With my constantly changing routines and busy travel schedule, I usually find it hard to commit to extra-curricula classes.  Also, I am not a "gym person".  But, this past week, a neighborhood offering met my needs and interests admirably.  Roots’ flagship store in Rosedale has free one-class passes for their yoga studio.  Stimulated by the first class, I decided to take advantage of a "summer special"—unlimited classes for a week for $20. Though classes are reduced in number for the season, there were enough to meet my needs, and four out of five were enjoyable—especially the pilates. The studio is low-key, no mirrors or fancy accessories, and appears to have a regular clientele (all female).  Positioned at the back of the building (away from Yonge Street) the view of tree-tops through the window is well-planned and soothing.  And, eventually, you stop noticing the rattles of the subway line down below.  Definitely a positive experience!

 

Little wonder there needs to be public service announcements advising against drinking and driving (while operating water vehicles).  The LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario) occupies prime real estate in popular lakeside locations.  In Killarney and Port Carling, their properties are waterfront.  Look at Port Carling’s pick-up dock (in the photo posted above).  On a recent road trip through Northern Ontario, no matter the basics communities seemed to lack, government liquor stores appeared prominent and dominant.  Maclean’s Canada Day double issue, with a feature offering the "startling facts" about Canadians vs Americans" gave interesting statistcs. Apparently, 27% of Canadians conusme alcholhoic drinks "at least ‘a few times a week’" compared to 19% of Americans.  Also, 1.3% of Canadians’ household expenditure goes on alcohol compared to 1% of Americans’.

Summertime in Canada, (particularly Ontario), at first glance, seems to divide the population into two:  those who have cottages and those who don’t.  Those who have cottages enjoy miles of private shorelines.  Those who don’t can find it hard to gain access to a lot of areas—no parking allowed without resident permit and scant public facilities.  Even when a beach is public, regulations can be prohibitive—with limited hours, no pets, parking and entry charges, and more. A  Sunday afternoon trip to West Kirby, last month, prompted me to think about summertime phenomena and marvel at the old-world charm and simplicity of the setting—few obvious restrictions and daytrip fun for all without fees or memberships.  Please look below to glimpse (on-going) pleasures of British yesteryear:  families, dogs, adult kids, fisherman, and sailors welcome.

 

 

All thoughts (for me) lead back to Kilimanjaro at some point.  Once you’ve completed this ascent, it’s hard to forget it.  I was thrilled to have a friend tell me about the OLN screening of the IMAX movie, To the Roof of Africa, March 16, 08.  Two things struck me about this movie, in particular.  Firstly, what wonderful weather conditions the group seemed to have!  (The struggle my own group had experienced against the elements was incomparable.)  Secondly, how right the guide, Jacob, was with his remark that Kilimanjaro is a place where ordinary people do extraordinary things—leave their everyday lives to stand in a place between heaven and earth.  Since every climb is unique (conditions, obviously, do vary) it’s important to be properly prepared:  tealize that the movie may make things look a little simpler than they might actually be for most, physically and emotionally. 

CONFIDENCE

Confidence is driven by others
Not just ourselves

We know, ourselves, what we do, feel, think
What’s right, wrong, uncomfortable, or easy

Others affirm, deny, encourage, avoid
Enable and disable

Contribute to who we are and can be

It’s who surrounds us
And who doesn’t

It’s what they say
And what they don’t

How they respond
Or not

No matter our strengths and weaknesses
Failures and successes
Feedback and allegiance matter
 
Others indicate the worthwhile, and the not so
Include and exclude
 
What we’re left with is up to us.

I’m thrilled to be contacted by those who enjoy my poetry. Earlier this month, Susan Kusel, of the Wizards Wireless Blog, wrote to ask permission to include excerpts from my Kilimanjaro series on her "Poetry Friday." Her brother, Russ, was due to climb Kilimanjaro, and she wanted to provide him with inspiration. How wonderful! Last week, after Russ returned from his successful ascent, Susan posted her own poem to honor his journey. Comments back to both blog posts, by readers, and Russ, himself, were, affirming, touching, and thought-provoking. Siblinghood at its best!

Even relationships assumed to be "on" might be "off."  Apparently 20 million American couples are in low- or no-sex relationships.  January 28th’s View featured Bob Berkowitz discussing his (and his wife’s [Susan Yager-Berkowiz]) recent headline-attracting book, He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore. Why Men Stop Having Sex, and What You Can Do About It.

