Long Distance Relationships are more common than ever today, Internet dating being a norm rather than exception. But, meeting someone on-line (in town, or out of it) demands additional care and caution, while being careful not to obliterate spontaneity, romance, and excitement.

LDRs necessitate extra skills, resources (emotional and financial), and commitment. They can also push connections to new places prematurely, but unavoidably.  Later, things, usually, calm down and routines form.

Additional and unfamiliar efforts can be taxing, but also fun. Thinking of the "destination," as well as the "journey," enhances purpose—"happy endings" making everything worthwhile.  If you’ve not risked, you might not have tried.  Lost dreams can get reinvented, and what hasn’t happened locally may elsewhere.

Both parties need to work hard in their own unique, as well as more expected, ways to help keep things afloat—have the other person trust, feel secure, excited, and adored—consistently.  This helps build confidence in, as well as beyond, the relationship. Communication and equal effort are key, but without behaviors that are obsessive, compulsive, or unreasonable (or that can be perceived as such) especially if individuals don’t know each other well, initially.

It might seem like the fast-forward button has been hit.  But, sometimes, that’s the only way.  Better to find out sooner than later if there’s "quirks in the works."  Who calls, who doesn’t, who writes, who doesn’t, all become significant in one way or another:  show degree of interest/caring, potential for sacrifice, and willingness to make trade-offs, until routines fall into place.  

How much is shared and how much is allowed to remain a mystery also effect outcome. Planning (short and long-range), and a willingness to do so together, is important.  Looking forward to the next face-to-face encounter matters, and preparing for that, as well as time apart.  Rigidity may need to yield to out-of-the-ordinary behaviors, especially since life can be short.  And, of course, there’s little space for "shy."

Travel to the other’s space if you can.  Get their perspective on the world, not just your own.  Many people like their personal "safe places" and prefer not to explore another’s.  But, it’s all part of the getting-to-know you process.  Taking chances, not prejudging, and visits in both directions.

Not everyone is up for doing things "out of the box."  But, those who can, may find the rewards worth it.  What’s a better alternative? To sit home alone, no special other to focus on?  Long-distance doesn’t last forever.  Ultimately, things work out or they don’t. Somebody moves, and/or somebody doesn’t.  Long distance provides opportunities that in-town ho-hum might not. It involves risk and chance and a stretching of the imagination, as well as a loss of control and certainty.

Long-distance can have advantages that at-home relationships don’t. There’s more time and ways to talk, question, and check-in.  It can also record a story.  Words, thoughts, and feelings get a chance to be aired and translated from afar, as well as face-to-face.  Most important, the essential transition from "me-" to "we-" thinking gets activated early, if things are healthy.  Reciprocity shines!  Though individuals may bask in separate worlds, they also recognize the power and glow that opportunities to "give and take," with someone else, can prompt.  

As Aimee Mann sings, "One is the loneliest number." But, never get into a relationship just for the sake of it…  Go for gain, not pain!

THIS BLOG’S EARLIER RELATIONSHIP-RELATED POSTS INCLUDE:

• R-E-S-P-E-C-T  Respect Revisited (May 7, 2009)
• Strategies to Help Minimize "UID," or Under-Identification Discomfort: Surviving Solo on Family Day in Ontairo (February 16, 2009)
• Second-Hand Stress:  Breaking-Up and Making-Up, "Frienemies," and Used-to-be-Friend" Types (November 16, 2008)
• Reliability, Vulnerabllity, Fear (October 8, 2008)
• GUILT(Y) Verdict for OJ Simpson, and/or Others… (October 7, 2008)
• Mixed Messages and Contradictions (September 29, 2008)
• Relationships that Work, No Communication-Glitches:  Mazal Tov to Ellen and Portia on Their August 16, 08 Wedding (August 29, 2008)
• Airport News Stands: Jennifer Aniston, "Straggler Single":  Uncommon Attention, Common Problems. (Poetry about ating and Related Blog Entry Links Included) (August 22, 2008)
• PLAY NICE—Near and Far! (John Edwards too…) (August 13, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• Single Because, Just Single, or (Im)Perfectly Single: Unscientific Findings (April 13, 2008)
• In Anticipation of VALENTINE’S DAY, Singles Included (February 13, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (February 1, 2008)
• RELATIONSHIP “Uppers” and “Downers” (January 29, 2008)
• Dating Games and Disappointments, On- and Off-Line: Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker Helps Identify Obstacles to Relationship-Making (January 25, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• SINGLES Who Don’t Want to STAY SINGLE and "SINGLES’ BUSINESSES" (July 31, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• Handle with CARE—IDENTIFY, EXPOSE, and GET HELP for Those Who Can Do Harm (like at Virginia Tech) (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• Notes on a Scandal: Single and Living Vicariously (February 7, 2007)
• Single Woman Syndrome (SWS) (January 30, 2007)
• BAD DATE indicators (January 22, 2007)
• SINGLE and Not Settling (December 29, 2006)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)
• Dating Know-How—For Serious Daters (December 4, 2006)

Hewitt’s Maple Walnut Goat Milk Icecream is quite a discovery!  Manufactured by a family owned and run dairy in Ontario it comes in portion-size 150ml tubs (270 calories each).   Please look for more information about where to find it on the Hewitt site—and enjoy!

