MANIPULATION
These days, individuals can end up more isolated and self-involved than ever, with the shift from a "me-focus" to a "we-focus" proving difficult. Attention of any type, even if it’s harmful, tends to allure. This is when judgment gets clouded and mistakes are made. Age-old problems, like manipulation, take on fresh force. No matter how technologically savvy we are—how many "friends" we have on Facebook—basic human-to-human "communication glitches" abound. These need to be dealt with in real-world time, and have real-world consequences.
Manipulation comes from those whom we least suspect and expect It creeps up and masquerades as kindness and generosity. Then, suddenly, there’s a wakeup call—a financial, emotional, or physical price to pay to the person who claims to be offering assistance/friendship "out of the goodness of their heart." Alas! The one who’d encouraged us to count on them really had their own agenda all along. But, ultimately, even this manipulator loses too. The relationship needs to be severed and things can never be the same again. Trust and respect is gone, as well as a whole lot more. Time to move on, as this poetic reflection explains…
Dear Manipulator
You were so nice, so kind
I was so blind
You wanted to be there for me
Talk to me
Look out for me
Help me
Solve each and every problem you thought I had
All those things others never noticed
I don’t know where you came from
But suddenly you were there.
You were everywhere
I couldn’t do without you
But, in reality, you couldn’t do without me
I gave you purpose and cause
You thrived on applause
Being wanted, needed, and knowing
The more I tried to disentangle,
The more you tried to strangle
Disengaging was hard to do
Caused me more angst than you know
Disengaging was hard to do
But it enabled me to grow
When self-esteem is down and we don’t have adequate support networks, we are all the more vulnerable and susceptible to those who survive/thrive on manipulative behavior. Manipulatolrs usually seek attention to help assuage their own wounds, longings, and lackings. Exagerated gestures and finding ways to become indispensable may be a ploy to help the manipulator appear valuable to others, as well as important in the wider world. But, tension mounts when the manipulated feels trapped or deceived. Self-protection (hopefully) kicks in. Breaking free takes courages. It also leads to loss. But loss leads to learning. Know better for next time!
Earlier blog entries that discuss related topics include:
Reciprocity, Feb 8, 2008
Give to Give, (poem), Sept 5, 2007
Keep Your Word, July 25, 2007
A and B List Friends, July 8, 2007
Friends Help Friends, December 7, 2006
