When I decided to travel to French Polynesia (where I am writing from now), I was well aware that this is a honeymoon/couples destination. However, there are may other special celebrations to mark with big trips like this—birthdays, professional milestones, overcoming burnout. Or, quite simply it may be the right time to go somewhere/the realization of a dream. If we have the health, strength, and good fortune to be able to do so, it’s important to seize opportunities, no over-analysis. Live in the moment! Last week, I was in hospital. It was touch-and-go whether I’d be able to travel at all. This reinforced to me, all the more, the necessity of brushing aside qualms about traveling solo.
Can travel, will travel, and hope for the best! Why should solo travelers be deprived of seeing places like Tahiti or Bora Bora, just because it’s not typical for them to be there?… I’m thrilled to be in the South Pacific right now! Though I’ve been excited to view the wonders of this remarkable paradise, I do admit to having had time to reflect and wonder about issues solo travel stirs. Others have shared their stories about this. And, of course, I have many of my own.
Some people can travel alone. Others cannot. When choosing to travel solo—or having no option but to do so, certain factors matter. These include:
1. Destinations: where you go and how you get there can make things easier (or not)
2. Tour operators: select wisely
3. Personal coping/activity strategies
4. Personal expectations and tolerances
5. Personal gregariousness, charisma, and courage
6. Luck and timing: co-travelers and environmental factors
For those who travel solo to get away from everything and everyone, this blog entry might appear ridiculous. It is really intended for a growing (and, possibly, more embarrassed and silent) majority: those who might, increasingly, be obliged to spend time alone, at home as well as on the road, like it or not.
Though it’s hard to accept, we live in a lonely and isolating world. Ironically, Internet dating and big-city life can be counterproductive—lead to a lack of community feeling and less accountability/reliability. From the outside, those who are in relationships would think it’s easy to meet and connect. From the inside, those who are not in relationships will tell you it’s more difficult than it seems. Many tire of the process, and those around them (especially if coupled) don’t, usually want to hear about it. A lot give up along the way—would rather "settle" with someone who’s not really for them than endure the stigma and pain perpetual self-reliance can provoke.
Then, comes vacation time. The best things in life (vacations being no exception) are shared. But, if you don’t have "significant others" in your life, what do you do? Find a congenial "friend" who’s schedule, budget, and interests permit them to journey with you? Or, stay home? If you are optimistic, brave, adventurous, or resilient, the travel bug will win out and you’ll decide to go anyway. Nevertheless, despite good intentions (unflagging courage and being properly organized and prepared) it’s hard, sometimes, not to feel inadequate or out of place, even if you are not.
Don’t worry about what others might think or say. Probably, if they’re traveling as a twosome or en famille, they wouldn’t have the stamina of mind to go it alone, or enjoy! And then there’s their squabbles. Just because people are traveling together, it doesn’t mean that they are doing so happily. Trips have been known to end relationships, rather than bring people closer!
TRAVELING SOLO: Weighing the Options
1. Destinations: where you go and how you get there can make things easier (or not)
• Where you’ve been before (and feel safe).
• Vacation/second homes (family or timeshare, where there’s familiarity/routine/other people).
• Package trips (where everything is organized and there’s less personal responsibility).
• Group trips (where interactive opportunities are part of the itinerary).
• Activity/adventure/cultural trips (where there’s a common goal and theme and/or group dynamic).
• Conference(s)Seminars and their ad-ons (where the professional and personal can overlap).
2. Tour operators: select wisely
• Those who offer solo traveler options (they’re not for "singles" per se, but don’t make singles feel uncomfortable).
• Those who are solo-sensitive (and provide incentives for those who, like it or not, are obliged to travel alone).
• Those who don’t charge single supplements (might alienate/discriminate/take advantage…).
• Those who welcome repeat business (and will try harder, however they can—every person mattering, not just every room).
• Those who are pet friendly. (If you don’t have a human to travel with, you may want to take your pet).
