Even after studying beginner Italian for three semesters at the Toronto’s Italian Cultural Institute, and buying a bunch of self-help books and tapes, I wasn’t confident enough to speak the language once in Florence (for the Biennale). However, this didn’t detract from my enjoyment of being there, and sensing what was said and written—taking in the ambiance, mood, and energy. In Italy, la dolce vita (the good life) is energizing, especially when a stark Canadian winter sets in.  At a quick glance, here is some of what seems to matter:  art(s), food, hairdressers, individuality, laughter, playfulness, style, uniqueness

Food tastes different—fruit and vegetables smell like they’re supposed to (haven’t been forced or altered), and time is taken over meals. Friends gather in large groups and share what’s on the table—at home and in restaurants.  There’s a lot there, but servings are adequate, not excessive.  People learn how to dine, course by course, and interact while eating, from an early age.  They also are seen out walking on a daily basis.

There may be chaos surrounding organized events and activities, but everything gets done, just in time, and happens how it’s supposed to.  Along the way, it might be realized that biggest isn’t necessarily be best.  More intimate gatherings and personal/neighborly relationships prevail.  Instead of being home alone, many are out doing their daily grocery shop, or frequenting destinations in easy reach, by foot.  The streets bustle with locals engaged in habitual activities that have existed for generations:  going to mass, errecting and taking down market stands, or standing up for an aperitif and antipasto at a corner bar. Even well-known bursts of rain don’t stop everyday life, or visitors.

 

A few local tried and proven recommendations in Firenze include:  Carlo Bay: haircare; Cellai: hotel accomodation; Grom: gelato;  Madova: gloves; Muniaciello: pizza, cocktails, music, Rivoire: lunch, pastries, home-made chocolate; Zaza: fun, central trattoria; Zechhi: art supplies.

 

Every winter I try to be as creative as possible with the floral arrangements/greenery outside my home.  But, in a cold snowy climate this can be difficult—especially for someone who favors natural over fake. This year, I made a 50-50 display (50 percent natural, 50 percent fake), and it’s been more long-lasting and attractive than previous years.  In fact, the fake parts (fruits and berry branches) have had better durability than expected.  Even after holding a lot of snow they will be recyclable for next year’s arrangement!

p.s. Canada Blooms may be happening right now, but nothing’s changed with the arrangements outside my home. No hint of spring!

 

We research some hotels in advance.  Others, are found by chance.  When the Florence Biennale travel agent billeted me at the Hotel Cellai, I didn’t know what to expect, but ended up being surprised and delighted. This boutique hotel, I think, might enhance any arts enthusiast’s visit to Florence—epitomizes the Florentine spirit and its evolution. 

Originally, a small bed and breakfast, the premise has been in the Carvallo family for three generations—passing from grandmother to daughter to son.  Francesco, the current owner/manger credits his three decades of "international renaissance education" with strongly influencing his hotel’s remodeling and expansion.  The Cellai now has 70 rooms, and is brimming with artwork, ornaments, fine furnishings, and old-world charm. Each room is different from the next and the lounge areas are comfortable and intriguing.  Magazines and books are are in key locations throughout, opened on pages with special quotes, images and articles.  Also, various contemporary artists’ canvases are exhibited on a rotating basis in a living room area.

Although the hotel looks complete the way it is, Carvallo is in the process of adding three more common areas:  a billiard room (with a purple-clothed table).  Geometry is one of this designer’s passions, and the room’s intention will be to give a sense of the "forces of the universe." The second addition will be a "love room"—one that’s not really intended for use, but to be viewed as an installation of sorts, built around a red velvet sofa (from a 1890 - 1905 "pleasure house").  "It cost a fortune," Carvallo admitted, reminding that people will be looking at it, not sitting on it.  There’ll also be special mirrors (from another "pleasure house").  Finally, there’ll be Libertine prints, showing people flirting. The third, and final, new space, will be a wine bar with books and silk curtains.  20th century style will be set off to advantage here, with black and white photos from 1920 - 1970 being an important decoration (from Carvallo’s extensive personal collection).