As winter turned into almost-spring, I removed the artificial parts of the floral arrangements from outside my home.  All wrapped up, they’d be ready to use again next year.  The mini-Boxwood at the center had been protected through the winter and looked healthy and green, ready to contrast against Pussy Willow and Forsythia branches inserted around them.  The new additions cost $20 total for two planters.  It’s important to shop around for branches like these.  Prices do vary and better to calculate in advance.  Only get as many as you need and avoid wastage by buying ones that are already the right height, no pruning required.  I was lucky to find exactly what I was looking for at the florists on Avenue Road and Davenport (Toronto) and went from store to store, back and forth, to maximize on value and quality.

For context, please look back at the two other posts in this series:
• Staying Green: Fake, Recyclable, and Decorative Winter Florals, Year 2
(January 11, 2009)
• Fake, Recyclable, and Decorative Winter Florals (March 14, 2008)

Before there were digital alternatives, it was easy to accumulate stacks of paper (filed or unfiled).  This year’s spring clean-up, I’ve been able to be a little more ruthless than usual, but probably not ruthless enough… I know I’m not the only one!

Some Spring-Clean Strategies

1. If you haven’t looked at, or used, something in a couple of years, likely you’re not going to again.  Get rid of it!
2. Save the extremely sentimental stuff, or one of everything, but more than that isn’t necessary.  Less is more!
3. Out goes the negative:  rejections, sad letters, photographs of unhappy memories.  Looking forward, it’s preferable not to have reminders of what wasn’t or can’t be!
4. With every year that goes by, it can get easier to part with what we no longer use.  Take advantage of that!  Don’t hoard for the sake of it.
5. Don’t pressure yourself to do it all at once.  Bit by bit, day by day, systematically, work your way from cupboard to cupboard, drawer to drawer.  Don’t just tip everything out on the floor, all together.  Being tidy, and working in stages means you can leave off at anytime without feeling you’re in a total mess.
6. Have background music or TV to help you along.  Sometimes chatting on the phone (multi-tasking) can help too.
7. Be prepared with garbage and recycling bags that nothing lies around.  Then, go to    the trash as soon as possible so you don’t change your mind about what you are discarding.
8. Recycle!  Likely there’ll be many folders and files that can be emptied of content, instead of thrown out with them…  Then there’s all the paperclips and elastics.  White sticky labels will cover what was there before.  And, if it old names and labels show through, don’t worry.  It’s trendy to be “green.”
9. Pets can be welcome spectators (though they might sleep on the job). Human buddies might give you a helping hand, if they can.
10. Don’t give up!  Take a break, then start again in a day or two.  

Cleaning up makes us feel lighter and brighter—helps remove weight and worries.  Even if we make a concerted effort to clean up/throw out annually, and don’t think there could be that much to do, there always is.  Celebrate what you’ve been able to do.  Don’t dwell on what seems impossible!

Alas, Canadian winters are seldom mild for sustained periods.  February is when most of us start to get really tired of living in a cold weather climate:  need survival strategies.

 

Snow storms have me wanting to get cozy, using whatever ingredients happen to be in the kitchen to create interesting sustenance.  Here’s an unusual recipe conjured up under such circumstances.

Probiotic Banana Cherry Oat Muffins
These may not be for everyone, perhaps just those who like healthier fare, or have wheat sensitivities.

• 3 cups of oat flour
• 1 cup flax meal
• 4 eggs
• 2 cups probiotic yogurt
• 2 quarter of an ounce packets of cherries
• 3 large bananas
• 4 tablespoons of baking powder
• 1.5 sticks of butter
• 2 teaspoons of salt
• 1 cup brown sugar

Preparation

Mix all ingredients together, adding the eggs last, and bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.

Yield:   2 dozen large muffins, or a combination of mini-muffins and regular muffins.  Bake the mini-muffins on a lower shelf and the larger muffins on a higher shelf, and they’ll take the same amount of time.

For a special treat, top with creamcheese icing, or glaze, made from creamcheese, icing sugar, and Amaretto.  Freeze to set.

For more of DocSusan’s spontaneous recipe creations, please see earlier posts:

• Jazzing Up Traditional Recipes: Mixed Root Vegetable Latkes with Pineapple/Pear/Raspberry Compote and Crème Fraîche (January 24, 2009)
• New Year’s Scones: 30 Minutes to Homemade, From Idea to Tabletop (January 3, 2009)
• Comfort Food, Comfort Mood:   Self-Care and Cooking for One that’s Nutritious, Delicious, and Easy (December 15, 2008)
• Homemade Dog Food: Synchronicity, Health, Quality (November 22, 2008)
• The Cooking Gene—No Exact Recipes, Wholesome Cuisine 2: Cookies and Scones (September 25, 2008)
• The Cooking Gene—No Exact Recipes, Wholesome Cuisine 1: Soups (September 22, 2008) 

