The Today Show, January 2nd, discussed Relationships, and their significance for 2009.  2008 having been a difficult year for most of us, psychiatrist, Gail Saltz, in a "New Year, New You" segment, stressed how important is is to be able to focus on the positive, for oneself, and with others.  Her main points (and advice) included:

1. The number one source of happiness is relationships, not material stuff.  
2. When you think negative thoughts you’ll think more negative thoughts.
3. Jot down the small things that made you happy today to help shift you towards a more positive attitude.
4. The more spiritual you can be, the better you’ll cope.
5. Give to others (think outside of yourself).
6. Just changing perspective can make things easier for you.

Most human beings thrive on love, affection, and connection but are afraid to ask for it, especially if they’re alone or isolated (by chance or choice).  Not matter how much someone protests that they don’t need help or consideration, they usually do.  Awkwardness and pride get in the way.  Real friends ignore protestations and act anyway:

TO DO

1.  Don’t know what to say to those experiencing loss? You don’t have to. Call/visit anyway. Better that than to do nothing at all.  "Being there" is the greatest gift and doesn’t cost.

2.  Don’t know if those who are sick need help?  Don’t ask, just do.  When we’re weak it’s not always possible to speak.  Everything’s an extra effort, and no one likes complainers.  Those surrounded by loving and kind others (close relatives, or strangers) make speedier recoveries.  Phone calls, food packages, rides to the hospital, and get-well cards all count.  There are a variety of ways to "be there" even if you’re far away, emotionally or geographically.

3. Celebrate others year-round, not just occasion-round.  Don’t overlook those who don’t reach typical milestones (births, marriages, engagements, anniversaries).  Birthdays, new jobs, new homes, and "just because" acknowledgments are important too.  It’s not only the attention received at extra special times that counts, it’s the attention that’s shown day-to-day.  Everyone likes to feel worthwhile, no matter how little fuss they make!

4.  Transition from "me-" to "we-" thinking.  Self-absorption is a disease of the 21st century.  Don’t fall victim to it!  Most relationships seem to happen (and last) on a needs basis, but they don’t have to.  Just because you’ve married/had kids and your friend hasn’t, don’t desert him.  Just because you’re a girl seeking a guy, don’t be jealous/angry when a girl pal meets a guy before you do.  Sticking around for someone else, and/or being happy for them, even if your circumstances aren’t as favorable are point-scorers.  Walking or fading away, and silences damage once-good bonds and histories beyond repair, and the collateral damage (depression, hurt, and beyond), whether it’s recognized or not, after-the-fact, can be devastating.  

TO THINK ABOUT

1.  Savoir-faire matters (know-how, or knowing what to do)  Health, connections, happiness, and good fortune are all gifts.  Some of us have more opportunity for, and access to, them than others.  Even if we are not in control of the bigger picture, we may have the ability to influence smaller happenings:  help make difficult situations easier for those with whom our life intersects.  Knowledge is power, and denying what you know, when you could do something to help make things easier (for someone else), is unfortunate.  Good Intentions, even if they backfire, reflect well.  For those who are responsible and upfront (show good intent), no games/guises equals no regrets!

2. Sad, but true, circumstances change in moments.  Life can be humbling, emotionally as well as physically and materially/financially.  Some can’t relate to negative circumstances.  Others know little else.  Cliché as it might seem, seeing the cup half-full and putting yourself in another’s shoes are important.

Earlier related blog posts include:

• New Year’s Resolutions for 2009: Forgiveness Tops Many a List (December 30, 2008)
• Reflections on “The Season of Giving”: Who Cares? Doers, Takers, Nosey-Pokes, Nothingers (December 28, 2008)
• Veterans Day and SHARING (November 11, 2008)
• Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• No “PLEASE,” No “THANK-YOU,” No HAPPY (May 30, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (Februrary 1,2008)
• DEPRESSION ALERT! and Heath Ledger’s Unfortunate Death (January 24, 2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• The COURAGE to Speak Up—Use POETRY (July 10, 2007)
• “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• COMPARISON-MAKING, ENVY, JEALOUSY (June 23, 2007)
• ABUSE Checklists (May 26, 2007)
• TRUTH Matters (May 8, 2007)
• Make Things CLEAR—Avoid MISUNDERSTANDINGS (April 17, 2007)
• A “NO” REPLY is Better than NO REPLY (April 13, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• TIME is Precious (December 15, 2006)
• FRIENDS Help Friends (December 7, 2006)