive to Toronto artists’ (unnecessary) obstacles.

Children enjoy my artwork, at The Artist’s Project, too—strollers being rolled up to low hanging pieces, like Majesty and Flirt, the Giraffes.

Men really seemed to like my painting, Passion.  One man was happy to pose  for photos.  He just happened to be wearing a shirt that color-coordinated.  Pink-obsessed little girls were also drawn to this piece.

All thoughts (for me) lead back to Kilimanjaro at some point.  Once you’ve completed this ascent, it’s hard to forget it.  I was thrilled to have a friend tell me about the OLN screening of the IMAX movie, To the Roof of Africa, March 16, 08.  Two things struck me about this movie, in particular.  Firstly, what wonderful weather conditions the group seemed to have!  (The struggle my own group had experienced against the elements was incomparable.)  Secondly, how right the guide, Jacob, was with his remark that Kilimanjaro is a place where ordinary people do extraordinary things—leave their everyday lives to stand in a place between heaven and earth.  Since every climb is unique (conditions, obviously, do vary) it’s important to be properly prepared:  tealize that the movie may make things look a little simpler than they might actually be for most, physically and emotionally. 

In North America, 24/7 schedules make it hard for us to keep up with ourselves.  Every day of the week is the same and work hours seem to have no beginning or end.  We have to be "on" all the time—with a Blackberry or cell, even while walking the dog or at the grocery store.  We think we’re saving ourselves time—trying to create more space for leisure—but are we really?  There’s always something else to do and another qualification to have.  It’s not just knowing how to do what we do, it’s knowing how to present and sell it.  And for that, you probably need writing or computer skills (that might have nothing to do with the job in hand) as well as a factory connection in China. Slowing down and switching off aren’t usually an option if you want to get ahead.  No time for bed!  Then there’s the relationship you don’t have, which frees up more time for work and disables you further from having any personal life at all.  Then there’s the diet you can’t stick with because convenience food is convenient.  Also, if you’re in the middle of a home renovation, you probably won’t have your kitchen fixed, properly, for at least another year.  Whatever can go wrong offers new challenges—takes time beyond the 24/7 that you don’t have in the first place. There once was a movie about working 9 - 5.  Can you believe it?!

April 1, 2008, I switched on the The View half-way through a "Hot Topic" discussion.  It appeared to acknowledge dismay among 45s to 50s who haven’t accomplished what they’ve hoped to.  Factors that don’t make them feel any better were described as including lack of community and so many people being alone (especially women).  

Being so intensely engaged in my "Animal Magic" painting project (just switching on the television for "background"), I was aware I’d postponed posting blog entries that have been in the works for a while. This episode of The View prompted me to want to add to the discussion.  Relationship (or lack of relationship) disappointments, misperceptions, and day-to-day struggles are common to us all, which is why I believe it’s good share them. 

This blog entry’s "warm topic" draws attention to why some singles might ellicit more sympathy than others, and how perceptions might help shape realities…

Definitions:
1. The "Single Because" is single again.
2. The "Just Single" has always been single.
3. The "(Im)Perfectly Single" doesn’t like to be defined…

Some candid and common assumptions about each type:

The "Single Because" can prompt perceptions that include:
1.  Did succeed at one time
2.  Has been proven worthy
3.  Has had something to offer (and can again)
4.  Has suffered a "loss" that should be remedied (replaced)
5.  Needs help because of a changed situation
6.  Will benefit from being in relationship

The "Just Single" can prompt perceptions that include:
1.  Hasn’t tried hard enough
2.  Isn’t worthy of more
3.  Doesn’t offer enough
4.  Has no "special needs"
5.  Is not a priority
6.  Could be "difficult" in a relationship

The "Single Because" is widowed, divorced, or separated.  Both the "Just Single" and the "Single Because" might be single parents. The "(Im)Perfectly Single" might have "options," but still keeps on looking for that "impossibly-perfect other"—even if less than perfect, personally.  Perhaps that’s why the description, "Player," is easily substituted.  A "Player" is often charming, generous, good-looking, and smart.  But there’s usually a flip side:  self-absorbed, inconsiderate, insensitive, and cowardly, too.  Instead of focusing on, and trying to stick to one (really liked) other, this person can’t commit:  either "fades away" or ends things abruptly, a million excuses as to why things cannot work.

Those who seem to ellicit most sympathy, socially, are widowed or single parents.  The genuine distress their situations frequently cause can’t be denied.  But, some do know how to take advantage of circumstances—get extra help and attention that might not have come their way otherwise…

No matter one’s single status, a recent book, by Pari Livermore might be enouraging to those seriously searching, especially if female.  Called How to Marry a Fabulous Man, its Today Show featu