This morning, birds were singing:  a rare treat in Toronto in the wintertime.  This afternoon, walking the dogs, it was getting colder again.  But, my thoughts stayed cheerful:  memories milder weather can bring had already been stirred.  I was thinking about the garden and its coming back to life, once the snow melts completely and finally… 

 

I planted two miniature pear trees 11 years ago.  However, it was only last year that I tasted their fruit for the first time. The crop looked abundant in the late spring.  Then, by summer’s end, only three samples were left. This year I’m going to have to beat the squirrels to it, and pick whatever is produced before it ripens. There’s nothing like homegrown fare, if you get the opportunity to enjoy it…

Family Day, a holiday that’s unique to Ontario, Canada, and in its second year, proves challenging to some who live solo. Local decision-makers might not have realized and/or taken into account all the variables and ramifications. This province-wide holiday comes just two days after Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day might have felt awkward for individuals without a “special someone” in their life with whom to celebrate. The next day, they recuperate:  move on from worries about having been unable to identify.  Then, another blow: a similar holiday in rapid succession that seems to have even less relevance to their status, experience, and/or interests.

That the number of singles (never married, divorced, widowed, or separated) is growing, in Canada and elsewhere, is not just a fact.  It’s a reality! Unfortunately, most events scheduled in and around Toronto (as listed in the Toronto Star for Family Day) don’t appear to take this into consideration.  A lot of Torontonians can’t but help feel left out.  However, it’s embarrassing for them to complain out loud. So, what can they do, and how might legislators show greater sensitivity in future years?  Should a “Solo Day” be inserted into the calendar too?

Even if  “Family Day” alienates with a name that’s not every-citizen-inclusive, it’s still important to make the most of the opportunity for a day off, and find alternative purpose for festivity. Better not to lament over what the day might be supposed to represent if you are without family and/or have unhappy familial associations. More advisable to try and make the effort to do something worthwhile, memorable, productive, or relaxing, how ever possible.

Here are some suggestions (in random order) to assist solos who might feel disconnected and/or blue on, or due to, Family Day.  Though each person might have different priorities (needs, limitations, capacities, and capabilities), staying optimistic and being open to doing, thinking, and believing differently is important:

1.   Focus on other personal positives and accomplishments.
2.   Stay active (and distracted) with work projects and/or hobbies.
3.   Avoid situations and venues that cause discomfort.
4.   Hang out with others in similar circumstances.
5.   Volunteer and help those less fortunate.
6.   Welcome invitations that are feel-good opportunities, for self or others.
7.   Relax and rest at home if going out doesn’t seem like it will be fun.
8.   Enjoy pets and focus on spending quality time with them.
9.   Catch up with administrivia (bills) and housekeeping (clean up).
10. Smile! (even if you don’t want to)—perhaps the simplest way to start feeling better.
11. Self-Indulge:  read a good book, go for a run, have a glass of wine or massage…
12. Host a get-together or pot-luck: invite other solos and/or families.

Hats off to families (and friends) who are able to reach out to solos and include and/or make a fuss of them, on Family Day especially!  

Earlier related bog posts include:

• Beat the February Blahs: Connect and Reconnect in Positive Ways (February 14, 2009)
• In Anticipation of VALENTINE’S DAY, Singles Included (February 13, 2008)
• “MOTHER’S Day” for the Disconnected (May 16, 2007)
• Notes on a Scandal: SINGLE and Living Vicariously (February 12, 2007)

 

Last winter season, I posted a blog piece, Fake, Recyclable, and Decorative Winter Florals (March 14, 2008).  This winter season, I reused the recyclable parts from that arrangement, achieving a quite different look.  The new version will, likely, be 100% recyclable.  The mini-Boxwood, acquired for the center, can be planted in the garden in the spring, and the Eucapyptus branches (which had been coated) will, probably be intact for next year, even if they don’t smell as potent as they do now. (Lovely aroma after a snow or rain storm!) This year’s arrangement is posted above, last year’s below.

 

 

Under the weather and housebound can have pluses!  At the end of 2008, I gave myself permission to indulge and rediscover old (but not sufficiently explored hobbies, like cooking and sewing. Usually, with a rigorous work schedule there’d be no time…

Lev and Sage agreed to assist me with projects—new designs for their dog clothes and matching beds:

Getting going with sewing, I found out that Toronto is quite a hub for those looking to learn more about this craft.  There’s a bunch of facilities and teachers to suit all interests and budgets!  Here’s what I came across, more or less accidentally, not far from home:

• The Sewing Studio
• Sew Be It, Studio Workshop
• The Workroom
• Creative Sewing School (Barbara Hobbs, 416 483 6102, Avenue and Lawrence)

Denise, from the Sewing Studio, provided motivation with easy assignments, like the beds above!

Also, for supplies and equipment, I discovered a variety of options:

• For equipment and accessories, there’s the Sewing Centre (416 487 4438, 2144 Yonge Street).  Great customer service and lessons from Joe Murphy!

• For fabrics, Designer Fabrics on Queen is recommended by the trade, with the best prices, and most interesting offerings, off sale.

• For the best one-stop shop and discounts (with membership) Fabricland seems to dominate—though shopping there might be a fun experience.

• The Dollerama on Queen (close to Designer Fabrics) has some interesting accessories and tools.

