Dr. Keith Ablow’s new book, Living The Truth. Transform Your Life Through Insight and Honesty, featured on the Today Show, May 3, 07, is very welcome.  Truth matters! Maybe this fresh title—and interest in the topic—will herald others to explore it from other angles.  

Many people think they tell the truth.  But, do they really?  Even little day-to-day misdemeanors can indicate bigger issues.  Those who diet and sneak in "hidden calories"  (like multiple tasting samples at the grocery store) are only cheating themselves.  Those who hope no one will suspect their insurance claim isn’t entirely accurate (like their car bumper was damaged before the accident) aren’t being very fair.  

Sure, there are lots of reasons to go after what’s not really yours, or mess others around.  But, at the end of the day, we all recognize what’s right and how "beating the system" doesn’t make you a better person.  Little untruths include:

1. Accepting the wrong change after paying your bill in a restaurant.

2. Saying you were somewhere when you weren’t.

3. Making an excuse for arriving late when your really don’t have one.

4. Using someone else’s ID or name to get a discount.

5. Sneaking a handful of grapes at the grocery store, while pretending to sample just one.

6. Sidestepping into a line-up because no one else was looking.

7. Scratching someone else’s car, then driving away.

8. Claiming you’re going to be somewhere when you have no intention to be.

9. Keeping someone waiting for an answer, and having them think you don’t have it yet.

10. Saying you weren’t able to find something, when you haven’t even looked.  

No one is perfect, and we all have occasional slip-ups.  It’s when slip-ups happen all the time, that we really need to worry.  Harmful patterns show.  

Are there others in your life that you don’t really trust, and why?  Is it something you can’t put your finger on—perhaps just a feeling you have.  Look at their words and actions and see where and when they match.

Watch out if the one you’d like to trust:

1.  frequently tells you one thing, but is clearly doing another

2.  is often unreliable (late, vague, or avoidant)

3.  makes you confused or anxious more often than you’d like

4.  has seemingly different personalities, depending on who he/she’s talking to

5.  is consistent at being inconsistent

6.  hurts you without good reason, when you know that he/she cares about you.

If you think someone’s hiding something, likely they are.  

Be bold, brave, and vigilant:

1.  Share your concerns with someone else (you can trust), if you can.

2.  Record and compute activities, actions, and statements, and notice where they don’t match or make sense.

3.  Double-check things for yourself.

4.  Confront the individual you’re suspicious of/uncomfortable with (if you feel safe enough to do so).

5.  Go to authorities (including police and protection services) if you don’t’ feel safe, and if you feel the law is being broken or you and/or others are at risk.

6.  Protect yourself financially, emotionally, and physically, and get support (however you can).

There are all kinds of truths, just as there are all kinds of offenders.  What’s important is to know your own limits—who you wish to keep in your life and under what circumstances.  When you feel good about those around you—safe with them and how they treat you—you feel better about yourself.