No-Partum Depression (NPD)—Not “Celebrity Gossip” Worthy
Babies are the best "Hollywood accessories" today. Think about it: Angelina and Brad, Jen and Ben, Britney, Julia, Madonna, and Sharon Stone, even Nancy Odel. Everyone’s doing it (naturally or by adoption). Then there’s all the revenue generated from photo ops and interviews.
Babies, it seems, give the impression of strength and power—public relations possibilities galore. With a baby in your arms, you have more chance of looking like a good, loving, caring person than not. There is, however, a more awkward and distressing side to baby-making, one that caused a squabble between Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields: Post Partum Depression. Also, what about those who have no baby to talk about in any context? A "(non-)baby condition" I call, "No Partum Depression" (NPD), seldom gets enough airing.
NPD, which mightn’t differ from Post-Partum Depression with some of its symptoms, hasn’t made headline news—yet. But, the number of sufferers is rising at an alarming rate. NPD is an illness of the MISSed generation—another "Makinism" (describing those who haven’t/won’t make it to coupledom and motherhood).
If you haven’t met an NPD sufferer it might be difficult to understand her condition’s severity, implications, and scope. With instances of NPD ready to rival those of Post-Partum Depression, it’s important to get the word out. Left undetected and untreated, NPD can be life-threatening.
Most NPD women never imagined they’d suffer from a condition like this, but their numbers grow daily (as prescriptions for antidepressants might reveal). They’re a pained, perturbed, unfulfilled, and little-acknowledged group who wear a smile as best they can, just get on with things. At work, you might think they’re concentrating, and loving what they do. Don’t believe all you see!
Anya’s Story
Anya is a successful marketing executive with NPD who works to live. She’s unable to follow her heart’s desire, convinced that nothing will ever compensate for the fact she’s missing the developmental stages of marriage and motherhood.
Many NPD sufferers, like Anya, find it hard to focus on projects they’re thought to be enthusiastic about. NPD hit Anya early, at 33. Her obsession with not wanting to remain single and childless means that she spends most evenings, weekends, and lunch hours Internet dating. For every 10 e-mails she sends out, she gets one or two responses, which can quickly turn into phone calls or actual face-to-face encounters. For every five face-to-face encounters, there’ll be, perhaps, one person Anya’s ultimately interested in getting to know better. Invariably, they can have up to a dozen dates before she discovers that her marriage/child prospect is still considering alternative suitors, back on line.
Nevertheless, whether she believes it or not, Anya’s still in a better position than girlfriends just a few years older than her. Older sufferers of NPD (36 and above) might have stopped dating completely. This is because most men seem to prefer not to go out with women of their own age: those under 35 usually being idealized for dating as well as mating.
NPD sufferers, generally women in their mid 30s to late 40s, obsess about what they could have done differently. Maybe they just didn’t settle for less. However, credit is not given where credit is due, and most onlookers want to know: "What’s wrong with these women? Why are they still single and childless?"
Nothing’s wrong with NPD women, except that they might be a little too preoccupied with their childlessness and not wanting to be alone. That’s why typical assumptions about their inadequacy do little to help them feel comfortable at family gatherings and holidays—the type that are more about children than anything else: playing with them, showing them off, and buying presents for them.
NPD sufferers who don’t have the strength to fight their condition don’t easily accept what life has to offer, exclusive of marriage and children. Sadness about not having a baby is not something that disappears as other people’s children mature. On the contrary. NPD is long-term.