 

For those who don’t live in snow-habituated climates, clean-up coordination and machinery might be considered an unusual sight. 

Just before New Year’s, Toronto’s snow-cleaning team did a fine (and surprise) job on neighborhood streets.  Here is some of their equipment in action.  

THANK YOU to the city for making it easier for locals to get out of the house, and navigate streets and sidewalks safely, before the next snow fall comes (and builds up)!

 

Thanksgiving already a memory, the Christmas holidays are almost upon us.  No matter the holiday, house guests are usually involved.  How they behave (or don’t) can help make or break a happy home.

Some guests are house-trained.  Others are not, but can be coaxed.  Here’s a checklist of some essentials:

1.  Bring a gift (no matter how small, or homemade). Tokens of a appriectiation count.
2. "Thank you" matters.  Call or write within a couple of days.
3.  Strip/change the bed and gather up linens and towels for laundry, and/or replace with fresh ones before leaving (if not using your own).
4.  Clean the bathroom that you have been using (especially if it’s one that’s been for your exclusive use).
5.  Eat, drink, and enjoy without taking advantage.  If you know your needs are greater/different than what the host(s) can provide, come prepared or assist with filling the fridge, as necessary.
6.  Tidy up after yourself.  Even if you’re messy at home, try harder not to be elsewhere.  
7.  Know the "rules of the house."  If shoes are supposed to be taken off inside, they are supposed to be taken off inside.  If lights don’t need to be on in every room, lights don’t need to be on in every room…
8.  Be helpful.  Better than asking what you can do to help, take initiative, and do what’s needed to help.  If it’s garbage day, make sure that’s not overlooked.  If the host has a headache and might need a cup of tea, make one.

If you are not invited to stay again, perhaps check the list given above to help determine why.

Other blog posts about consideration and/or social etiquette include:

 • Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• Reliability, Vulnerability, Fear (October 8, 2008)
• Mixed Messages and Contradictions (September 29, 2008)
• PLAY NICE—Near and Far! (John Edwards too… (August 13, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (February 1, 2008)
• DEPRESSION ALERT! and Heath Ledger’s Unfortunate Death (January 24, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
•  “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)

p.s. Reader feedback on this post has been interesting.  One suggestion has been to add a "point number 9"—"If the host gets upset with you for any reason, react calmly and don’t engage their frustration."  Let’s also wonder why a host might get upset, and if certain hosts can be too hard to please!

 

Anne Curry spoke by phone (live) from Kilimanjaro, today. Yes, breathing might be difficult, but wireless connections do work almost all the way to the top.  Many guides have cell phones, and chat and text frequently, while taking breaks!

How is Anne really doing?  Something viewers, and the other presenters, are clearly wondering.  Her voice definitely sounds like she’s experiencing altitude sickness.  Also, she must be fatigued from the climb, and the thinner air makes it difficult to speak normally.  Despite this, it’s obvious her spirits are high, as she confirmed.  What an accomplishment—not only to participate on the ascent, but to work as hard as she has done by bringing us such insightful, unique, and careful reporting, regardless of obstacles!*

The MSNBC crew are now at 15,700 feet, where, we’re told, they will have several days to adjust and relax.  Rest, perseverance, and teamwork, will, hopefully, see them through!  In my experience, the last 4,000 feet come more easily, thanks to the added benefits of Diamox, hand-warmers, adrenaline, warm clothes and water, and lots of faith.  Also, very important to know, Tanzanian guides and porters are incredible!

 

Be assured, each climber will be assisted and/or encouraged every step of the way from here on in—and checked with a pulse oximeter, frequently!  Also, please know that when I made it to the top on my own climb, I wasn’t able to take any photos or video footage.  The agony—and ecstasy—were simply too great!

All the best to Anne and her team. Even if the Today Show climbers don’t make it all the way, they’ve still given us a wonderful gift.  * The focus on water conservation—the real purpose of the trip—has been inspiring!  Most people who climb Kilimanjaro return home with life-changing/saving ideas, that hopefully will translate into actions, big or small.  I made a personal list, shared in a blog piece entitled, Lessons from Kilimanjaro (January 11, 2008). 

For further information on climbing Kilimanjaro, and firsthand accounting, please check out other earlier blog entries, listed in yesterday’s (November 17, 08) blog piece:  Anne Curry Climbs Kilimanjaro: “Today Show” Goes to the Ends of the Earth to Examine Life-Sustaining Sources of Water and Threats to Them.

For further details on how to become more "green," please check out NBC Universal’s Green Your Routine links.

 

Please click on the image above.  These shots are shared in appreciation of a beautiful autumn day, Friday November 7, 08!  It was a treat to observe exquisite late-fall colors, by chance, wandering through mid-town Toronto’s residential streets.

This is a blog piece I hesitated to post.  Could it upset, disappoint, or depress readers?  How might you perceive me as writer?  Regardless, it felt right to go ahead.  I thought and thought again…  Though the artwork and intentions of this site are positive, for the most part, being real and confronting the uncomfortable is an essential part of who I am.  Sometimes, it’s not possible to gloss over strong sentiments (even if they appear negative or disappointing). Everything we show can help us (and others) grow! Anthony Hopkins as C. S. Lewis, in the movie Shadowlands, states, "We read to know we are not alone." (1993).  I write to know this too!  Fifteen years later this simple movie-line still has powerful meaning.  Perhaps, that’s what compels me to share the following poem with you.