This topical text draws attention to a number of interesting questions about where men’s disinterest comes from, including:
1.  Is it physical, emotional, psychological, or simple partner-boredom?
2.  Is it an anger-response about other aspects of a (failing) relationship, or symptomatic of depression?
3.  Is it due to too-easily accessible porn (some men becoming unable to be turned on without it)?
4.  Is it an outcome of "natural causes"?

How sexless men’s partners might feel is also considered.  Are they dejected, relieved, guilty or suspicious (of infidelity, asexuality or homosexuality)?

Whether there’s sex in a relationship or not, many still prefer being seen to be part of a "two" than "unchosen"/solo.  Long-term solos (by chance or choice) have their own "going-sexless" challenges—and (usually) fewer viable alternatives, as well as less public empathy.

Even if a partnership is sexless, it might still be supportive and status-affirming. This was demonstrated to me recently, at lunch with a colleague.  She announced, "Going to be 50 this summer, and I’ve more self-confidence and daring than ever—must come from being married with kids…"  "How do you think those without marriage and kids might feel, the same "big birthday" coming up," I asked. "What keeps them going?"  Quiet and visibly uncomfortable, she couldn’t imagine or relate, and changed the subject.

 

(Photo:  those who made it to the top of Kilimanjaro, with self and guide) 

Even though my Kilimanjaro climb is less recent, certain lessons from it are memorable.  These include:

1.   Better sustain the cold
2.   Bathe less extravagantly
3.   Economize on clothes and possessions
4.   Stop clock-watching
5.   Take things more slowly
6.   Observe and listen
7.   Not fuss about comfort and convenience
8.   Require less sleep
9.   Sleep in uncomfortable conditions
10. Eat more simply and be less picky
11. Not need news from elsewhere
12. Take time out from electronics (TV, Internet, cell, etc.)
13. Push self further and harder, and not complain or avoid
14. Get less flustered about externals/what can’t be changed
15. Focus, no distraction, whereever and whenever
16. Chat with strangers and hear their stories
17. Open up to seizing the moment
18. Get back to basics (with everything!)
19. Assess what really matters
20. Be more fearless

Just like New Year’s resolutions, lessons learned on the trail can be hard to follow long-term, especially when there’s so many of them (and potential obstacles).  Though everyday hastles aren’t exactly the same as chance-in-a-lifetime climbing challenges, circumstances and reactions mightn’t be too different!

 
The two poems that follow look at transitioning back to reality—our own world of others and the Tanzanian roadscape that we found ourselves traveling through (Kilimanjaro, behind and above the clouds and the meaning it may imbue, personally and locally).

8.  Explaining to Others

Explaining to others
Is hard to do

The pain, the gain
The fight, the plight

The keeping going
The inner knowing

The turning of day into night
And night into day

Snow, ice, wind
Burned our faces
Wounds as traces

We know we were there
Our bodies too

But, pinch me now
To put into words
That others can understand

Peek experiences
Intended to be shared

Special moments are private
But things done together
No matter the weather
Give other rewards

A chance of a lifetime experience
Something to hold dear
Especially when others with you have been near.

9.  On the Road

Dust and dirt
Fumes and noise

Back to a reality of sorts

The adventure continues

Skinny goats and cows
Bones protruding

Roadside huts and store fronts
Locals milling
Even for a shilling

Coca Cola clearly the drink of choice
Celtel the monopoly for text and voice

The two biggest advertisers influence
But, where’s the opulence?

You decide

Rich dyes and prints
Each unique
Make wonderful clothes

Women with basket trays of bananas on head
Make a colorful scene
As do their children
School uniforms pristine

About the rest
It’s hard to know yet

Smiles on faces
Police checkpoints enforced

An order amid chaos
Slowly, slowly—pole, pole

Donkeys travel the same road as cars
But many locals walking and talking
Active and out there

Not the most progressive place in the world
But, does that matter?

Western eyes quick to judge
Western minds quick to nudge

Leave these people be
If they’re in harmony

The vibrancy of the plants say it all
Potted for purchase on the curbside
Jacarandas high above
A haze of blue and mauve

Bougainvillea
Dashes of pink
Makes you think.

 
The following two poems look at impact:  after-climb thoughts and reflections.

