Last weekend, on an overcast Saturday afternoon, the restaurant at Debenham’s in the new Liverpool One was bustling.  There was a menu card on every table advertising chocolate soups.  But, from what we saw, we were the only customers ordering one.  The "hubble bubble" looked good in the photo (and as above), but, according to my niece, a chocolate aficionado, it was a little disappointing.  So, off to the plush new two-storey Costa Coffee on the corner of Lord Street we went, and found a triple chocolate muffin.  This got a five star rating, and satiated her craving!  They also have soya milk latté there—and it rivals Canada’s Lettieri’s.

On Saturday, for sentimentality’s sake, I took a ferry across the Mersey.  The round trip is 50 minutes, and we hardly saw the time pass.  There were two main distractions:  

1. A Long Haired Miniature Dachshund puppy called Sam sat next to us.  He was doing a homework assignment for "puppy school":  taking a ride on public transportation.  Not only was he very relaxed, he enjoyed a lot of attention and strokes from everyone around, nestling in my lap for a good portion of the trip.  (No nervousness, unlike my older dog Lev who can shake terribly on boats, as in thunderstorms. Sage, my younger dog, on the other hand, is just as calm as Sam was.)  All dogs have their own ways, like humans.  Some things you can’t change, even with training.  We look forward to reading more about Sam’s progress on his blog: samlamb.wordpress.com

2. After pulling out of Seacombe dock and turning around, the river got choppy (The commercial ship that was adjacent to us shows this, inserted below.  Also, please note the Liverpool skyline in the background.) A big wave shot across the upper deck and we were drenched. Quite a surprise! Wet through to our undies, it took most of the rest of the day to dry out!

I’m back to indulging in the occasional soya latte!  And, at Yonge/St. Clair (on St. Clair) it’s from Lettieri.  The other morning, a heart formed on top (as pictured above).  Fun!  You’ll also find Hero Certified Burgers in the same premise—the best (healthiest and most creative) burgers in town. Try their Wild Alaskan Salmon Filet or Soul burgers for a change. Yum!

p.s. Regular readers might remember my Unscientific Study of Coffee from July 19, 07 

Whatever you do that involves others requires a shift from "me" to "we" thinking.  Simple in theory, harder in practice.

Keeping everyone happy—and challenges to that—are usually based on three fundamentals, in most instances. Here is a brief  "how to" overview of fundamentals that seem to matter:

Consider:
1. How and why you’ve come together. Are goals similar?
2. What the rules might be—what’s  right and wrong, ethically, morally, circumstantially.
3. Where clarifications are necessary (if rules are bent), so misunderstandings don’t happen, and one party isn’t misled.

Be:
1. Fair and honest
2. Open and respectful
3. Flexible and considerate

…as best you can.  Most people know when they are taking advantage of someone else, and the person being taken advantage of knows too!  Don’t keep (the idea of) a relationship going at any cost in the hope that it’ll get better—because you’re the one who’ll be paying afterwards.

Upsets come from:
1. Being out of synch/selfishness—one person putting their own needs first (saying and doing differently or vice versa).
2. Expectations of both parties not being expressed or agreed upon (in advance or as they shift).  Avoidance isn’t a solution, just a way to upset someone else.  
3. Distractions being allowed to take over (one person changing their priorities, but not telling the other, and not putting in equal effort).

Long distance relationships have higher stakes and extra obstacles:
1. Trust, openness and communication matter even more.
2. Out of site should not be out of mind. (Excuses are easy!)
3. Practical, financial, and emotional realities are all stretched, tested, and differ.

Bottom lines:
1. It’s not all about you!  Never was!
2. Everyone has limited time and energy. Please don’t waste another’s!
3. Consequences happen.  We might not realize at the time how we affect someone else, but a lot of damage can come about from what might be considered "trivial."  As much as you might not be hurting, someone else could be in agony…

Cliché but apt: "Put the shoe on the other foot!"  We all have hopes and dreams, and it takes courage to make oneself vulnerable—even though life is short, and there are only so many opportunities for happiness.  If you know that you are jeopardizing someone else’s well-being by not being upfront and playing things out because it suits you, think again…

Alas!  If things are "too good to be true," they too often can be…  No matter how one conducts oneself in other circumstnaces (or is seen to be to the oustide world), it’s daily enounters, and opporunities for genuine intimacy that reveal who they really are and can be (or not).
 
The most powerful, wealthy, or good-looking among us have the greatest responsibilities and weaknesses, since they may have more possibilites to get away with things. Because of who they are or what they have (regardless of where it comes from) and their bigger-picture "do good" deeds, they can raise the loudest alarm bells!  Entitlement may be an outcome, but not a justification…  

Though news of the the "John Edwards Sex Scandal" is only just breaking, and details and coverage aren’t all clear, this is just another example of what we see not always being what we get.  Or, what we imagine could be possible (and wonder why not) actually being so.  Role models are hard to find, and "everyday people" imitate and get away with much more (than before) just because they can.  Sad, but true, this is something that’s become almost unremarkable socially.