FAITH

Feelings we have
Attachments we make
Intuition to guide, or not
Trust earned, or undone
Habits and happenings

Faith…
What is it really?

To have and to hold, or so we’ve been told
Or not…

To give us drive, make us feel alive
Or the opposite?

Faith…

Some live by it
Others would like to
Many find it impossible

Believing and grieving
Striving and diving

A day to wonder and worry
Conscience and consciousness

Some things don’t make sense
Others are full of pretense

The seemingly good others among us aren’t
Those with the best qualifications can’t

Let-downs abound
Those who’ve tried hardest drowned

Expectations and disappointments
Anxieties and concerns

Many, many burns

Dusting oneself off
Keeping things in perspective
Ever reflective

Quelling those rambling thoughts
The ones that slap us in the face
Slow down our pace

Trying, yet again, to start fresh
A new year
A new way
On track to stay

Ah, if it were as simple as it sounds
Ah, if we weren’t responsible for our surrounds
And those with whom we’ve attached—by choice, slip-up, or destiny

The people we’ve trusted
The hopes we’ve had
The dreams unrealized

The feeling stuck
Face in muck

Kicked instead of caressed
Naked, but not undressed

Those who’ve taken advantage
And those who’ve had advantage taken

Wrong isn’t right
And right shouldn’t seem so wrong

Spirits lowered
Disappointments showered

Inspiration sought
What matters can’t be bought

I opted not to go to synagogue for Rosh Hashana. It didn’t feel right.  Instead, quiet contemplation stimulated this poem.

Though we’d like to think and believe the best, not all rabbis are "good."  Nor are all regular  "good people."  Hypocrisy and double standards are an unfortunate norm in every organized religion at every level—as well as among friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and family.  (And, let’s not forget in business and politics!)  Though many folk are afraid to see or state it, sometimes it’s hard not to wonder:  "What’s the point? Who can you really trust that’s not just out for themselves, regardless of their position and responsibilities?  Who are the ’show-men’ and ’show-women’ (the ‘insinceres’) in our lives?"

Rosh Hashanah (the head of the year) can be many things to many people.  Generally, it’s marked by ritual and family gatherings.  However, like Christmas, Valentine’s Day, weddings, birthdays, and other (intentended to be) ceremonious times, the "spiritual" isn’t always what’s obvious, or triggers (questioning and distressing) thoughts and responses.  There are always those who feel uncomfortable—left out, or struggling with memories and associations that aren’t happy.  They can sense no genuine point of connection or healthy attachment, despite repeated effort.  Being able to be mindful of this, as well as caring towards individuals in our circles who could be struggling (and left "faithless") is truly a mitzvah (good deed)—some might even say "miraculous."

p.s. The movie, Shadowlands, touched a lot of people in a variety of other ways. Further commentaries on this are shared elsewhere.

  

Even after studying beginner Italian for three semesters at the Toronto’s Italian Cultural Institute, and buying a bunch of self-help books and tapes, I wasn’t confident enough to speak the language once in Florence (for the Biennale). However, this didn’t detract from my enjoyment of being there, and sensing what was said and written—taking in the ambiance, mood, and energy. In Italy, la dolce vita (the good life) is energizing, especially when a stark Canadian winter sets in.  At a quick glance, here is some of what seems to matter:  art(s), food, hairdressers, individuality, laughter, playfulness, style, uniqueness

Food tastes different—fruit and vegetables smell like they’re supposed to (haven’t been forced or altered), and time is taken over meals. Friends gather in large groups and share what’s on the table—at home and in restaurants.  There’s a lot there, but servings are adequate, not excessive.  People learn how to dine, course by course, and interact while eating, from an early age.  They also are seen out walking on a daily basis.

There may be chaos surrounding organized events and activities, but everything gets done, just in time, and happens how it’s supposed to.  Along the way, it might be realized that biggest isn’t necessarily be best.  More intimate gatherings and personal/neighborly relationships prevail.  Instead of being home alone, many are out doing their daily grocery shop, or frequenting destinations in easy reach, by foot.  The streets bustle with locals engaged in habitual activities that have existed for generations:  going to mass, errecting and taking down market stands, or standing up for an aperitif and antipasto at a corner bar. Even well-known bursts of rain don’t stop everyday life, or visitors.

 

A few local tried and proven recommendations in Firenze include:  Carlo Bay: haircare; Cellai: hotel accomodation; Grom: gelato;  Madova: gloves; Muniaciello: pizza, cocktails, music, Rivoire: lunch, pastries, home-made chocolate; Zaza: fun, central trattoria; Zechhi: art supplies.