6.  Day 8—After Climb

Up there
Down here

Down here
Up there

Losing the fear

What once seemed difficult
Might not longer be

What once was out of reach
Attainable in reality

2 days on
The climb is but a dream

2 days on
Thoughts of home flow in

The wanting to stay in this space
Not that

The wanting more time away
Just to play

The wanting to shift
From an environment that doesn’t gel
Where the air is stale
And people pale

The wanting to be in the now, not just today
Feel alive in every way

Vital, intense, passionate, active
The Kili climb reminded me…

Who I was and how I can be.

7.  Day 8—Camaraderie

With some you can
And others you can’t

With some you will
And others you won’t

There’s no knowing who, where, what, when
Except by how you feel
And what you’re enabled to do

The right group
At the right time
In the right moment

Being confident of others around
Made everything feel sound

Knowing we were on the same team
Made hurdles a dream

Familiar and not
About each other we learned a lot

But, oh so much more to know

Seeds of friendship to grow
Or, just right for the circumstance

A special connection, no matter what
A great beginning
Kindred spirits as they are
Not fancied up in a jar

Bonds that’ll mature
Or, bonds that’ll slow?

Magic and mystery surround
Coincidence and luck abound

Staying open is what counts

Continuing onward, upward, forward
No markings on the trail ahead
Spontaneity instead.

 
The first of the next two poems describes approaching the final ascent.  The second records having made it to the top.

4.  Day 5

Nearly there
In the world without a care
Except getting there

What an accomplishment to make it
Real and raw
No way to fake it

What a dream to be above the clouds
See the winding paths we have traveled

Step by step
Minute by minute
Ache by ache
We’re closer to our goal

This time tomorrow
Pole by pole
To the top of Kili we’ll stroll

Winded, worn, and wary
There’ll be nothing scary

What a climb
What a rhyme
Just in time

To complete something others don’t dare to try
Cautiously
Carefully
And with a sigh

What an opportunity
A privilege
A gift

From doing nothing else there can be such a lift

In the moment
Or telling what was
No need for any because

And, what comes next
Who knows?

Applying lessons learned along the Machame Way
To a very different N. American every day.

5.  Day 6, Kili Ascent:  Success

Strong in body
Strong in mind

Strong in mind
Strong in body

To do things out of the ordinary
In ways that are extraordinary

To watch others trying them too

Those who can
Those who can’t

Those who could
Those who would

Those who did.

 
The two poems that follow here are mid-climb, on a long Day 4.

2.  Kilimanjaro, Day 4/1

Equal when challenged
Challenged when equal

The day is long
The body becomes strong

And so too the mind

Others’ responses you can’t always gage
Except with Kilimanjaro as stage

Those who like to talk
And those who don’t

Those who give signals in other ways
A posture, a glance, a shrug
Even a little tug

Camaraderie versus competition
Encouragement versus criticism
Affection versus rejection

A group spirit endures
To everyone, a round of applause.

3.  Kilimanjaro, Day 4/2

Candy wrappers show the way
Who would have thought?
Toilet paper marks the spot
Who would have known?
Cell phone signals around most bends
Who would have guessed?

All true—no jest

Then there’s nature…

Volcanic scree
Treacle scented flowers
Cactus palms that look like people
Caves and rocks
Clouds moving in and out
And through the mist, a burst of blue
The bluest blue you’ve ever seen
In reality, or on screen

A movie this climb is not
It’s so much more

Altitude sickness
Drug reactions
Freezing cold
And outdoor toilets
Offer experiences never had before

The challenge
The fear
The relief
The satisfaction

Each has its place and time

Nearly there
Nearly there
Pole, pole
Slowly, slowly

The final ascent is but 24 hours away
Oh what a day—though it’ll be night through early morn’

Each trail we’ve taken to get to this point
Has tested every joint

The long, the short, the in between

And now the even longer
For the even stronger

The will is there
And so is the way

Pole, pole
Slowly, slowly
The best plan
Woman or man

Contrary to the N. American way
Something to remember
A take-home gift with which to play.

 

Climbing Kilimanjaro was truly a life-changing experience—one I’ve been savoring almost daily since returning.  Some of the details are fading and the final hours of the ascent are a little sketchy.  Only talking with those who were there with me helps, and explaining to others properly is difficult sometimes.  However, from Day 3 of the climb, my wordscapes (poetic ramblings) started up, and I’m very glad to have them to look back at now.  These are where I record details and  feelings in the moment (or shortly afterwards). Even those who weren’t with us on the climb, I’ve found, have the opportunity to get a better sense of what transpired by giving this poetic journal a quick look.   

All poems will be entered chronologically.  The first Kilimanjaro poem is included below, and eight more will be divided between the next four blog posts.