Those who may be seen to have "less going for them" are invariably more reliable—and better at "playing nice!" On-line daters, take heed when making selections!  What impresses and allures on screen, might not in real life!

By chance, not choice, I find myself becoming a bit of a "consumer watchdog" on this site—in the arts, animalcare, home maintenance, and beyond. Therefore I’ve just added a new sub-section to the Well-Being category:  Consumer-Care.  There are so many ways customers and clients can get fooled.  And, it’s only through sharing experiences that we learn of possible injustices, games, and scams.  Regulations are lacking in many industries, and certain individuals/businesses will, too often, try their luck, and break rules.  Unsuspecting, or vulnerable consumers are duped over and again.  Awareness is power, and power is a privilege—one that can, hopefully, be put to good use here, with information, lessons, and cautions.

These can be found in Killarney at Herbert Fisheries.  Maybe because the fish is caught fresh, and you see it being prepared? Maybe because country air and exercise give you an appetite?  Maybe because there aren’t many other options in the area?  Whatever the case, this ever-busy stand keeps visitors lining up—and satiated!  Most important, the batter is light and right—nutritious and delicious!

These days, individuals can end up more isolated and self-involved than ever, with the shift from a "me-focus" to a "we-focus" proving difficult. Attention of any type, even if it’s harmful, tends to allure. This is when judgment gets clouded and mistakes are made. Age-old problems, like manipulation, take on fresh force.  No matter how technologically savvy we are—how many "friends" we have on Facebook—basic human-to-human "communication glitches" abound. These need to be dealt with in real-world time, and have real-world consequences. 

Manipulation comes from those whom we least suspect and expect  It creeps up and masquerades as kindness and generosity. Then, suddenly, there’s a wakeup call—a financial, emotional, or physical price to pay to the person who claims to be offering assistance/friendship "out of the goodness of their heart." Alas! The one who’d encouraged us to count on them really had their own agenda all along.  But, ultimately, even this manipulator loses too. The relationship needs to be severed and things can never be the same again. Trust and respect is gone, as well as a whole lot more. Time to move on, as this poetic reflection explains…

Dear Manipulator

You were so nice, so kind
I was so blind

Disengaging was hard to do
But it enabled me to grow

When self-esteem is down and we don’t have adequate support networks, we are all the more vulnerable and susceptible to those who survive/thrive on manipulative behavior.  Manipulatolrs usually seek attention to help assuage their own wounds, longings, and lackings.  Exagerated gestures and finding ways to become indispensable may be a ploy to help the manipulator appear valuable to others, as well as important in the wider world.  But, tension mounts when the manipulated feels trapped or deceived.  Self-protection (hopefully) kicks in.  Breaking free takes courages.  It also leads to loss. But loss leads to learning.  Know better for next time!

Earlier blog entries that discuss related topics include:

Reciprocity, Feb 8, 2008

Give to Give, (poem), Sept 5, 2007

Keep Your Word, July 25, 2007

A and B List Friends, July 8, 2007

Friends Help Friends, December 7, 2006

With my constantly changing routines and busy travel schedule, I usually find it hard to commit to extra-curricula classes.  Also, I am not a "gym person".  But, this past week, a neighborhood offering met my needs and interests admirably.  Roots’ flagship store in Rosedale has free one-class passes for their yoga studio.  Stimulated by the first class, I decided to take advantage of a "summer special"—unlimited classes for a week for $20. Though classes are reduced in number for the season, there were enough to meet my needs, and four out of five were enjoyable—especially the pilates. The studio is low-key, no mirrors or fancy accessories, and appears to have a regular clientele (all female).  Positioned at the back of the building (away from Yonge Street) the view of tree-tops through the window is well-planned and soothing.  And, eventually, you stop noticing the rattles of the subway line down below.  Definitely a positive experience!

Have you heard of WAYN (Where Are You Now?)? An interesting concept! I hadn’t until I got repeated e-mails from them a few months ago. Apparently, an acquaintance had added me as a "friend" and I needed to confirm that we do, indeeed, know each other. The first notification said I had three messages waiting for me. Then, a matter of hours later, I got another notification stating that I needed to "confirm friendship" and that I had 11 messages waiting for me. (I didn’t respond.) And, just as WAYN stopped e-mailing, another unknown (to me) Canadian/Ontario social networking site began, Two Ones.  Another "acquaintance," apparently, wanted me join him there. Only two notifications this time. (Again, I didn’t respond.) How many on-line social/networking groups can one join, and be active with on an on-going basis—especially if invitees who already know each other (and are seldom in contact) off-line?  More to the point, how much time is it possible to spend on-line?  What’s happened to old-fashioned ways of going out and making "real live friends"—spending actual time with people you’ve known for a while , or would like to meet in person.  As many others have done, for professional reasons, and due to "friends’" urging, I joined Facebook, Myspace, and Linked In.  However, I have only been moderately active with one of them—Facebook.  This is the site that where the majority of people I know (or one might believe I know) seem to be active, for one reason or another…