• Those who realize that solo travelers are a market worth favoring—that solo travel shouldn’t just be the "privilege" of those who can pay the price (financially and/or emotionally).
3. Personal coping/activity strategies
Nothing worse than having others feel sorry for you, or appearing needy…
• Always have your own entertainments (in lieu of traveling companions who may not actualize): books, magazines, handicrafts (knitting, paints, etc.), photographic equipment, Ipod, sports equipment., and, and, and…
• Self-sufficiency. (Yikes!). You might have noone to hold your place in the line, or watch your bag. You also might not be able to run and get refreshments, or to the bathroom. Be prepared:
- Carry snacks
- Go to the bathroom before you get off the plane, or train
- Travel light
- Know how to entertain yourself (as above)
- Know how to connect with co-travelers (who can be helpful) but be cautious
- Be prepared to not have to depend on anyone else for anything (thought getting photos taken of yourself, by strangers, can be challenging…)
If driving, staying awake and safety matter even more: audio-entertainment, traveling at the best time of day for you, where you stop, nutrition, car maintenance/protection, and, and, and…
4. Personal expectations and tolerances
Be prepared to not have to depend on anyone else for companionship or favors. How solos navigate in a non-solo crowd is personal. We all have different (cap)abilities, as well as purposes for our journeys. At home, it’s possible to hide from situations where you feel you might not fit in. On the road, you’re out in the open, and exposed to environments and happenings that can make you feel awkward/out-of-context (no shields). Know your limitations, but also be prepared to stretch yourself. Try new things, and ways to approach others. Turn fears into opportunities! At home, you know what to expect (most of the time). On the road, you don’t always… Different cultures stimulate fresh chances to grow and learn. Embrace, enjoy, and be thankful!
5. Personal gregariousness, charisma, and courage
How you are at home may be how you are on vacation. How you are at home may not be how you are on vacation. Some are quiet. Some are not. Some are approachable. Some are not. Some need to make extra efforts. Some do not. A little success may go a long way. Try and try again. Use whatever skills and talents you have, or invent them. Be open to possibilities and let travel help broaden your mind and ways of seeing and doing…
6. Luck and timing: co-travelers and environmental factors
Sense who your co-travelers are. Some may be traveling together because they want quality time with each other. These folks won’t welcome you joining them, at meals or in activities. Others may enjoy meeting new people no matter what, and might welcome you with open arms. Some of the best (accidental) friendships are made on vacation! Finally, there are those travelers who, may (unintentionally or not) find "strays" entertaining "filler" for an evening or an excursion. Also, depending on where you are staying, and who else is staying there at the time, dining and excursions may offer ways to connect. Tables which are open to anyone to join, and activities that don’t just cater for "twos" but offer "partner-providing" opportunities are bonuses (funny as it might seem)!
At time of booking, ask questions
• What your tour operator/destination (can or will) provide (if their single supplement offers something in return, like solo-sensitiviy).
• Without asking for specifics, check the demographic of other travelers (age, gender, social status, etc.)—If you will stand out from the crowd, or not.
Trip providers, please listen up. Remember that tours and destinations that are solo-friendly (integrate solos with regular travelers) are often preferred by solo travelers. Many don’t enjoy "singles’ trips" or activities per se—and that’s a whole other discussion as to why…
At time of booking, know your personal limitations
Try and stretch yourself wherever you can. Nothing is ever perfect. Attitude, effort, and intention count—for traveler and travel provider, alike! That said, it’s nice for vacationers (who are paying) to have their stressors reduced where and however they can be!
Trip providers, please listen up. Remember, if you do charge a single supplement, try and give those paying it value for the extra money. There’s always something creative or considerate that can be done (and it doesn’t have to cost). A little thoughtfulness/kindness can go a long way!
More to follow on my French Polynesian adventure later in this blog. What a spectacular part of the world!