Interior design, according to Carvallo, is like "a medicine" for him.  His own home celebrates the 1940s - 60s, but has paintings from the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries as well.  Carvallo especially loves still-lives from the nineteenth century that have dark backgrounds and Italian origins—mostly from Florence and Naples.

Carvallo appears a modest and diligent man, and blushes when telling that his interior designs have been featured in niche magazines. He is also very excited about another space, adjacent to the hotel, that is also nearing completion.  It is to be called the "Spazio Bianco" (White Space).  This is where his designs will have a chance to leap into the contemporary world (beyond the 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries).  He loves the idea of covering centuries, room by room, as he has done so far.  The "Spazio Bianco" (White Space), as its name indicates, will be totally white and have a wooden floor, also painted white.  Carvallo is particularly looking forward to creating special effects in there.  The simplicity of the decor, he thinks, will offer unique possibilities, like to change the color of the air.  

The event space/gallery is 150 square meters, and will be the hotel’s cinema, if there’s no special event or exhibition happening.  Carvallo plans to show Italian black and white movies from 1948 - 1968 (from his personal collection).   He’s also looking forward to playing there once a week, with his band, "The Pink Freuds."  Carvallo is the vocalist.  In the band, there’s vocal, piano, guitar, electric guitar, and drum.  Apart from a female lawyer, all the other band members are male—and professionals with significant day jobs:  an architect, economist, town planner, and geologist (responsible for Florence’s public water systems).

Carvallo’s attention to detail shows everywhere, and not least in his agenda for the event space/gallery.  The product line "San Zanobi" (local oils and wines) will be available for tastings.  Then, once a month, vintage dresses will be shown, from a flee market close by.   And, there’ll be a salon-type atmosphere with literary readings and art shows.  Carvallo is "connected," so the offerings are guaranteed to be interesting!  Cecco Mariniello, the number one (and reclusive) Italian childrens’ book illustrator is the Cellai’s postcard designer—and, right now, these postcards are "giveaways"!

Carvallo doesn’t have a secretary, and says he makes all his own decisions and designs.  His days are long and guests catch him fluffing cushions early morning, or with papers all over his desk well into the evening. In the day, he drifts in and out, covered in dust from construction. Carvallo explains how, in Italy, "Everyone wants to change things themselves, and put in their soul…and then there’s Italian mothers who ‘kill’ Italian boys…"  His own mother, at 83,  went paragliding in Florida recently, and his father lived a healthy life until his passing at 90.  Carvallo’s mother still helps out at the Cellai, and he says he’s appreciative of that.  "Traditionally, Italian men talk but don’t do.  Women do…," he stresses.  Carvallo might just be an exception to his own rule!

Carvallo is hoping to open all his new additions this spring.  Then, he’s planning to start selling artifacts that he’s collected, as well as artworks from displays.

 

JUST ANNOUNCED! DocSusan is thrilled to have been chosen to participate in The Artist Project at Artropolis, Chicago’s citywide celebration of arts, antiques and culture, April 25-28, 2008 (preview opening, April 24).

The Artist Project is Artropolis’ key event showcasing independent artists. An annual exhibition and sale in its second year, it features original work from a juried selection of 300 established and emerging artists. Included artsists cannot be affiliated with galleries. This gives visitors a rare opportunity to discover and obtain interesting and affordable art directly from its creators.

Other Artropolis happenings include: Art Chicago, The Merchandise Mart International Antiques Fair, NEXT, and The Intuit Show of Folk and Outsider Art. They are all held at the The Merchandise Mart.  And, at the same time, throughout the city, an abundance of other activies are scheduled to take place at major museums, small galleries, world-class concert halls, cutting-edge clubs, lakefront parks, private parties, and more.

Heath Ledger’s unfortunate death has generated much discussion about its nature—whether it was accidental or not. From the LA Times to Time (and beyond), it’s become a major news story!  Close family and friends of the deceased insisted right away on "accidental causes." Noone likes to think about, admit to, or acknowledge the "S"(uicide) possiblity, at anytime.

