Rosh Hashana, Faith, C.S. Lewis, Good People, Mitvah, Miracle
This is a blog piece I hesitated to post. Could it upset, disappoint, or depress readers? How might you perceive me as writer? Regardless, it felt right to go ahead. I thought and thought again… Though the artwork and intentions of this site are positive, for the most part, being real and confronting the uncomfortable is an essential part of who I am. Sometimes, it’s not possible to gloss over strong sentiments (even if they appear negative or disappointing). Everything we show can help us (and others) grow! Anthony Hopkins as C. S. Lewis, in the movie Shadowlands, states, "We read to know we are not alone." (1993). I write to know this too! Fifteen years later this simple movie-line still has powerful meaning. Perhaps, that’s what compels me to share the following poem with you.
FAITH
Feelings we have
Attachments we make
Intuition to guide, or not
Trust earned, or undone
Habits and happenings
Faith…
What is it really?
To have and to hold, or so we’ve been told
Or not…
To give us drive, make us feel alive
Or the opposite?
Faith…
Some live by it
Others would like to
Many find it impossible
Believing and grieving
Striving and diving
A day to wonder and worry
Conscience and consciousness
Some things don’t make sense
Others are full of pretense
The seemingly good others among us aren’t
Those with the best qualifications can’t
Let-downs abound
Those who’ve tried hardest drowned
Expectations and disappointments
Anxieties and concerns
Many, many burns
Dusting oneself off
Keeping things in perspective
Ever reflective
Quelling those rambling thoughts
The ones that slap us in the face
Slow down our pace
Trying, yet again, to start fresh
A new year
A new way
On track to stay
Ah, if it were as simple as it sounds
Ah, if we weren’t responsible for our surrounds
And those with whom we’ve attached—by choice, slip-up, or destiny
The people we’ve trusted
The hopes we’ve had
The dreams unrealized
The feeling stuck
Face in muck
Kicked instead of caressed
Naked, but not undressed
Those who’ve taken advantage
And those who’ve had advantage taken
Wrong isn’t right
And right shouldn’t seem so wrong
Spirits lowered
Disappointments showered
Inspiration sought
What matters can’t be bought
I opted not to go to synagogue for Rosh Hashana. It didn’t feel right. Instead, quiet contemplation stimulated this poem.
Though we’d like to think and believe the best, not all rabbis are "good." Nor are all regular "good people." Hypocrisy and double standards are an unfortunate norm in every organized religion at every level—as well as among friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and family. (And, let’s not forget in business and politics!) Though many folk are afraid to see or state it, sometimes it’s hard not to wonder: "What’s the point? Who can you really trust that’s not just out for themselves, regardless of their position and responsibilities? Who are the ’show-men’ and ’show-women’ (the ‘insinceres’) in our lives?"
Rosh Hashanah (the head of the year) can be many things to many people. Generally, it’s marked by ritual and family gatherings. However, like Christmas, Valentine’s Day, weddings, birthdays, and other (intentended to be) ceremonious times, the "spiritual" isn’t always what’s obvious, or triggers (questioning and distressing) thoughts and responses. There are always those who feel uncomfortable—left out, or struggling with memories and associations that aren’t happy. They can sense no genuine point of connection or healthy attachment, despite repeated effort. Being able to be mindful of this, as well as caring towards individuals in our circles who could be struggling (and left "faithless") is truly a mitzvah (good deed)—some might even say "miraculous."
p.s. The movie, Shadowlands, touched a lot of people in a variety of other ways. Further commentaries on this are shared elsewhere.