1.  Kilimanjaro, Day 3

No I can’t
Yes I can

No I won’t
Yes I will

Climbing the mountain
Or going to the bathroom
Hesitation
Then elation

Every sensation counts
Tension mounts

Nothing to worry about
Except getting there

About the rest of life
Not a care

The body is what matters
All its pitter-patters

From drug reactions
Tingles and jingles
To rumblings and mumblings

Food and drink
Give us a lot to talk about
As do other folk along for the climb

The mood is high
Pain we want to deny

The humor is good
Most jokes understood

Personalities emerge
Memories surge

Our reality is the now we are in

Nights are cold
Sleep interrupted

Dreams in pieces
Time to think or not

Just the packing
Unpacking
Sorting
And rearranging
Gives us enough to do

Onward and up
We hope to go
Nausea, headaches and all
A thought to appall

The mind is willing
Challenged
The body too

Can we, will we?
Yes please!
Thrill me.

I’ve developed an interesting (and practical) habit of being in one place but posting blog entries about another.  When my paintings shipped to Florence at the end of October, in preparation for the December Florence Biennale, I shipped myself to Africa (Tanzania).

It was a long-time special dream to be able to climb Kilimanjaro, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I, or the the mountain, would have to realize it.  What perfect timing to get out of the mind and into the body!  After 10 months of uninterrupted painting and related duties, I was ready for a different type of physical challenge—something I didn’t know would test my mental and emotional strength too.  

If you look back to my blog entries for the end of October, 07, you’ll notice the one from the 24th is entitled Endurance, and the one from the 28th is entitled Stamina.  Ironic!  On reflection, I’m clear that my best training for climbing Kilimanjaro might have been painting for the Florence Biennale! Please check out my Candid Artist Ramblings list, posted on my birthday/rebirth (October 19), the day I set out for Africa.  My sudden and acute awareness of transferable skills and attitudes has been eye-opening and educational since.  

I wasn’t the fittest person in the group, I also hadn’t done enough (almost any) training.  So, how did I make it to the top (be in the 50% who do, and the only woman among peers)?  I think three factors helped:  

1. I had the proper clothing (and wore it)—really took time to organize packing and followed all formal instructions from guidebooks and informal instructions from travellers who’d succeeded previously.

2. I didn’t try to be clever or take chances in any way—used poles, ate and hydrated well, listened to the guides in going "pole, pole" (slowly, slowly), and took the necessary meds.  Thank you Diamox (altitude sickness inhibitor)!  Even though this drug made my hands and feet tingle relentlessly, it was a very good friend and support.  

3.  I didn’t go on the climb with the idea that I had to make it all the way.  I was aware that I might not have the capacity to do so, and could forgive myself weaknesses.  Competition was not what this journey was about for me.  It was more of a spiritual quest about being there and experiencing whatever was meant to be—and accepting it, while still fit and young enough to get myself over there.  

The lead-up days to the final ascent were a honeymoon of sorts.  The final ascent was a whole different story—nothing similar—the most challenging physical endeavor I have ever faced (and no one had informed me about properly).  What kept me going on the final ascent?  Three gifts:

1. The camaraderie of those with whom I was climbing and our attentive guides.  

2. The not knowing what was coming next and not having been prepared for the worst—being in a situation I could do nothing about and just getting on with it.

3.  The not-giving up factor, once I was so close, and because there was no real reason to.  How could I go down (in still bad weather conditions) if I hadn’t made it up?  We’d been climbing for six days and, at the 11th hour, I couldn’t justify turning back. It was the same way down if you made it up or not,  and I couldn’t find a good enough reason to turn around.  Not thinking about what I was actually doing or the discomfort of continuing also helped.  Automatic movements and focusing on other thoughts—and struggles—became a lot more meaningful and empowering. I acknowledged that I never really give up, no matter how awful the task is, making the climb a metaphor for so much more.

For the last hour I wept my way up, partly out of pain, partly out of emotion—maybe more out of emotion. I couldn’t turn off my tears or howls. The tears froze and the howls got absorbed by the wind.  The feelings were intensely private.  But, as discussed later with climbing peers, appropriately universal.  These guys had had their own emotional releases too!  Reaching the top, we all embraced.  It was a magical moment in a glacial wonderland where we were too cold and tired to take photos or stick around.