Media have provided a lot of extra/invasive hype, with many presumptive questions.  Naturally, suggestions of foul play abound, with analyses of the actor’s distresses.  Whatever the truth might actually be, we’ll never really know. Sadly, the one person who could have told us isn’t around anymore.  Apparently, he was found alone, face-down and naked on his bed, by service providers (his housekeeper and his masseuse).  Close family were thousands of miles away, and the face that Ledger gave to the world in his many outstanding film performances was, obviously, not the face he wore privately (of late).

Ledger was famous. That’s why we get to hear, see, and read about him, and his final days and hours.  But, there are many other individuals, just like this movie star, dying every day—and in our own midst. Their burnout, despair, frustration, and loneliness cannot be remedied effectively.  Accidents and non-accidents happen, closer to home and all the time…

No matter the nice things said and done after a "loved one" is gone, nothing can make up for what was not said and done when he or she was alive (manifesting that all wasn’t right). The "take-home message" is to be more mindful of those around us continually—and sensitive to our interactions with them.  We truly never know how we might affect someone else, and what the consequences might be.  What’s not a big deal for you, might be for someone else. Everything adds up.  And, sometimes, just one more disappointing encoounter may be that one more too many…

This following simple poem, "Depression Alert," is an important one to remember. I included it (below) in tribute to Ledger. His untimely death provides an opportunity to share sentiments that might not have gained exposure otherwise.  Think of those with whom your life intersects. Perhaps they need a little more attention, consideration, and follow-up than you’ve been able to give them till now.  We may all be "busy," but…

DEPRESSION ALERT!

The places you don’t go
Clothes you don’t wear
People you don’t see

Others’ imaginings…

A life of ease
Please don’t tease

The pain
Nothing you can explain

Torment deep within
Understanding thin

Not who they think you are
Distance very far

Spoken up and not heard
Silent and more congenial

Another funeral.

Let’s be realistic—and honest.  Standards are set very high these days by what we think is true, but actually isn’t.  Magazine touch-ups are an obvious way to recognize how what’s raw and real gets distorted and embellished. 

Lindsay Lohan is an over-played but obvious example. First, let’s take a look at her Elle (September 2007) cover photo, which is only the latest in a series of magazine cover photos.  Then, let’s take a look at her July 24 (07) police mug shot.  Show business would have her appear one way. The law clearly shows her another way…  

How has Lohan gone from that to this or this to that?  Is it fair to blame someone/thing else? Is it even fair to blame her, or her family, friends, and entourage? Is it our business, anyway? Not really—except if she’s a danger to others, which is highly likely with an arrest for drunk driving and cocaine possession.  But, then again, DUI, is no big deal these days—or so it seems for young celebrities.

Paris Hilton, after her promises to stop partying after her DUI jail time, was soon back to her frivolities. Then there’s her off-on "best friend," Nicole Richie, also up for DUI jail time.  Apparently, a boyfriend and pregnancy are the "two major influences" that will break the "bad ‘pattern’" in her life.  Imminent motherhood, she believes, will make her more responsible.  But, shouldn’t she be more responsible first, in order to merit being a mother?  A tad confusing! Or, maybe, not.  We’ve all heard about Britney Spears, and seen how she defends her motherhood foibles.

Sadly, in a society where decent role models don’t seem to get the news coverage they deserve and appropriate consequences are sorely lacking, anything seems to go and be acceptable.  No press is bad press, especially when it can generate $$$$$.

Some people are seen to have it all, and squander what they have.  Others have very little, but are genuine—turn out better human beings, no limelight necessary.

Why would we want to emulate images/icons that are contrived and fleeting—represent actualities that only exist on a glossy page, offering glimpses of what might never be possible or sustainable?

