Kind gestures finally seem to matter more than material gifts, in part because of the economy, in part because there’s no substitute for healthful human connection.  This holiday season, I baked cookies for friends, neighbors, and neighborhood businesses.  These were genuinely appreciated.  Home-made—no matter how basic, like chocolate chip cookies—shows you care, and that you’ve put precious time aside to do so, beyond the actual gift-giving act or purchase.  During the planning and creation process, it just feels good to know that there can be simpler ways to make others happy.  The more impersonal and alienating/lonely the world becomes, the harder we have to try…

Who cares, and who doesn’t?  You might be surprised and disappointed to find out, especially at peak moments. 

Peak moments are special circumstances (like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other celebrations).  Peak moments can also be times of difficulty:  sickness, loss, disappointment—not health, gain, and happiness.

As we exit the "season of giving" it’s good timing to reflect on our own behavior, as well as others’.  "Do unto others as we would wish to have done unto us" is a familiar cliché," one that may seem increasingly hard to have ring true.  Until something happens to us, ourselves, we might not get that jolt—the jolt that is humbling.  As we stumble, we want another to help catch our fall.  But, there’s not always anyone there—anyone we can count on that is.

Four main personality types appear obvious:  Doers, Talkers, Nosey-Pokes, and Nothingers:

• Doers do, no need to talk about it, in advance or afterwards. They surprise and delight, excuses not necessary.  Doers might owe us nothing.  We can owe them everything.

• Talkers talk, but seldom come through—do or give to anyone else except themselves.

• Nosey-Pokes like to know what’s happening.  "Talking" and "doing" are not really their concerns.  Information check-ins help keep them in the loop—provide scoop/fuel for gossip, but little more.

• Nothingers don’t do, talk, or nose.  They simply aren’t interested in any way—unless it’s about them.

Friends you thought were friends might prove they’re not.  Strangers fill in the blanks, and beyond.  Expectations lead to disappointments.  Disappointments lead to expectations.  At peak moments, we’re likely to realize all of this, and more…

Good caring others may be found once we stop pursuing and/or grieving for those who aren’t.

Earlier related blog posts include:

• Veterans Day and SHARING (November 11, 2008)
• Secondhand Stress: Breaking-Up and Making-Up, “Frienemies,” and “Used-to-be-Friend” Types (November 16, 2008)
• MANIPULATION (August 9, 2008)
• RECIPROCITY (February 8, 2008)
• CONFIDENCE (Februrary 1,2008)
• GIVING: Give to Give (September 5, 2007)
• Keep Your Word (July 25, 2007)
• The COURAGE to Speak Up—Use POETRY (July 10, 2007)
• “A” and “B” List FRIENDS (July 8, 2007)
• COMPARISON-MAKING, ENVY, JEALOUSY (June 23, 2007)
• REJECTION Protection (February 25, 2007)
• FRIENDS Help Friends (December 7, 2006)