 

Every winter I try to be as creative as possible with the floral arrangements/greenery outside my home.  But, in a cold snowy climate this can be difficult—especially for someone who favors natural over fake. This year, I made a 50-50 display (50 percent natural, 50 percent fake), and it’s been more long-lasting and attractive than previous years.  In fact, the fake parts (fruits and berry branches) have had better durability than expected.  Even after holding a lot of snow they will be recyclable for next year’s arrangement!

p.s. Canada Blooms may be happening right now, but nothing’s changed with the arrangements outside my home. No hint of spring!

 

We research some hotels in advance.  Others, are found by chance.  When the Florence Biennale travel agent billeted me at the Hotel Cellai, I didn’t know what to expect, but ended up being surprised and delighted. This boutique hotel, I think, might enhance any arts enthusiast’s visit to Florence—epitomizes the Florentine spirit and its evolution. 

Originally, a small bed and breakfast, the premise has been in the Carvallo family for three generations—passing from grandmother to daughter to son.  Francesco, the current owner/manger credits his three decades of "international renaissance education" with strongly influencing his hotel’s remodeling and expansion.  The Cellai now has 70 rooms, and is brimming with artwork, ornaments, fine furnishings, and old-world charm. Each room is different from the next and the lounge areas are comfortable and intriguing.  Magazines and books are are in key locations throughout, opened on pages with special quotes, images and articles.  Also, various contemporary artists’ canvases are exhibited on a rotating basis in a living room area.

Although the hotel looks complete the way it is, Carvallo is in the process of adding three more common areas:  a billiard room (with a purple-clothed table).  Geometry is one of this designer’s passions, and the room’s intention will be to give a sense of the "forces of the universe." The second addition will be a "love room"—one that’s not really intended for use, but to be viewed as an installation of sorts, built around a red velvet sofa (from a 1890 - 1905 "pleasure house").  "It cost a fortune," Carvallo admitted, reminding that people will be looking at it, not sitting on it.  There’ll also be special mirrors (from another "pleasure house").  Finally, there’ll be Libertine prints, showing people flirting. The third, and final, new space, will be a wine bar with books and silk curtains.  20th century style will be set off to advantage here, with black and white photos from 1920 - 1970 being an important decoration (from Carvallo’s extensive personal collection).

Interior design, according to Carvallo, is like "a medicine" for him.  His own home celebrates the 1940s - 60s, but has paintings from the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries as well.  Carvallo especially loves still-lives from the nineteenth century that have dark backgrounds and Italian origins—mostly from Florence and Naples.

Carvallo appears a modest and diligent man, and blushes when telling that his interior designs have been featured in niche magazines. He is also very excited about another space, adjacent to the hotel, that is also nearing completion.  It is to be called the "Spazio Bianco" (White Space).  This is where his designs will have a chance to leap into the contemporary world (beyond the 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries).  He loves the idea of covering centuries, room by room, as he has done so far.  The "Spazio Bianco" (White Space), as its name indicates, will be totally white and have a wooden floor, also painted white.  Carvallo is particularly looking forward to creating special effects in there.  The simplicity of the decor, he thinks, will offer unique possibilities, like to change the color of the air.  

The event space/gallery is 150 square meters, and will be the hotel’s cinema, if there’s no special event or exhibition happening.  Carvallo plans to show Italian black and white movies from 1948 - 1968 (from his personal collection).   He’s also looking forward to playing there once a week, with his band, "The Pink Freuds."  Carvallo is the vocalist.  In the band, there’s vocal, piano, guitar, electric guitar, and drum.  Apart from a female lawyer, all the other band members are male—and professionals with significant day jobs:  an architect, economist, town planner, and geologist (responsible for Florence’s public water systems).

Carvallo’s attention to detail shows everywhere, and not least in his agenda for the event space/gallery.  The product line "San Zanobi" (local oils and wines) will be available for tastings.  Then, once a month, vintage dresses will be shown, from a flee market close by.   And, there’ll be a salon-type atmosphere with literary readings and art shows.  Carvallo is "connected," so the offerings are guaranteed to be interesting!  Cecco Mariniello, the number one (and reclusive) Italian childrens’ book illustrator is the Cellai’s postcard designer—and, right now, these postcards are "giveaways"!

Carvallo doesn’t have a secretary, and says he makes all his own decisions and designs.  His days are long and guests catch him fluffing cushions early morning, or with papers all over his desk well into the evening. In the day, he drifts in and out, covered in dust from construction. Carvallo explains how, in Italy, "Everyone wants to change things themselves, and put in their soul…and then there’s Italian mothers who ‘kill’ Italian boys…"  His own mother, at 83,  went paragliding in Florida recently, and his father lived a healthy life until his passing at 90.  Carvallo’s mother still helps out at the Cellai, and he says he’s appreciative of that.  "Traditionally, Italian men talk but don’t do.  Women do…," he stresses.  Carvallo might just be an exception to his own rule!

Carvallo is hoping to open all his new additions this spring.  Then, he’s planning to start selling artifacts that he’s collected, as well as artworks from displays.

 

JUST ANNOUNCED! DocSusan is thrilled to have been chosen to participate in The Artist Project at Artropolis, Chicago’s citywide celebration of arts, antiques and culture, April 25-28, 2008 (preview opening, April 24).