The "too good to be true" is around us everywhere.  Sometimes, we ignore it.  Other times, we’re ready to be taken in by it.  It all depends on how vulnerable (and/or gullible) we are. Self-esteem, need, greed, and fear can cloud judgment, as does peer pressure and bullying.  So, finding ways to keep things in perspective—not relying on perception being reality—is important. Be aware:

1.  Promises are only as good as those who make them.
2.  What happens quickly can unhappen more quickly.
3.  Even it’s free now, you’ll be paying for it later (and probably a lot more).
4.  The easier it is, the less value and longevity it might have.
5.  Telling the truth might get you into trouble.  Not telling it can get others into trouble.  And, when others are in trouble, you may no longer call the shots—they will.
6.  Just because you’re sure of yourself, it doesn’t mean others are sure of you.  And, when you’re sure of others, you might not be sure of yourself.

We all want to think the best, dream of a better tomorrow, and have hope for the future.  It’s a natural survival instinct!  However, what’s more important is to know where, how, and when to draw the line—not be taken in by ourselves, as well as others.  Regardless, we never know how long we have, or how forces beyond our control might change everything in an instant.  Take, for instance, the bridge collapse in Minnesota—a sad reminder and wake-up call, like most unexpected tragedies, to stop dwelling on the superficial (and those who are impressed by it).

 

The last four years, I was in Boston for July 4th.  This year, I’m missing being there!  The United States may be a very big country.  But, on holidays such as Independence Day and Thanksgiving, it can feel more like a small town, most people being encouraged to be involved in some way.  Because of this, I experienced a much greater sense of community/patriotism/belonging/spirit, consistently, (even as an "alien") than I have ever done in Canada.   

For most Canadians, it seems that Canada Day/Thanksgiving are non-events, with individuals often left floating alone.  Many stores/restaurants remain open, and there’s a chance for time off.  But, sharing festivities (public or private) isn’t, generally, a huge priority, especially if you’re not part of a particular group—and the impression of aloofness some home-grown Canadians can give isn’t heartening.

Each year, in Boston, I was invited to a variety of gatherings, usually in people’s homes.  Some, I knew well.  Others, I didn’t know at all.  Hosts encouraged their friends to bring friends. All were concerned that everyone, strangers in particular, be involved.  Inclusion and wanting to be included seemed important. And, even if I’d stayed home, I could see fireworks in every direction, from my own apartment.  Most neighbors, it appeared, were doing something to celebrate/acknowledge the day—and each other!

In Canada, my impression, overall, since coming back, is that there just doesn’t appear to be the traditional group energy/pride or warmth/openness that there is in the US.  This is a shame, especially for newcomers and visitors.  Sometimes, you can’t put your finger on what’s missing. But, my stay in the US has given me an alternative perspective—shown where/how/why other (friendlier) ways are possible…

Vacations open our eyes. Acutally living somewhere else, day-to-day, for a longer period, helps us see/understand more clearly, causgin our comfort levels and tolerances, as well as expectations, to change.

Start the work week by saying, doing, and thinking nice things and you’ll feel much better.  Sure, bad things (and people) happen, but if you fester over them unnecessarily you’ll stay stuck in a mode that’s counterproductive.  If you smile, others are more likely to smile back.  If you frown, you will get a different response—possibly making things worse…

re. Surroundings:  Keep them as upbeat as possible and your mood will be similar.

re. Health and Nutrition:  Stay informed and make wise choices—you’re important too!

re. Relationships:  Favor harmony over confrontation and reconciliation over isolation.

re. Activities:  Proceed like everything is going to work out, and your journeys will be easier, whatever their destinations/results.

Don’t put yourself, or others, down and welcome and encourage compliments!  By setting yourself, and others, up for feeling better/successful we’ll all be in more agreable mind-sets to cope with disappointments should they occur.  Bouncing back repeatedly is hard, but that’s what most of us have to do.  Some people just make things look easier…

Canadian customs duties are prohibitive.  Think carefully before buying anything from the US and having it mailed to Canada.  Between postage and duties, there are no savings.  On the contrary, you pay top dollar for items that are meant to be less than.

Recently, I made two purchases that incurred unreasonable charges.

1. A canine bicycle basket from In the Company of Dogs, at a "reduced price"—US$44.97.  Then there was the shipping—US$21.15. Finally came the duties—CD$12.05.  With shipping and duties combined nearly costing as much as the item purchased, there’s a real problem—even if the item is recreational rather than an "essential."  Canada Post collected the cash payment at my door before handing over the purchase.