On October 29, 07, back in Moshi, I was able to check e-mail, and saw that a friend had forwarded a New York Times Sunday Magazine feature article by Tom Bissell about his own Kilimanjaro climb, "Up the Mountain Slowly, Very Slowly." It had been published the day before, on October 28, 07.  What a coincidence!  And, even more interesting, Bissell had been based in Rome, pre-trip—unable to fully-prepare himself, either…

Tennis round robins tell us more about participants’ personalities than I’d imagined they could.  As you’ll gather from my May 22nd, 07 blog entry, I’m not a terribly serious tennis player, but I do enjoy the activity.  And, in order to get a somewhat regular game, I’ve been attending bi-weekly round-robin socials. Now, while I’ll put my all into what I’m doing at the time, I don’t always have to win. Others, however, do, and let strangers know it in the clearest of ways. 

For "social round robins," you’re randomly coupled and players aren’t always  the same level—which isn’t  supposed to matter. They’re billed as fun events at the end of a long week, not serious matches.  But, not everyone would agree.  Certain partners send grimaces and give huge sighs, while others praise even the most lousy strokes and misses, suggesting "nice tries" when they’re not. 

You certainly get a sense of who’s a "good sport"—who has a positive attitude and who might be difficult or moody (off the court as well as on).  Game after game, over the last few weeks, I’ve found this a very interesting getting-to-know-you experience, while improving my play—hopefully, in every aspect.

By the way, remember my retro tennis shoes.  Well, after a few spins on the court, they finally disintegrated.  So, an exhaustive search for comfort and value led me to a new pair of Nikes.  Not only do they work for narrow feet, but I like their plain white no-frills look. 

 

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been able to take any time to play tennis.  Finally, for this summer, I joined a local city club, Sir Winston Churchill.  I found it offers very reasonable rates for membership and lessons—no fancy club house or exorbitant initiation fee for imagined access to the "right people" and "fine dining."  Also, more important, old gear isn’t a problem.  Nobody notices, or so I thought. Then, right away, the tennis pro teacher did. In his early 20s, he was drawn to my shoes:  "Wow!" he said.  "They’re so cool!"  "What do you mean?" I asked.  "Well they’re really ‘retro,’ and I’ve never seen anything like them…"  I was astonished—made to feel very old (I’d had them for about 15 years). 

Looking down, I wondered what made my Prince tennis shoes appear so yesteryear, and couldn’t figure it out.  Maybe you’ll take a look and let me know…

Understanding Your Sleep Needs

The power of sleep can’t be underestimated.  But, keep in mind, some of us need more of it than others.  Also, some of us function better at different times of the day.  There are "morning people" and "night owls," as well as schedules that aren’t always comfortable .

There’s nothing like being able to live in rhythm with—and respect—your sleep clock if you can.  

Recognizing if You’re a Morning Person or Night Owl

I am most definitely a morning person, and can get more done between 5 and 10 am than any other time of the day.  After 5 pm, it’s a lot more difficult.  The things that I struggle to complete at night, I might as well have not attempted.  When I take a fresh look at them in the morning, I realize I can complete them much more quickly and easily.  Sometimes I’m more able to do physical tasks at night, but not anything that requires thinking power.

Others might have an opposite experience, and I appreciate that.

Getting a Good Night’s Sleep

We all have different ways for getting a good night’s sleep, and some of them can be seen as "finicky" by those who say they can "sleep on a clothes line."

I put these strategies high on my list:

1.  A room that’s as dark and silent as possible

2.  Bedding that’s comfortable and cozy, that covers you properly, and isn’t too light or heavy

3.  A clock that’s visible and shows the time, for any awake moments that have you wondering the hour (without having to get out of bed) then being able to fall right back to sleep

4.  Not having eaten just before going to bed

5.  Being organized for the next day before going to bed

6.  No late-night in-bed phone calls that might send you to sleep while chatting or be upsetting

7.  Turning the television or radio off (or other interruptions), and not falling asleep to them

8.   Sufficient good food, exercise, and emotional support

9.  A sense of hope or gratitude about something—anything

10. Congenial bed company—like poodle pals, Lev and Sage—who know when to snuggle up and/or give space

Others might have different strategies.  Whatever works!

Re. Sleep Aids

While sleeping pills, sedatives, and alchol help many people temporarily, sometimes they can make things harder in the long-run.  Dependencies/addictions can start quite innocently.  Just like with diet pills and food restrictions, it’s important to try to find other ways to overcome difficulties, even if they might seem harder at first.

Others might believe differently.  They have the right to do so, so long as they’re not endangering anyone else.