The Artist Project is Artropolis’ key event showcasing independent artists. An annual exhibition and sale in its second year, it features original work from a juried selection of 300 established and emerging artists. Included artsists cannot be affiliated with galleries. This gives visitors a rare opportunity to discover and obtain interesting and affordable art directly from its creators.

Other Artropolis happenings include: Art Chicago, The Merchandise Mart International Antiques Fair, NEXT, and The Intuit Show of Folk and Outsider Art. They are all held at the The Merchandise Mart.  And, at the same time, throughout the city, an abundance of other activies are scheduled to take place at major museums, small galleries, world-class concert halls, cutting-edge clubs, lakefront parks, private parties, and more.

Heath Ledger’s unfortunate death has generated much discussion about its nature—whether it was accidental or not. From the LA Times to Time (and beyond), it’s become a major news story!  Close family and friends of the deceased insisted right away on "accidental causes." Noone likes to think about, admit to, or acknowledge the "S"(uicide) possiblity, at anytime.

Media have provided a lot of extra/invasive hype, with many presumptive questions.  Naturally, suggestions of foul play abound, with analyses of the actor’s distresses.  Whatever the truth might actually be, we’ll never really know. Sadly, the one person who could have told us isn’t around anymore.  Apparently, he was found alone, face-down and naked on his bed, by service providers (his housekeeper and his masseuse).  Close family were thousands of miles away, and the face that Ledger gave to the world in his many outstanding film performances was, obviously, not the face he wore privately (of late).

Ledger was famous. That’s why we get to hear, see, and read about him, and his final days and hours.  But, there are many other individuals, just like this movie star, dying every day—and in our own midst. Their burnout, despair, frustration, and loneliness cannot be remedied effectively.  Accidents and non-accidents happen, closer to home and all the time…

No matter the nice things said and done after a "loved one" is gone, nothing can make up for what was not said and done when he or she was alive (manifesting that all wasn’t right). The "take-home message" is to be more mindful of those around us continually—and sensitive to our interactions with them.  We truly never know how we might affect someone else, and what the consequences might be.  What’s not a big deal for you, might be for someone else. Everything adds up.  And, sometimes, just one more disappointing encoounter may be that one more too many…

This following simple poem, "Depression Alert," is an important one to remember. I included it (below) in tribute to Ledger. His untimely death provides an opportunity to share sentiments that might not have gained exposure otherwise.  Think of those with whom your life intersects. Perhaps they need a little more attention, consideration, and follow-up than you’ve been able to give them till now.  We may all be "busy," but…

DEPRESSION ALERT!

The places you don’t go
Clothes you don’t wear
People you don’t see

Others’ imaginings…

A life of ease
Please don’t tease

The pain
Nothing you can explain

Torment deep within
Understanding thin

Not who they think you are
Distance very far

Spoken up and not heard
Silent and more congenial

Another funeral.

Let’s be realistic—and honest.  Standards are set very high these days by what we think is true, but actually isn’t.  Magazine touch-ups are an obvious way to recognize how what’s raw and real gets distorted and embellished. 

Lindsay Lohan is an over-played but obvious example. First, let’s take a look at her Elle (September 2007) cover photo, which is only the latest in a series of magazine cover photos.  Then, let’s take a look at her July 24 (07) police mug shot.  Show business would have her appear one way. The law clearly shows her another way…  

How has Lohan gone from that to this or this to that?  Is it fair to blame someone/thing else? Is it even fair to blame her, or her family, friends, and entourage? Is it our business, anyway? Not really—except if she’s a danger to others, which is highly likely with an arrest for drunk driving and cocaine possession.  But, then again, DUI, is no big deal these days—or so it seems for young celebrities.

Paris Hilton, after her promises to stop partying after her DUI jail time, was soon back to her frivolities. Then there’s her off-on "best friend," Nicole Richie, also up for DUI jail time.  Apparently, a boyfriend and pregnancy are the "two major influences" that will break the "bad ‘pattern’" in her life.  Imminent motherhood, she believes, will make her more responsible.  But, shouldn’t she be more responsible first, in order to merit being a mother?  A tad confusing! Or, maybe, not.  We’ve all heard about Britney Spears, and seen how she defends her motherhood foibles.

Sadly, in a society where decent role models don’t seem to get the news coverage they deserve and appropriate consequences are sorely lacking, anything seems to go and be acceptable.  No press is bad press, especially when it can generate $$$$$.

Some people are seen to have it all, and squander what they have.  Others have very little, but are genuine—turn out better human beings, no limelight necessary.

Why would we want to emulate images/icons that are contrived and fleeting—represent actualities that only exist on a glossy page, offering glimpses of what might never be possible or sustainable?

The "too good to be true" is around us everywhere.  Sometimes, we ignore it.  Other times, we’re ready to be taken in by it.  It all depends on how vulnerable (and/or gullible) we are. Self-esteem, need, greed, and fear can cloud judgment, as does peer pressure and bullying.  So, finding ways to keep things in perspective—not relying on perception being reality—is important. Be aware:

1.  Promises are only as good as those who make them.
2.  What happens quickly can unhappen more quickly.
3.  Even it’s free now, you’ll be paying for it later (and probably a lot more).
4.  The easier it is, the less value and longevity it might have.
5.  Telling the truth might get you into trouble.  Not telling it can get others into trouble.  And, when others are in trouble, you may no longer call the shots—they will.
6.  Just because you’re sure of yourself, it doesn’t mean others are sure of you.  And, when you’re sure of others, you might not be sure of yourself.