By the way, In the Company of Dogs takes five weeks to ship to Canada and isn’t as customer-service friendly as one would hope—especially if issues arise.  Also, some of their products can be found elsewhere at better prices.

2. Ten 24in x 24in canvases from Dick Blick (the premier art supply chain in the US), which cost US$102.15. Then there was the shipping—US$18.22.  Finally came the duties—CD$33.85.  With shipping and duties combined nearly costing as much as the items purchased, there’s a real problem—especially for work-essential goods. Fed Ex sent out a typed statement after delivery, detailing their costs, which they try to keep to a minimum (CD$1.68 brokerage fee and CD35 cents disbursement fee).

By the way, Dick Blick makes sure you get your order in a couple of days (via Fed Ex Ground, for size-appropriate products) and have wonderful discounts, providing you don’t live outside the US.  Unfortunately, I haven’t yet found a Canadian art supplies retailer that can rival their selection, discounts, and efficiency.

 

Growth

Accomplishment

Roots and reminders

Distraction and delight

Exercise

New possibilities

Insights and involvement

Natural moments

Gifts and surprises

Moment to moment

Day to day

Year to year…

Understanding Your Sleep Needs

The power of sleep can’t be underestimated.  But, keep in mind, some of us need more of it than others.  Also, some of us function better at different times of the day.  There are "morning people" and "night owls," as well as schedules that aren’t always comfortable .

There’s nothing like being able to live in rhythm with—and respect—your sleep clock if you can.  

Recognizing if You’re a Morning Person or Night Owl

I am most definitely a morning person, and can get more done between 5 and 10 am than any other time of the day.  After 5 pm, it’s a lot more difficult.  The things that I struggle to complete at night, I might as well have not attempted.  When I take a fresh look at them in the morning, I realize I can complete them much more quickly and easily.  Sometimes I’m more able to do physical tasks at night, but not anything that requires thinking power.

Others might have an opposite experience, and I appreciate that.

Getting a Good Night’s Sleep

We all have different ways for getting a good night’s sleep, and some of them can be seen as "finicky" by those who say they can "sleep on a clothes line."

I put these strategies high on my list:

1.  A room that’s as dark and silent as possible

2.  Bedding that’s comfortable and cozy, that covers you properly, and isn’t too light or heavy

3.  A clock that’s visible and shows the time, for any awake moments that have you wondering the hour (without having to get out of bed) then being able to fall right back to sleep

4.  Not having eaten just before going to bed

5.  Being organized for the next day before going to bed

6.  No late-night in-bed phone calls that might send you to sleep while chatting or be upsetting

7.  Turning the television or radio off (or other interruptions), and not falling asleep to them

8.   Sufficient good food, exercise, and emotional support

9.  A sense of hope or gratitude about something—anything

10. Congenial bed company—like poodle pals, Lev and Sage—who know when to snuggle up and/or give space

Others might have different strategies.  Whatever works!

Re. Sleep Aids

While sleeping pills, sedatives, and alchol help many people temporarily, sometimes they can make things harder in the long-run.  Dependencies/addictions can start quite innocently.  Just like with diet pills and food restrictions, it’s important to try to find other ways to overcome difficulties, even if they might seem harder at first.

Others might believe differently.  They have the right to do so, so long as they’re not endangering anyone else.

Expectations lead to disappointments, so don’t be surprised if:

1.  The job’s not completed according to schedule:  it could take two to three times longer.

2.  Additional unforeseen expenses arise:  you could end up having to pay two or three times the amount budgeted.

3.  Certain jobs need to be redone, along with repairs to (fresh) damages made by renovators, themselves.

4.  Replacement workers and materials end up being worse than the ones being replaced and corrected—regardless of reassurances to the contrary.

