Rejection is hard.  Not knowing why you’ve been rejected is harder, especially when explanations could be more educational than painful.  They would help make you more aware for next time, or learn that you weren’t a fit anyway—might have had a close escape.  

Those who send back insincere form letters, more often than not, don’t read applications properly (if at all).  Larger companies might not have time for the little guy seeking help.  But, it’s probably that little guy, gutsy enough to approach them, who’s helped their business get where it is—buying their products or engaging their services, year after year. Then, there are the dates who don’t want to see you again, or the clients that don’t call back. 

In most situations, there’s no way of knowing your competition.  But, is your competition better?  Perhaps they just have superior marketing techniques, friends in "high places," or luck and timing?  Unfortunately, there are many better ideas, products, and people out there than the ones that actually end up getting recognized!

No one gets all they want all of the time.  Some don’t get any of what they want any of the time.  If you keep comparison-making  or constantly feel entitled to rewards and recognition, you’re going to have a lot harder time living with rejection. 

• Pursue other avenues—stop going where (and to whom) you’re not welcome.  Identify your comfort zones/people, and test those first.

• Discuss, research, and network, and share what you’re thinking, feeling, or wishing.  Fresh ideas and helpful feedback will pop up along the way.

Babies are the best "Hollywood accessories" today.  Think about it:  Angelina and Brad, Jen and Ben, Britney, Julia, Madonna, and Sharon Stone, even Nancy Odel.  Everyone’s doing it (naturally or by adoption).  Then there’s all the revenue generated from photo ops and interviews.  

Babies, it seems, give the impression of strength and power—public relations possibilities galore.  With a baby in your arms, you have more chance of looking  like a good, loving, caring person than not.  There is, however, a more awkward and distressing side to baby-making, one that caused a squabble between Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields: Post Partum Depression. Also, what about those who have no baby to talk about in any context? A "(non-)baby condition" I call, "No Partum Depression" (NPD), seldom gets enough airing.

NPD, which mightn’t differ from Post-Partum Depression with some of its symptoms, hasn’t made headline news—yet.  But, the number of sufferers is rising at an alarming rate.  NPD is an illness of the MISSed generation—another "Makinism" (describing those who haven’t/won’t make it to coupledom and motherhood).

If you haven’t met an NPD sufferer it might be difficult to understand her condition’s severity, implications, and scope.  With instances of NPD ready to rival those of Post-Partum Depression, it’s important to get the word out.  Left undetected and untreated, NPD can be life-threatening.

Most NPD women never imagined they’d suffer from a condition like this, but their numbers grow daily (as prescriptions for antidepressants might reveal).  They’re a pained, perturbed, unfulfilled, and little-acknowledged group who wear a smile as best they can, just get on with things.  At work, you might think they’re concentrating, and loving what they do.  Don’t believe all you see!   

Anya’s Story

Anya is a successful marketing executive with NPD who works to live. She’s unable to follow her heart’s desire, convinced that nothing will ever compensate for the fact she’s missing the developmental stages of marriage and motherhood.

NPD sufferers who don’t have the strength to fight their condition don’t easily accept what life has to offer, exclusive of marriage and children.  Sadness about not having a baby is not something that disappears as other people’s children mature.  On the contrary.  NPD is long-term.

Spinsters are increasingly prominent in recent movies.  Dame Judi Dench’s stellar performance as Barbara, in Notes on a Scandal, spotlights the loneliness, eccentricities, and desperation of many aging long-term solos.  Barbara is occupied during the day with her teaching job.  However, on evenings, weekends, and holidays, her alienation and contemplations get the better of her.  Unfortunately, a preoccupation with others’ lives, and desire to become part of them, causes her to wish to make herself indispensable, however possible (voyeuristic or otherwise).  This backfires on everyone.

Barabara’s is an extreme case—great movie material. But, sadly, there are many real life "Barbara-seem-alikes." Here’s a look at Trish’s story—a younger, more modern spinsters’s "night-walking" activities:

Though Trish may walk at night for her own reasons, there’s an unexpected benefit.  Glimpsing at others’ activities and connectedness, between their window frames or in their driveways, is encouraging.  In a funny kind of way, she’s witnessing that relationships can and do evolve.  Regardless, that doesn’t turn off her obsessional/invasive thinking: "Why not me?"

p.s.  February 13, approaching Valentine’s Day (February 14), Cosmopolitan’s Editor in Chief, Kate White, appeared on CBS’s Early show to talk about Couple Envy, and how to deal with it, as featured in her magazine’s latest issue.