We all want to think the best, dream of a better tomorrow, and have hope for the future.  It’s a natural survival instinct!  However, what’s more important is to know where, how, and when to draw the line—not be taken in by ourselves, as well as others.  Regardless, we never know how long we have, or how forces beyond our control might change everything in an instant.  Take, for instance, the bridge collapse in Minnesota—a sad reminder and wake-up call, like most unexpected tragedies, to stop dwelling on the superficial (and those who are impressed by it).

 

The last four years, I was in Boston for July 4th.  This year, I’m missing being there!  The United States may be a very big country.  But, on holidays such as Independence Day and Thanksgiving, it can feel more like a small town, most people being encouraged to be involved in some way.  Because of this, I experienced a much greater sense of community/patriotism/belonging/spirit, consistently, (even as an "alien") than I have ever done in Canada.   

For most Canadians, it seems that Canada Day/Thanksgiving are non-events, with individuals often left floating alone.  Many stores/restaurants remain open, and there’s a chance for time off.  But, sharing festivities (public or private) isn’t, generally, a huge priority, especially if you’re not part of a particular group—and the impression of aloofness some home-grown Canadians can give isn’t heartening.

Each year, in Boston, I was invited to a variety of gatherings, usually in people’s homes.  Some, I knew well.  Others, I didn’t know at all.  Hosts encouraged their friends to bring friends. All were concerned that everyone, strangers in particular, be involved.  Inclusion and wanting to be included seemed important. And, even if I’d stayed home, I could see fireworks in every direction, from my own apartment.  Most neighbors, it appeared, were doing something to celebrate/acknowledge the day—and each other!

In Canada, my impression, overall, since coming back, is that there just doesn’t appear to be the traditional group energy/pride or warmth/openness that there is in the US.  This is a shame, especially for newcomers and visitors.  Sometimes, you can’t put your finger on what’s missing. But, my stay in the US has given me an alternative perspective—shown where/how/why other (friendlier) ways are possible…

Vacations open our eyes. Acutally living somewhere else, day-to-day, for a longer period, helps us see/understand more clearly, causgin our comfort levels and tolerances, as well as expectations, to change.

Start the work week by saying, doing, and thinking nice things and you’ll feel much better.  Sure, bad things (and people) happen, but if you fester over them unnecessarily you’ll stay stuck in a mode that’s counterproductive.  If you smile, others are more likely to smile back.  If you frown, you will get a different response—possibly making things worse…

re. Surroundings:  Keep them as upbeat as possible and your mood will be similar.

re. Health and Nutrition:  Stay informed and make wise choices—you’re important too!

re. Relationships:  Favor harmony over confrontation and reconciliation over isolation.

re. Activities:  Proceed like everything is going to work out, and your journeys will be easier, whatever their destinations/results.

Don’t put yourself, or others, down and welcome and encourage compliments!  By setting yourself, and others, up for feeling better/successful we’ll all be in more agreable mind-sets to cope with disappointments should they occur.  Bouncing back repeatedly is hard, but that’s what most of us have to do.  Some people just make things look easier…

Canadian customs duties are prohibitive.  Think carefully before buying anything from the US and having it mailed to Canada.  Between postage and duties, there are no savings.  On the contrary, you pay top dollar for items that are meant to be less than.

Recently, I made two purchases that incurred unreasonable charges.

1. A canine bicycle basket from In the Company of Dogs, at a "reduced price"—US$44.97.  Then there was the shipping—US$21.15. Finally came the duties—CD$12.05.  With shipping and duties combined nearly costing as much as the item purchased, there’s a real problem—even if the item is recreational rather than an "essential."  Canada Post collected the cash payment at my door before handing over the purchase.

By the way, In the Company of Dogs takes five weeks to ship to Canada and isn’t as customer-service friendly as one would hope—especially if issues arise.  Also, some of their products can be found elsewhere at better prices.

2. Ten 24in x 24in canvases from Dick Blick (the premier art supply chain in the US), which cost US$102.15. Then there was the shipping—US$18.22.  Finally came the duties—CD$33.85.  With shipping and duties combined nearly costing as much as the items purchased, there’s a real problem—especially for work-essential goods. Fed Ex sent out a typed statement after delivery, detailing their costs, which they try to keep to a minimum (CD$1.68 brokerage fee and CD35 cents disbursement fee).

By the way, Dick Blick makes sure you get your order in a couple of days (via Fed Ex Ground, for size-appropriate products) and have wonderful discounts, providing you don’t live outside the US.  Unfortunately, I haven’t yet found a Canadian art supplies retailer that can rival their selection, discounts, and efficiency.

 

Growth

Accomplishment

Roots and reminders

Distraction and delight

Exercise

New possibilities

Insights and involvement

Natural moments

Gifts and surprises

Moment to moment

Day to day

Year to year…