Trying to recuperate payments with the assistance of others can be as much fun as having to deal with incompetent/money nabbing workmen directly. Solutions (and officials), however sensible/appropriate they seem, might be less than ideal:

1.  Better Business Bureaus:  They collect complaints and black-list companies.  However, don’t count on them following up in ways that assist specific customers with specific problems directly.  Besides, businessmen/workmen you’re complaining about usually aren’t members anyway.

2.  Small Claims Court:  Even if you do win, and devote a lot of time and energy to doing so, who’s going to collect the money you’re awarded (and how difficult will that be)?

3.  Visa, Mastercard, American Express:  Paying by credit card is advantageous, but contesting unauthorized phone orders made by merchants isn’t always favorable to the customer. Customer service protocols and card security vary from card to card.

Exercise common sense.  Even if you’re on site/at home while work is being done, you can’t catch everything that might happen, and need to take precautions:

1.  Put possessions away that you don’t want to be broken or have disappear (from anywhere in your home—not just the area worked in).

2.  Lock doors and cupboards, wherever possible, to prevent snooping, wandering, and theft.

3.  Know that your toilet(s) and sink(s) will need a good clean later.  If you have more than one washroom, make sure only one is accessible.  Also, stay on top of garbage, and don’t let it pile up. (Reasonable contractors should be taking it away with them, as well as their cigarette ends and coffee and soda containers.)

4.  Damages will be of all types, and more than expected.  Check your paint work, floors, doors, appliances, and more.  No one will tell you they’ve broken anything, unless you ask.  And, even then, they might deny that possibility or explain things couldn’t have been done any other way.

SWA (Single Woman Alertness) matters! Even strong independent women with the means to do home improvements run into difficulties, and need to be prepared:

1.  Invite a guy friend or relative to be there when confronting workmen who’ve done an unsatisfactory job.

2.  Don’t get too personal/friendly with unfamiliar workmen, who can turn "niceness" against you when complaining about shoddy workmanship later.

3.  Don’t become a coffee shop/luncheonette for your workmen, or offer waitress service.  Good workmen will still do a good job without "extras." Bad workmen will just get you upset—make you feel they’ve taken advantage of you (which they probably have).

4.  Gain technical savvy wherever you can so as not to be blinded by whatever you’re told.  And, more important, stand up to "bullying."  The police can be called in if necessary.

(The last three points apply to everyone—not just single women—though single women do seem to have greater need to be aware of them.)

"Details" might be less important later—what really matters isn’t forgotten:
 
1.  "Word of mouth" is the best recommendation (or not).  Speak up and tell everyone you know about a job done badly, and have as many other renovation experts as possible know what’s happened(ing).

2.  "This too will pass!" Enjoy whatever you can whenever you can. (When your home is disrupted, nothing else might feel right, and it’s hard to keep things in perspective.)

3.  Circumstances aren’t always perfect and you might be less than happy with the final results.  But, nothing has to be forever.

4.  Once the chaos is over, it’s amazing how quickly you can forget about the ups and downs along the way.

The old adage, "Act in haste repent at leisure" doesn’t always work where renovations are concerned. Even when the customer has taken her time and made the right choices, unscrupulous/incompetent installers destroy quality materials.  Then, instead of accepting responsibility, they disappear. Or, they make your extended time with them so uncomfortable, you let things go—unfinished.

p.s.  Home remodelling (and its pitfalls) is obviously a hot topic, as the Today Show’s feature, "Got the Post-Remodelling Blues," (Friday March 9, 2007) demonstrates.  You can find this segment on their impressive new website (made in partnership with ivillage). Search the "features videos" on the home page (for as long as this topic is current) or send an e-mail to WT@NBC.com for further information.

The delightful movie, Miss Potter, debunks the myth that spinsters are truly whole and happy without a love interest—even those who are comfortably off and impassioned about their work.  It also underscores the importance of not settling for the sake of it (at any point), just to please others and "fit in."  The settings, acting, costumes, and artifacts, all contribute to a sad, inspiring, enchanting, and credible interpretation of Beatrix Potter’s life. 

Whether viewers identify with the protagonist’s artistic dedication, oneness with nature, self-determination, or personal sorrows and frustrations, her journey, stage-by-stage, encourages hope and possiblity.  A good person shines through in work and out of it, overcoming familial weaknesses and the social pressures of Victorian times. 

Potter held true to who she was and what she liked to do, and along the way others saw that.  They fell in love with her, herself, despite the "odds" (of her age and contrary to expectations).

Today, an insufficiently acknowledged illness, that I’ve termed Single Woman Syndrome (SWS), is rampant among never-married women in their mid 30s to late 40s.  Often professional (and usually successful, attractive, intelligent, and sincere), they’re confused, exhausted, and embarrassed by their singlehood.  When it seems like everyone else (younger males, especially) appear to be getting married and having children, why not them too? 

SWS isn’t about momentary disappointments:  one or two bad dates, three times a bridesmaid never a bride, or another Saturday night home alone.  Here’s Hilary’s Story:

After close to 30 years of being on the relationship market, Hilary finds her accumulation of rejections devastating.  Not only does this SWS sufferer feel like a social misfit, but she also struggles with self-criticism.  Life for Hilary, at 46, has become purposeless, dry, and not what it’s supposed to be—without life-cycle stages and goals.  Despite all her positive energy as a Humane Society volunteer and outdoors enthusiast, she still doesn’t have a satisfying personal life.  The worry that the ideal of husband and children may be permanently out of reach makes complete happiness feel untainable.

A customer service  manager by day, Hilary finds always having to put on a smile very tiring.  Making believe she’s quite content with her lot is more draining than others imagine.  This may sound silly to those who envy the freedom of a single without attachments or commitments.  But, it shouldn’t.  In the 1950s and ’60s, regardless of other social problems, a whole generation of women (and men) were brought up to believe that chronological life-cycle events mattered.  No false expectations, this was just what was done, lived for, and taken for granted.  Dating was time-limited and led to marriage and children.

SWS sufferers, like Hilary, don’t know where to put themselves if not in a marriage with children.  Nights, weekends, dinners for one, and Sundays seem interminable—family- and couple-friendly places and activities not being an option.  Hilary also feels that much has been assumed about her, inaccurately and unfairly—that she’s hard to get along with, eccentric, past her prime, and lesbian.  Though chirpy in public, she actually spends many hours in bed, or in trance-like states hoping that a tolerable date might still materialize for a wedding she doesn’t want to go to alone.  

Hilary cannot live the married life single and she’s tried extremely hard to live the single life happily, spontaneously, and without guilt.  So, who understands and accepts her? Mostly others who have SWS !  At the office, when family photos are shown, or the Christmas party organized, co-workers have no idea how those who may be seen as strong and independent, like Hilary, really aren’t and feel very left out.  Often, Hilary wants to hide in a hole till the day she’s able to appear more equal.  

With acceptance lacking and understanding limited, change feels impossible.  Occasionally, of course, Hilary will have a burst of energy:  try again to make the most of things and find fresh interests and routines. But these are never as much fun alone—mere time-fillers, for her.

Finally, Hilary succumbs to medical examinations, hoping to find out what might really be wrong.  Could she have a chronic health condition?  After all, she has symptoms galore:  fatigue, depression, too much or too little appetite, bad skin, bloating, backache, and headaches, for starters.  Medications are prescribed, some needed, some not.  More tests are suggested, but the only diagnosis she’s really worried about is the one that’s hardest to ask for, and creating most of the anxieties:  can she still have children?   For Hilary, after every menstrual cycle, one invasive thought surfaces:  "What a waste!"

Most SWS sufferers, Hilary included, don’t like to speak up.  It feels very awkward and shameful.  It also destroys the everything’s (otherwise) okay facade they endeavor to project publicly.  Regardless, the fatigue of being perpetually single and childless (not having been able to come close to reaching personal ideals) doesn’t go away.  Life still goes on, and as society evolves, those with SWS make extra efforts not to be judgmental or take for granted what they have, especially if it’s what others don’t.

When another set of holidays go by, being seen alone (and scrutinized) at the church, synagogue, mosque, or temple can be enough to make SWS sufferers lose their faith.  Though there are more ways for them to communicate their woes, they usually feel unsuccessful at being heard, understood, or accommodated.  A little acknowledgment and empathy might not solve their problems, but SWS sufferers, like Hilary, would certainly appreciate the sense of hope (and feeling of "normalcy") it could prompt.

The colors we use in our home are truly a matter of personal taste.  Some people deliberate for weeks to find the perfect shade and tone.  Then, once it’s up, don’t like how it looks and start again.  What looks good on a small paper color swatch might not look good on your wall. After trying out a variety of colors with tester cans, I finally settled on four to suit my home and personality.  What works for me might not work for you, but you never know!

Here are my recommendations, using Benjamin Moore and Pittsburgh Paints:

• White, CC40, by Benjamin Moore:  for garage and laundry room—areas than need to look clean and fresh, not stark and dazzling.

• Natural Wicker, 1B OC-1 by Benjamin Moore:  For office, kitchen, and studio—this is a little more interesting than white, as well as neutral, non-distracting, thoughtful and tasteful.

• Stratosphere, 348-2, by Pittsburgh:  For bedroom and bathroom—this gives a restful, relaxing, and magical feel; no need for pictures on the wall.

• Belgian Waffle, 215-3, by Pittsburgh:  For living room/dining room, hallway and stairs—this looks different in every light, warm and cheerful without taking over the room and a great back-drop for all kinds of artwork and furniture; not just a catchy name.

• Oxford White, by Benjamin Moore:  For trims that will look crisp and distinctive.

(Please note:  the colored letters typed in here are not the colors of the actual paints, they just brighten up this blog!)

When trying out paint colors, please remember:

• The color on the swatch will look lighter there than on the wall.

•  The color on the wall will be effected by lighting (day/night and hourly) as well as other colors and objects in the room.

•  Colors that work in my home might not work in yours.  Finding colors that suit you and the feeling you’d like your home to have is personal (even if you get a little help from an interior designer along the way).

We never know when, how or why loss is going to hit us.  It happened to me the other week in the strangest of ways.  For the last three years, I’ve nurtured a beautiful fig tree.  She’d grown to five feet high, and was happy and healthy.  Unfortunately, though many plants are shipped across the US/Canadian border commercially, when you move house you have to leave them behind. 

I wanted my cherished tree to go to a special friend, someone who’d be thrilled to look at her every day, and reminisce on our good times together.  A mutual friend with a pick-up truck offered to help with transportation.  We piled on a load that included other items not allowed for personal cross-border shipment (like mattresses—lest there be bed bugs).  Our journey to my friend’s office was short.  But, when we arrived, the fig tree was nowhere to be found:  on the truck or on our route, when we backtracked.  Its pot was still there—empty and secure.

The mystery of the missing fig tree preoccupied me all day and beyond.  Out of the blue, something that meant more to me than I’d realized was gone—for ever.  What happened to her?  Did she suffer?  Would she be taken care of?  Why was she missing?  Was there a message in her disappearance—greater meaning and symbolism.  How my mood shifted, in a heartbeat, indicated that there was.  Pining over the loss of a tree, had me reflecting on my coping skills for other losses—past, future, and ongoing.

Life is full of loss, and sometimes we never miss something or someone till they’re gone.  Only later do we realize what they represent(ed) to us.  Many of us fear the loss of close ones, and worry about not giving them enough time due to busy day-to-day schedules.  Many losses are expected, but many aren’t.  It’s the ones that take us by surprise that remind us we can’t control everything or everyone.  There’s a bigger plan, and it’s not one that we might have put together.

Sometimes, looking back, we’re better able to understand what’s happened.  Other times, we constantly seek explanation (and relief).  Again, how things play out and are understood or accepted is also not always in our control.  However, our attitude is:  having the fortitude to go on and recognize wake-up calls.  The loss of my fig tree certainly put me on alert—to be more cautious, careful, and appreciative.  Although, a fig tree is a living organism, it’s still a material object, and replaceable (despite any sentimental value).  Human loss, on the other hand, is far less easily resolved.